For my money, or the lack thereof, no Zappa character says Zappa to me like “The Central Scrutinizer,” the narrator on Joe’s Garage (November, 1979). It’s Zappa in snarky hyperbolic perfection, introducing himself as the enforcer of laws that haven’t been passed yet, and the messenger of the dangers of that horrible force called MUSIC. . .
Don’t be let nobody stop y’all from goin’ tah Church!
My days as an atheist started in Đà Nẵng Harbor on my 21st birthday. I was in what the Navy considered a war zone, and was clearly feeling reckless. It was as good a time as any to stop believing in a benevolent infinite being watching my every move from outer space.
Trump’s Trump Forecast?? It now appears the president is forecasting his own volatile and out-of-control rage on the entire nation.
SINCE EARTHLINGS LACK the means of expedient intergalactic travel, formal contact with extraterrestrial alien life from other worlds will necessarily be their choice. This implies they really have a reason for contacting us, since they could have made contact whenever they wanted. Maybe.
I first read The Catcher in the Rye in 1961. It was nothing I had to do, I think some girl I wanted to go out with told me to read a goddam book once in awhile if I didn’t want to turn into a poor dumb bastard. So I read one.
It made me want to write.
“You know I smoked a lotta grass. Oh Lord! I popped a lot of pills. But I never touched nothin’ that my spirit could kill.” — Easy Rider
The appearance of mortal beings of “will dignity” is never an accident, anywhere in the entire universe.
“What magic could death hold— the natural dissolution of the material body— that such a simple step should instantly transform the mortal and material mind into an immortal and perfected spirit? Such beliefs are but ignorant superstitions and pleasing fables.”
If you are really going to get stuck in an endless round of successive incarnations as man or woman, some kind of beast, or a weed, you might as well come back as a nice Sativa-Indica hybrid, right?
Forgive Me If I Speak Bluntly. Life has a way of wearing down our sharp edges, has a way of making life-changing decisions manifest out of the most unlikely circumstances. Maybe just such a circumstance is at hand. What you make of it is entirely up to you.
Nature abhors a vacuum, so there’s a new shit rag in town, the National INQUISITOR©.
WASHINGTON D.C. — Like many things emanating out of Washington, the notion that the town was originally “built on a swamp” isn’t based on fact, or truth. That does not prevent the rapacious liars now infesting it from eschewing all fact and truth from their daily defamations.
In a rare moment of demonic candor, characteristically angry and frustrated Christian icon, Satan, lashed out at a Fox news crew on Capital Hill today…
We’re taking a summer break because, well, it’s already global warming summer. We’ll be back when we’re tired of sweating poolside. In the meantime, you really need to get ahead of the unfolding Trump Catastrophe; but first things first: We recommend you stop procrastinating about your spiritual progress and read The Urantia Book while you’re still alive on Urantia. …
Then Pilate led forth the bleeding and lacerated prisoner, clothed in a old purple royal robe with a crown of thorns piercing his brow and, presenting him before the multitude, said: “Behold the man!
It’s always good day to accept the saving hand of Jesus.
You know; eternal life.
The idiot bastard son: (THE FATHER’S A NAZI IN CONGRESS TODAY . . . THE MOTHER’S A HOOKER SOMEWHERE IN L.A.) The idiot bastard son: (ABANDONED TO PERISH IN BACK OF A CAR . . . KENNY WILL STASH HIM AWAY IN A JAR) THE IDIOT BOY! • • • Kenny will feed him & …
December 3rd marks my discovery of The Urantia Book 45 years ago. I still take a chunk of the day to reflect on what has happened in my life, since that momentous discovery.
“MAGOT” MAGAzine— an acronym for “Make America Get Over Trump”— (good luck with that, fellow optimists), is our latest, and tiny hands down, most traumatic find to date.
President and fulltime game show host, Donald J. TRump, was spotted while not tweeting on Sunday as he prepared to award some losers in striped shirts, The President’s Cup trophy— a nasty looking gold-plated spitoon-like thing, nearly big enough to fit on TRump’s head.
I’m not always comfortable explaining how I happen upon some of the weird magazines I review, and this one is no exception. I will only say I was forced by circumstance to spend a few days in Mike Pence’s hometown, where I found a copy of MAGA MAGAzine; (I see what you did there). But this version of “MAGA” is …
You only think you’re free.
In the movie Pulp Fiction, Samuel L. Jackson takes a bite out of Brett’s tasty Big Kahuna burger, and washes it down with Brett’s tasty beverage. It’s just a little scary pretext for the brutal destruction that is moments away.
You may own guns and you may even own tanks; but you’re gonna have to serve somebody.
Murderous rat and fictional television President,
Francis Underwood, exists in a world of make-believe, fake news, and lies. Or does he.
So. Your Pussy Grabber Commander-in-Cheeze has tweeted about how hard it was for his children (especially Barron), to see what he thought was his absentee father’s severed head— being held up by that stuff he calls hair— by a comedian who placed 17th on the Oxygen Pollution Channel’s 2017 list of “The 50 Funniest Women Alive Who Believe In Free Speech.” That’s right: Barron and Melania were …
Unless, of course, you don’t believe in God. In that case, thank the total chance existence of a great sequencer of an apparently infinite number of sequential moments of reality that, lucky for us, somehow attaches to— and brings forth out of nothing?— the individual consciousness of billions of sentient beings on this planet, and no doubt many trillions more …
Hello American people, as I begin my very important first trip to another great hemisphere, I want to tell you that I will be thinking and working for you while I’m busy doing other things, believe me.
HOMS, SYRIA — Across America there are still many thousands of imbecilic children of voting age who actually believe Donald J. Trump when he claims video of Syrian children being gassed really changed him. This, from a person who publicly stated his disgust over a mother being excused from a courtroom to pump breast milk to nurse her baby. But babies …
The list of Trump claims above is not simply campaign braggadocio; nor is it just a collection of obvious lies; it is an alarming indictment of his mental health, every claim more ridiculous and false than the last. Nobody knew how deeply troubled Trump really was until he ran for office. Nobody knew how quickly he could tell one lie after another, …
Someone remembered that Kellyanne Conway, counselor to the #FakePresident, lies just as much but a lot more cleverly than her cheeto daddy does.
TYRANTOSAURUS RUMP— the latest moniker to slur your flailing so-called president, is not just a riff on the old fart’s rage-aholicism, or his stumpy digits.
Donald Trump is dangerously mentally ill and temperamentally incapable of being president. He has “malignant narcissism”— which is incurable.
No, NASA did not invent thunderstorms to cover up the sound of space battles. That’s some shit from the alternative universe.
So dude— how’re those New Year’s Resolutions working out for you. . . Still weigh the same? (Me too.) Still self-medicating too much? (Yeah.) Still not exercising (bowling is not exercise) every day? (Me either.) Maybe you should just read a great book instead. A real l l l l ly great book.
Mitch McConnell’s strategy of blaming everything that’s wrong in the world on Barack Obama has been wildly effective.
This svelte young swine and multi-billionaire knows something that you and Bernie Sanders do not: That way too much is never enough.
If you are earning more than a million dollars a year and are complaining about a 3.6% tax increase, then you are by definition, a greedy asshole…
The extraordinary event began unfolding at approximately 9 AM EST at the Bainbridge House Ballroom when a man…strode to the podium and exclaimed, “Peace be upon you. I am the person you know as Jesus of Nazareth.”
WASHINGTON D.C. — An apparently tough as nails Sean Hannity of Fox News has personally undergone what he called a “fair and balanced interrogation technique” to prove a point: fourth-degree burns are not torture.
The soft light of the instrument panel shone off the large eyes of navigator Dorac. He placed the ship into low orbit, approximately over Washington, DC. Pilot Nandon, pressed a series of actions into the ship. The first was her announcement to the entire host: My friends, we are orbiting the World of the Cross; the tarnished shrine of our beloved Creator Son whom the natives put to death. We are now over the capital city of the federation of states known as the United States of America.
He trusted in God to deliver him. He even claimed to be the Son of God— look at him now— crucified between two thieves.