WASHINGTON — April 3rd, 2069 The infamous “Boner Memorial,” a controversial sculpture eulogizing the demise of the Republican Party of the late twentieth century, will be moved next week to a private museum dedicated to significant political anachronisms. Carved in 2020, the sculpture depicts the de facto leader of the Republican party in it’s death throes, Congressman John Boehner of Ohio.
The party became universally regarded as “the party of zero,” after their collective failure to tally a single supporting vote during the twenty-seven historically significant policies which historians laud as having salvaged America’s future and thereby rescuing the nation from financial and cultural disaster.
Boehner (pronounced BAY-ner, but widely satirized as “Boner,” a crass euphemism for an erect penis) served as the House Minority Leader in the 111th Congress through the course of the crash-and-burn stage of the party’s spectacular collapse early in the presidency of Barack Obama. Boehner is depicted slinking off in shock and depression, leaving behind an enormous column of petrified feces, which the artist claimed was their only legacy. Boehner, more than any number of deserving Republican figures, came to represent the discredited principles associated with the virulent fascistic conservatism of America in the late twentieth century.
In addition to the amazing world-changing achievements of the Obama presidency, historians also point to the habitual and characteristically childish whining, public weeping, and blind partisanship of Representative Boehner as a major factor in the general public’s complete revulsion towards the party, which finally came to be understood as a corrupt cabal of stooges for the wealthiest 1% of Americans after the turn of the century.
Critics of the statue’s removal from public display say it is far too soon to think we don’t need a constant reminder of our gullibility as a people to believe the lies of self-serving politicians.