DEADMOOSE, Alaska (C.U.News) Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin said she told Congress “No thanks” to The Bridge To Nowhere, and plans to sell it and other items on Ebay.
Returning from a short hunting trip to the Alaskan wilderness, Palin spoke to a handful of respectful and deferential reporters at a small airfield in this isolated Alaskan township.
“Along with my fellow maverick John McCain— did you know he spent 5 1/2 years as POW in Vietnam?— I promise to retroactively end pork barrel spending in Washington, just like I did here in Alaska with that stupid bridge, and airplane, not to mention that froofy little chef.”
The perky Alaskan governor added with a wink: “A little stock tip, folks. Buy up as much Ebay stock as you can.”
“Hey, that beats John’s barbecued ribs any day,” said one reporter, drawing hearty laughs from his fellows.
Another scribe asked what she was wearing around her neck. Palin held up a necklace of freshly severed wolf paws and beamed:
“Bounty, my friends. Bounty. At $150 bucks each, I’m going to need a second Christmas tree just to put all the additional presents under. Did you know I have five kids and a grandchild on the way?”
“You’ll have to excuse me, now. I have a wedding to plan,” she said, waving her shotgun playfully as she made her way over to her up-armored Humvee.