No More Monkeyin’ Around

BrownbackSen. Sam “Half Simian, Half Human” Brownback, R-Kansas; where else.

Jason Linkens.

Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kan.) — an ardent anti-abortion activist — is worried that the Obama administration’s loosening of restrictions on stem cell research will result in the creation of a new race of bio-engineered “human-animal” hybrid freaks.
Or beautiful mermaids.

The bill — modeled on an inexplicably overlooked effort by Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal — would ban the creation of “part-human, part-animal creatures, which are created in laboratories, and blur the line between species.”

“‘Human animal’ hybrid freaks.”  That’s just toooo rich …the irony nearly crushes my hybrid duckbill.

And, “Blur the line between species”??  Is that even possible??  Don’t fundies believe the things that God puts together, no man can put asunder?  Where’s the faith?  Oh wait— Sam’s a Methodist-Evangelical-Catholic hybrid— so all those divorces are no good… faith in fear trumps all… and God needs all the help he can get from human-animal hybrids like Sam when it comes to keepin’ Sam’s backward-assed dogma intact and pure.

Of course, Brownback, (named after the tasty dwarf brownback monkey from the Amizonas— itself a pygmy-monkey hybrid— ) is helping God preserve the Creation Story (You know— when God took the jawbone of an ass and mixed it with clay to create Adam, the first human-animal hybrid) by getting insane animal-hybrid legislation passed in the midst of our fiscal crisis;  now that’s leadership that will catapult him ahead of any human-Jack Russel terrier hybrids that might be running in 2012.



  1. We may find out eventually, nonnie, because genetics will one day recover from the tarnishing Hitler gave it to begin intelligently and humanely breeding Teh Stoopid out of the human gene pool. And fear-addled dipsticks like Brownback will still be around to show us exactly why we need to do it no matter what.

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