Hello American people, as I begin my very important first trip to another great hemisphere, I want to tell you that I will be thinking and working for you while I’m busy doing other things, believe me.
HOMS, SYRIA — Across America there are still many thousands of imbecilic children of voting age who actually believe Donald J. Trump when he claims video of Syrian children being gassed really changed him. This, from a person who publicly stated his disgust over a mother being excused from a courtroom to pump breast milk to nurse her baby. But babies …
The list of Trump claims above is not simply campaign braggadocio; nor is it just a collection of obvious lies; it is an alarming indictment of his mental health, every claim more ridiculous and false than the last. Nobody knew how deeply troubled Trump really was until he ran for office. Nobody knew how quickly he could tell one lie after another, …
Someone remembered that Kellyanne Conway, counselor to the #FakePresident, lies just as much but a lot more cleverly than her cheeto daddy does.
TYRANTOSAURUS RUMP— the latest moniker to slur your flailing so-called president, is not just a riff on the old fart’s rage-aholicism, or his stumpy digits.
Donald Trump is dangerously mentally ill and temperamentally incapable of being president. He has “malignant narcissism”— which is incurable.
No, NASA did not invent thunderstorms to cover up the sound of space battles. That’s some shit from the alternative universe.
So dude— how’re those New Year’s Resolutions working out for you. . . Still weigh the same? (Me too.) Still self-medicating too much? (Yeah.) Still not exercising (bowling is not exercise) every day? (Me either.) Maybe you should just read a great book instead. A real l l l l ly great book.
Mitch McConnell’s strategy of blaming everything that’s wrong in the world on Barack Obama has been wildly effective.
Here in no particular order, are some of our all-time favorite Insane Repugs, depicted in our favorite way:
This svelte young swine and multi-billionaire knows something that you and Bernie Sanders do not: That way too much is never enough.
If you are earning more than a million dollars a year and are complaining about a 3.6% tax increase, then you are by definition, a greedy asshole…
The extraordinary event began unfolding at approximately 9 AM EST at the Bainbridge House Ballroom when a man…strode to the podium and exclaimed, “Peace be upon you. I am the person you know as Jesus of Nazareth.”
WASHINGTON D.C. — An apparently tough as nails Sean Hannity of Fox News has personally undergone what he called a “fair and balanced interrogation technique” to prove a point: fourth-degree burns are not torture.
He trusted in God to deliver him. He even claimed to be the Son of God— look at him now— crucified between two thieves.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Historians are largely in agreement that the crucifixion of Jesus Christ probably occurred on Nisan 14, (April 7), according to the Gospel of John. The Urantia Book confirms this date, expanding the information to include many details of the events which unfolded during those monumental days around April, 7, A.D. 30. The following account is from a recently …
WASHINGTON D.C. — Now that we have a self-flagellating Liar-in-Chief who plays golf every week on your dime and has blown out the first family security budget in less than two months just to keep Milania a safe distance from his gelatinous girth, we can get on with trying to figure out what “alternative facts” are simply fake news, and what stories are actually …