SERVE SOMEBODY

You may own guns and you may even own tanks; but you’re gonna have to serve somebody.

The Rainbow Roots of Racism

The first human beings were not Caucasians. They were not black; they were not yellow; they were not red, orange, green, or blue. They were brown.

HOUSE OF TURDS

Murderous rat and fictional television President,
Francis Underwood, exists in a world of make-believe, fake news, and lies. Or does he.

One Way Or Another, Trump Has Lost His Mind

  So.  Your Pussy Grabber Commander-in-Cheeze has tweeted about how hard it was for his children (especially Barron), to see what he thought was his absentee father’s severed head— being held up by that stuff he calls hair— by a comedian who placed 17th on the Oxygen Pollution Channel’s 2017 list of “The 50 Funniest Women Alive Who Believe In Free Speech.”  That’s right:  Barron and Melania were …

Thank God it’s Friday.

Unless, of course, you don’t believe in God. In that case, thank the total chance existence of a great sequencer of an apparently infinite number of sequential moments of reality that, lucky for us, somehow attaches to— and brings forth out of nothing?— the individual consciousness of billions of sentient beings on this planet, and no doubt many trillions more …

A Friday Message From Your Emperor

Hello American people, as I begin my very important first trip to another great hemisphere, I want to tell you that I will be thinking and working for you while I’m busy doing other things, believe me.

CRAPPY MAKEUP • TINY DIGITS • EVIL MINDS

  HOMS, SYRIA — Across America there are still many thousands of imbecilic children of voting age who actually believe Donald J. Trump when he claims video of Syrian children being gassed really changed him.  This, from a person who publicly stated his disgust over a mother being excused from a courtroom to pump breast milk to nurse her baby. But babies …

Nobody Does It Better Than Trump

The list of Trump claims above is not simply campaign braggadocio;  nor is it just a collection of obvious lies; it is an alarming indictment of his mental health, every claim more ridiculous and false than the last. Nobody knew how deeply troubled Trump really was until he ran for office. Nobody knew how quickly he could tell one lie after another, …

LIAR Chooses Conway Over Trump

Someone remembered that Kellyanne Conway, counselor to the #FakePresident, lies just as much but a lot more cleverly than her cheeto daddy does.

T-RUMP WRECKS MAR a LAGO, NATION NEXT

TYRANTOSAURUS RUMP— the latest moniker to slur your flailing so-called president, is not just a riff on the old fart’s rage-aholicism, or his stumpy digits.

Donald in Dunderland

Donald Trump is dangerously mentally ill and temperamentally incapable of being president. He has “malignant narcissism”— which is incurable.

Forget Alternative Facts; Deal With The Alternative Universe

No, NASA did not invent thunderstorms to cover up the sound of space battles. That’s some shit from the alternative universe.

Top 5 Reasons Why You And The Dude Should Read The Urantia Book

So dude— how’re those New Year’s Resolutions working out for you. . . Still weigh the same? (Me too.) Still self-medicating too much? (Yeah.) Still not exercising (bowling is not exercise) every day? (Me either.) Maybe you should just read a great book instead. A real l l l l ly great book.

McConnell Is Baaaaack… And It’s Your Fault.

Mitch McConnell’s strategy of blaming everything that’s wrong in the world on Barack Obama has been wildly effective.

Insane Repugs We Have Known

Here in no particular order, are some of our all-time favorite Insane Repugs, depicted in our favorite way:

How Much Is Never Enough?

This svelte young swine and multi-billionaire knows something that you and Bernie Sanders do not: That way too much is never enough.

Pirate Cap’n Rupert Sets Course For Hell

If you are earning more than a million dollars a year and are complaining about a 3.6% tax increase, then you are by definition, a greedy asshole…

JESUS RETURNS

The extraordinary event began unfolding at approximately 9 AM EST at the Bainbridge House Ballroom when a man…strode to the podium and exclaimed, “Peace be upon you. I am the person you know as Jesus of Nazareth.”

Fourth-Degree Burns Not Torture

WASHINGTON D.C. — An apparently tough as nails Sean Hannity of Fox News has personally undergone what he called a “fair and balanced interrogation technique” to prove a point: fourth-degree burns are not torture.

JESUS. IS. DEAD.

He trusted in God to deliver him. He even claimed to be the Son of God— look at him now— crucified between two thieves.