The Chrome Plated Megaphone Of Destiny



resurrection swoon The Chrome Plated Megaphone of DestinyCover for Zappa’s latest collection of work in the next world.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Urantian Sojourn is thrilled to be able to bring you Frank Zappa‘s very first post-resurrection interview!  (Permission for this extraordinary event was granted after the start of this year’s Zappadan, but better late than never, feh!)  Also.
We can’t really say much about how we obtained a copy of the interview— other than it was on the up ‘n up.  So, enjoy this f’n amazing peek into Frank Zappa’s post-resurrection existence.  —ED.


Frank Vincent Zappa, Urantian musician, was resurrected on the third period following his physical death on December 4, 1993.  He was as surprised as any resurrectee that comes through here, pretty much a fucked-up agnostic who thought he was just another burnt weenie.  But Frank is quick, clever, and smart, and got with the program from day one.  I (a temporary personal guide assigned to Frank Zappa) interviewed him at his residence on Mansonia One, on the occasion of the celebration of his 69th (earth years) birthday.

US: Frank— first things first, happy birthday!

FZ: Hey— thank you very much.

US: So, why don’t we start at your beginning here… how was your resurrection?

FZ: Well… In a couple words, fucking unbelievable!  Really. Ya know, one second I was dying, and the next “second” I’m kinda walking through the proverbial “green pastures,” ya know, then I’m waking up, surrounded by the seraphim and the cherubim of the resurrection, and it was so smooth and stunning, I… just, well, you know— swooned.

US: Yeah.  So you’re here what— wow— goin’ on sixteen Urantia years already. That’s only five Mansonia years and some change, but you seem to be getting through Philo Rehab [philosophical re-orientation] pretty well.

FZ: Yeah, yeah, amazing how time goes here, with the 71 hour days and the 100 day years. There’s that transcending time thing goin’ on, too.  They do throw a lot at you here, as you know, and they’re so matter of fact about it all, they told me music had me pretty fucked up,  surprise, so I’m glad to finally be getting all the attention I deserve, ha. ha. ha.

US: Speaking of attention.  I heard that a “Catholic Girl” Contingent that met with you—  a “dozen” of them— was pretty upset that you wrote another song about them.

FZ: That’s right. Yeahhh… that was a few years ago. Those particular girls and boys were still clinging to their earth-religion,  just like the Obama man said, the president-elect, back in America?

US: Yeah, great things are happening there, I understand—  I should mention that resurrectors like you, begin up here exactly where you left off down there…

FZ: …Yeah… no shit.

US: So how did it go with them?

FZ: …I gave’m a little sample of the chorus action. . . like:
(sings and dances)

“Catholic Girls
They’re still on a guilt trip
Catholic Girls
They still got teh soft lips
Catholic Girls
They been resurrected
Catholic Girls
But they still feel rejected

US: Ha!

FZ: So. . .  Surprisingly though, we parted somewhat amicably.  I think.

US: And it’s on your first release up here, “Resurrection Swoon.” Which I understand the title track was a take-off of your earlier earth tune, “Concentration Moon.”

FZ: Right. It’s a collection of music using the new instruments, mostly;  I’m still getting the hang of most of them, which are a lot more demanding that the crude electrical stuff I was used to.  But my fans here still insist on those references, and I do aim to please, now more than ever…

US: Still got that edgy snark thing goin’ strong, I see…

FZ:  Sure, well.  A lot of my fans carry as much baggage here as I do, ya know.

US: Like what?

FZ:  Like… they insist on the Fu Manchu, and what passes for hair here.  It’s arrested development, but I’ll oblige them for a while, but some day, ya know, it’ll be gone.

US: Yeah well; I confess I’ll miss it.  But you ARE what you is, dude.  So with whom are you hangin’ these days?

FZ: Oh… Hm.. Well it’s a bummer how many musicians are still sleeping, [not resurrected] ya know?  But Eddy—  Edgard Varése is here, and of course, we’re gettin’ into sound… he’s an amazing teacher, you know, he’s teaching me a lot, but he’s still busy finishing L’Astronome, (Astronomer) and Espace, but they’ve grown into amazingly thi— well.. I can’t talk about it in a way that will make any sense back home on Yur-Ran-Cha… (wiggles all ten fingers next to his head)

US: Speaking of back home, you heard some bloggers have started a celebratory holiday of all things Frank Zappa, called “Zappadan”?

FZ: Yeah… I’m flattered, of course.  I hope it’s fun.  But hey, ya know my friend Eddy died November 8th, and was born December 22nd;  seems like they’re missing an opportunity there. . .  they should have a Varése-Arama or something;  Eddy deserves it…

US: Well, they’ve all got a lot on their plates these days.  Maybe when they aren’t scrambling so much for social justice, solving their energy problems, emerging from barbarism, and trying to restore some sanity to the world.
So… maybe we should wrap.  Any last thoughts for the folks back home?

FZ:  Well sure. Hey kids:  don’t fuck around so much;  time is valuable. None of you know how much you have left there, get that through your heads.  Get something done when you have the chance! Procrastinate now!  I’m kidding. No really— have fun—  have lots of it. just don’t waste your time and energy on stupid stuff.  Stuff without real value.  Find what’s real.  Learn all you can about everything that smells important to you.  It all comes in handy up here.

That picking-it-up exactly where you-left-off-down-there thing is haunting, believe me.  I have some regrets;  the thing is to try and minimize those while you can.  There’s nothing second class in true art or music, so do your best, always.  Be true to the best.  Be true to the truth.

US: Alright, my man.  Words of experiential wisdom there, from Frank Zappa, kids.  Do your best.  Thanks, Frank.  See you at rehearsal.

Frank Zappa Resurrected

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