America’s Barack Obama

THE NEW JIHADIST magazine; not available just anywhere.

Americans are largely unaware of the Muslim culture, except what they might glean from long time practitioners like Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh, and other reliable MSM shills who see into the soul of religion, and can safely label all Muslims as the sworn enemies of the Christian God and all Americans.

Imagine then, my surprise at finding a copy of the August issue of THE NEW JIHADIST at my neighborhood Christian bookstore, not entirely unknown for a selection covering all of the “false” religions, cults, and isms in the world. The rotund little blossom of Christian love behind the cash register was sweet, and said they had been carrying THE NEW JIHADIST ever since John Hussein Bigboote, a recent immigrant from India, took over the managerial duties at the store.

The exclusive interview with Senator Barack Obama, with a photochop cover that depicts Barack in a loose turban and robe, wearing a honkin’ big crucifix, was intended to excite the Great Satan and leftist American dogs whose own leaders recently recognized them as a nation of whiney mental cases. Anyway. Their unedited interview with Barack Hussien Obama, if it is real, appears to be one of the most profoundly hopeful glimpses into the mind of the man many hope will be the next president of the United States.

(NOTE: Senator Obama met with reporters from THE NEW JIHADIST magazine in Jerusalem; the interviewer was only identified as “TNJ,” but Obama remarks that five other people were present at the interview.)

TNJ: We appreciate you talking with us Mr. Obama; we are not enemy but we are actually surprised you talk with us, as you would negotiate with enemies; thank you for this courtesy.

BHO: Thank you for having me.

TNJ: Are you a Muslim?

BHO: No.

TNJ: Are you Sunni Muslim?

BHO: No.

TNJ: Maybe you are Shiite Muslim?

BHO: No. (Chuckles)

TNJ: Maybe you are new secret kind of Muslim?

BHO: No.

TNJ: You are certain of this?

BHO: Yes, of course; as certain as I am that I’m sitting here with the five of you, now.

TNJ: But the Americans seem very nervous you are secret Muslim. That you are Muslim as child, and are Muslim now. Is this true?

BHO: No.

TNJ: American people seem very nervous you are going to make Jihad on them from the White House. Will you do this?

BHO: Of course not. However, I do intend to wage a single-minded campaign upon the sworn enemies of the United States, as one of the means at my disposal in bringing peace back to our country, and to the world. The United States of America is not a war-loving country, despite the state of war which currently exists between us and two other nations, Iraq, and Afghanistan. I intend to bring the war in Iraq to a close in a year and a half; if unforeseen events might dictate that it should take longer, it will remain my imperative to overcome any obstacle to that goal as quickly as we can effectively do so.

And going forward it is my hope and sincere wish to assist the Iraqi government and its people as much— or as little— as they might prefer. America is a sovereign nation, and my administration will recognize and treat Iraq, and all other nations on this planet, with the very same respect we ourselves as a sovereign people wish for ourselves. And these same terms will apply in particular to our enemies.

TNJ: Sorry? Do you apply this respect to enemies for the Jihad against your nation?

BHO: In a manner of speaking, yes. Jesus Christ said, “Love your enemies.” And while my faith informs me that he meant that in the spiritual sense, it is not lost on me that he also taught that all men are brothers. We are all the children of a Divine Creator. He said that in the fellowship of his kingdom there shall be neither Jew nor gentile, rich nor poor, free nor bond, man nor woman. In our Scriptures it says that “In Christ shall all the families of the earth be blessed; that he will hear the cry of the needy and save the souls of the poor who seek him; that all nations shall call him blessed.” I believe this is true.

So; when I try to understand how Jesus, the Son of God might view the problems I face as a candidate and will face as president of the United States, you know, “What would Jesus do”— I see that our nation has strayed from the highest traditions of it’s Judeo-Christian roots. The ideal of loving one another is clear enough among the members of our American families; so our challenge as religionists, and as Americans, is to expand that familial love out to larger and larger groups of the family of man.

You know, the great symbol of the United States is an eagle who carries the arrows of destruction in one claw, and the olive branch of peace in the other; this is the way we will respect all men, in all nations. We can live together in peace, or we can fight; we will prefer to wage peace.

TNJ: You are Christian then?

BHO: Yes; my faith in God and his Son Jesus are the core of my belief system, and I hope to practice it with as many different religionists in the course of my duties as president, and as a man among men and women.

TNJ: But American Christians do not believe this is true. They say you are secret Muslim.

BHO: That perception is held by some who insist they can know me better than I know myself. But one of the things I love most about my country is we have the freedom to believe any way we like; so, I will continue to work in a manner that will quite naturally show the truth of my commitment to both God, and my country; and on behalf of our nation I will recommit to sharing those values with our all neighbors; the same values that America was founded upon, and which continue to make our country what the American people, in their noblest heart, want it to be.

TNJ: And what is that? You say to your voters, “Together we can change the world!” What is the meaning of this?


BHO: I mean a world that lives in peace, and works for mutual prosperity and cooperation; a world that is a good steward of the environment, the air, water, and natural resources that we must all depend on; a world where our highest morals and values and mutual affection for one another dictate our path and guide our planet.

TNJ: You are idealist; Idealistic? How can this be practical when many suffer at the hands of your nation?

BHO: I am an idealist, but my idealism must always be tempered by the world we live in. I am not a blind and unreasoning optimist; but I do have real confidence in mankind, that we are fully capable to recognize it is to our mutual benefit to find peaceful solutions to our problems.

Now, I understand that, perhaps you yourselves, and the people who read your magazine, are waging a holy war, a “Jihad,” against our people. That requires that our nation answer the threats against us, and we will continue to do so. But we would much rather be exploring our— yours and mine— mutually shared values, than wasting our time, youth, and treasure killing each other. That is the true “victory” the real outcome we seek in Iraq. It is my hope that we may someday soon explore the full extent of our grievances with each other, and through civil and respectful discourse, find peaceful and beneficial solutions to all of them.

Barack Obama

TNJ: You are positive person, Mr. Obama; but you are racing for president against John Sidney McCain, who jokes about killing our Iranian brothers by cigarettes! How can this man become top leader?

BHO: Well, he hasn’t, at least not yet; I’m still working as hard as I can to see that honor and responsibility will fall to me.  John McCain says I would rather lose a war so that I might win an election, and that he would rather lose an election and win a war.  To me this is a false choice; If and when I win this election it will be because the majority of the American people would rather bring a responsible end to an unnecessary war, than continue hemorrhaging  the lives of our military and our nation’s treasury, and they know that John McCain will do neither.

TNJ: And Bush! What can the world think of such a person! How can such people be elected by your people to carry out Jihad on Muslim nations!? Christian Bush says Christian God tell him to bring Armageddon to us!

BHO: There is much discussion and disagreement in my country on the Bush administration’s policies and their particular religious viewpoint. I intend real change for our nation, and there has been a great reception by the American people to our message of hope and change, and an end to the ways of war; I have asked our people to believe in my ability to bring real change, but also to believe in their own ability to do the same.

TNJ: You are touring the Middle Eastern area. American press say you are gathering facts and “fortifying your credentials as commander-in-chief.” Is this what you do here?

BHO: It’s true, I haven’t had too many jobs with a commander-in-chief component. But as America’s next president, I want to see firsthand and hear from our young soldiers; they are why I’m here.

TNJ: You are brown man— black and white; how does this qualify you to lead your country?

BHO: My religion has probably done more to teach me about all kinds of people than anything else, but my racial heritage has allowed me to look at not only whites and blacks particularly, but all races, with a renewed sense of respect. After a time I realized correctly I think, that God made us different to make loving one another a serious undertaking; to build our characters in ways that, if we were all one race, would not call forth those experiences that cause real growth and understanding between nations and their peoples.

TNJ: You are supporter of Israel; how can you be fair to plight of Palestinian people?

BHO: Israel is an important friend and ally of ours; they are an important democratic nation in a troubled and strategic region. My first responsibility is of course to the American people, and the security of our nation. But even the most powerful nations of the world can ill afford to ignore the needs of even the weakest nations; we must find the ways to ensure we live together in peace. Therefore in an international sense I am as committed to the safety of all human beings, as I am committed to the safety and well being of the Palestinian people, and will work to find equitable and fair solutions to the problems that confront both the Palestinians and the Israeli people.

When we talked earlier about changing the world, I was reminded that three of the world’s greatest religions look to Jerusalem as the nexus of their collective faith; so much history involves here. This is a part of the world that should be recognized as the primary historical center of our collective recognition of the Divine Creator; a place that should eschew all violence; especially violence perpetrated in God’s name. It’s time we honored the religious heritage of our world by at the very least, respecting the one city that has been host to so much of our religious history.

TNJ: We must end interview; we must go. We thank you for your time with us, we will be watching for your success in America.

BHO: Very well. I thank you all for your time as well. May we both find our way to peace in our time.


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