THE PERILS OF POMPADOUR DEMENTIA

POMPADOUR DEMENTIA: BlagobitchMilorad “Rod” R. Blagojevich with smarter friends in 1974;  exhibiting early onset dementia, already affecting subject’s behavior.

 

 

CHICAGO — The early onset of a rare hair disease known as Pompadour Dementia is being blamed for Illinois Governor Milorad “Rod” R. Blagojevich‘s Bluto-like behavior, recently exposed by federal prosecutors.  The exact cause(s) of Pompadour Dementia remain unknown, but it is well established that both genetic and environmental factors are involved.  The disease is a variant in the family of tic disorders, and is commonly referred to as Noggin’ Turrets, due to the victim’s propensities to demonstrate totally insane behaviors despite unusually successful careers.

 

POMPADOUR DEMENTIA: elvis

Elvis Presley, after whose “pompadour” the disorder was named, is the most famous of all early examples of Noggin’ Turrets (Pompadour Dementia).  The voluminous hair is often associated with physical spasms of a unique character which are often confused with what were thought to be displays of talent.

The disorder was named “Pompadour” after the affliction’s main deviation of combing abnormally voluminous amounts of hair back in the manner of Elvis Presley, (an early undiagnosed victim) or conversely, after the fashion of “Potsie” (i.e., now the “Potsie” variant) on the long running series, “Happy Days.”  Remarkably, another lead character, “The Fonz,” portrayed by Henry Winkler, was also afflicted with the condition;  this happenstance set clinicians searching for other examples of multiple cases occurring in close working associations;  (see Fox News exemplars, below).  The disease is not thought to be contagious, although anecdotal evidence has been shown to exist in certain stressful occupations where rampant and emotional prevarication is the norm.

Remarkably, most sufferers of the disorder are affected mentally quite rapidly. Early tells are: 1: believing the sudden profusion of hair to be an attractive facet of their uniqueness;  2: becoming oblivious to any social stigmatization that may be directed at them from disaffected fans, paparazzi, neighbors, small gnawing animals, etc.

Warren “Potsie”  Weber showing advanced-onset.

The “Fonz,” displaying an early “Elvis” variant.

The CLUSTER FACTOR

The disorder does produce several other unfortunate deviations.  These deviant exemplars invariably demonstrate the “cluster factor,” where individuals with the disease often find employment in similar fields, or even the same company.  One famous example:  Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity, both exemplars of early-onset deviations, and both of whom are currently employed by Fox News Corp.

Bill 'OLoofa 'O'Reilly

Bill O’Reilly exhibiting the heart-breaking and rare “Loofa” deviation.


Pompadour Dementia: Hannity "Slimey Bastard"

Sean Hannity of Fox News;  early exemplar of the “Slimy Bastard” deviation.


Notable Exemplars of Pompadour Dementia

Pompadour Dementia: Rove, Carl: "Slimey Bastard" Deviation

Karl Rove;  very early “Slimy Bastard” deviation;  this deviation was named after Rove.

Pompadour Dementia: samuel jackson

Samuel L. Jackson; only known photograph of full-blown symptom, Jackson often shaved his head several times daily to hide the disorder;  he wore a jerry curl wig in the movie Pulp Fiction.

The Ronnettes, group Pompadour Dementia

The Ronettes were all early examples of the Cluster Factor in women.

Pompedore Dementia

The late Amy Winehouse in advanced stage of Beehive deviation;  thinking it actually looks cool is the beginning of the end.

 

Pompadour Dementia: palin beehive

Sarah Palin, exhibiting Beehive deviation with unusual “Grizzly” variant. Critics of her recently revealed hairdresser expenses are unaware of her disorder, which requires vigorous daily pruning.

 

Classic Beehive DeviationUnknown exemplar of advanced classic “Beehive” deviation.

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  1. i’m laughing so damned hard, that i can barely type well enough to remind you that you forgot the new beehive on the block, princess sarah palin! her beehive cost as much as all the other put together, times 100!