Top Ten “Higher Callings” of Sarah Palin

SarahPalinShootingFa-Fa-Fa- Farr Away

NOTE: Like a terminal disease, what’s-her-face keeps clawin’ out a hole in the psyche of AMurka.  We rerun this post as a public service to remind her to get herself back on task.

In her rambling, sometimes incoherent resignation rant, Sarah Palin was crystal clear about one thing:  she was leaving her disgusting materialistic salaried position as governor of Alaska to pursue a “Higher Calling.”

“How sad that Washington and the media will never understand; it’s about country.
And though it’s honorable for countless others to leave their positions for a higher calling and without finishing a term, of course we know by now, for some reason a different standard applies for the decisions I make.”

You betcha we’re intrigued by the phrase “higher calling,” suggesting as it does, a morally superior, also even quasi-religious calling that would transcend merely cashing in on her celebrity, also too, so Propagandee and I pushed our moose steaks aside and looked at the ten most likely possibilities for a wingnut ex-half governor turned freelance fish philosopher-cum-fundraising unity fighter.  (Oh, And Fuck The Press.)

We wanted to take our cues from those “countless others” who left their “positions… without finishing a term,” but even with the Googley appendage thing we couldn’t find any.  So also too that left us with the “different standard” that everyone else uses for decisions she makes, so here they are, the top ten “Higher Callin’s” of Sarah Also Too Palin:

# 10To resurrect her political career by running for an office several orders of magnitude more demanding than the three previous public jobs she quit.

POPE PALIN#9. Declare herself Pope Barracuda of the Church of Sarah Palin;  wingnuts worship her as the queen of her own religion;  trounces Pope Benedict in every single poll that asks, “Who is more attractive in frocks and robes:  Pope Palin, or Joe the Pope Ratzinger?

CrucifiedPalin#8. To be constantly crucified on the cross of the Liberal Media  (Hey, don’t knock it— It helped make a Jewish carpenter into the biggest media star of all time. Of course, he didn’t go shopping for crosses before dragging one up Golgotha)

Palin Fishes#7 To transform a few dead fish and loaves of bread into meals-a-plenty by helping her state become the country’s largest per capita recipient of federal earmarks (a talent discernible during her mayoralty of a town of 8,000 for which she snagged a cool $27 million from the evil feds)

Palinesque#6Become the new face of Liberty in Alaska the world by mocking Russia from the porch of her million dollar home that Todd and his buddies built

Wubby Diva#5. Gain several hundred pounds by eating Moose Stew and Grizzly Fricassee to become the world’s first Wingnut Wubby Diva

PalinTard5#4.  To inaugurate a faith based domestic and foreign policy where supporting evidence is consigned to the hellfires of the collective memory hole.

SarahSwaggart#3.  Become a Pentecostal televangelist to fight the good fight against the lies of Evolution

ClintPalin#2. Move to Hollywood and become an
Clint Eastwood impersonator

… And the number one higher calling of Sarah Palin:


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  1. Avatar Michael Hart

    BN, longtime no see; Sarah won’t heed the call of a subpoena; she’s got bigger fish to distribute.

    nonnie, princess sarah will check out of alaska, but she will never leave.

    Hey Fearguth, you must be from that generation that learned to count to ten; clearly we’re not. We found #4 laying in a heap on the cutting room floor. And Michael Karolchyk wouldn’t know a chubbie if one slapped him upside the head.

  2. good thing that the citizens of alaska need not despair that princess sarah has resigned. paula abdul may not have a contract with american idol this year, so she’ll be available to run for governor. untalented, moronic, and spaced-out–it’ll be like princess sarah never left!

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