F’TARD

FTARD Gohmert

When is an F’TARD a douche AND a Gomer?  When it’s Lewey “Lew-eye” Gomert

 

IF you’re like me, a few weeks ago you had never heard of Louie Buller Gohmert.  Probably the only “gohmerty” thing in your cerebrum was a moldy, desiccated old synaptic turdlet of fucktard extraordinaire, Gomer Pyle, the 1960s  cultural antidepressant  in the form of a sitcom featuring Jim Neighbors as a boot-brained marine recruit, who’s only saving grace was that if he had ever made it to the Vietnam War— which raged during the show’s entire run without ever being mentioned— he would have been dispatched within a week.

The Urban Dictionary has way too many definitions of “f’tard”— 339 and counting— because there’s no way to prevent f’tards from writing definitions of f’tard:

4.  Noun. A combination of the word “fuck” (to fornicate) and the word “tard” (to delay).  Therefore, a fucktard is a girl who won’t let you fornicate with her until like the third or fourth date.

5.  A leotard with a hole in the crotch instead of snaps so you can get some quick in and out action between ballet performances.

8.  NOT A CONTRACTION FOR “FUCKING RETARD”! Those who are truly “retarded” are not responsible for their affliction. True Fucktards are 100% responsible for their situation and provide vast entertainment as they are usually blissfully unaware of their own Fucktardery. Most politicians for example.

3.  An alias that is used by a very clever person to make Mensa members look like idiots on discussion boards.

21. George “Dubya” Bush The 43rd President of the United States of America – George Walker Bush.  “How the fuck is this fucktard the leader of the free world?!”

339. The fucktard that wrote definition 201 is a fucktard. A fucktard is anybody whom makes up their mind before hearing the issue at hand.  I.e., A fucktard is our not-so-beloved President George W. Bush, Radical Right Wingers, Radical Left Wingers, and, of course, the person that wrote definition 201.

And on and on like that, only more juvenile;  for 50 pages.  And now, some f’tards have gotten together and actually produced a magazine.  Of course I am a F’TARD subscriber, and the December issue is in my hands as I write this.

So, like a mind controlling eel from The Wrath of Khan, Buller Gohmert has wriggled into our auditory canals with a series of fuctard stupid human tricks, like holding up signs advertising his fuctardery during President Obama’s address to the Congress.

Gohmerneider GohmertL. Buller was a real life Doug Niedermeyer, as a Brigade Commander of the Core of Cadets at Texas A & M.  Now he’s bringing disgrace to another House.

And now Buller is on the cover of F’TARD, along with A-TEAM f’tards like Beck and Hannity.  And for what, you ask?  This is the fucktard  who stood on the House floor and said, “[President Obama’s] socialist health care … is going to absolutely kill senior citizens.  They’ll put them on lists and force them to die early.”

There isn’t anything you need to know about Buller other than he should never have been elected to public office, and should be removed from public office at the first legal opportunity.  And. He should also have a new paragraph in his Dikipedia page giving him credit for linking up “Gomer” and “douchebag” with fucktard in the minds of the lovers of political satire.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to reline a certain African Grey’s cage floor with this month’s F’TARD.

Prove you're human: leave a comment.

  1. Zirgar,
    If I remember correctly, Buller was spawned in Texas; but he refined his stupidity in Georgia before actually becoming a judge— a fucking judge— back in Tixass. He made it to Congress through a Republican 2003 mid-decade redistricting. I’ll bet those mofos are really proud of Buller.

  2. i really have to take you guys to a new magazine kiosk. the mags you’ve been getting are not good for your health. louie gohmert has been trying to out-batshit michele batshit bachmann for some time. i think it’s a new rethug game. virginia so-not-a foxx and so many others have been saying all kinds of ridiculous shit just so they’ll be mentioned on all the cable news programs. my guess is that they live in overwhelmingly f’tard districts where the f’tards say the same stupid things as they do.

    p.s. (whispering) it’s nabors, not neighbors.

    • we doan need no stinking kiosk, we buy all our mags from a f’tardical website. it’s kinda our way of being brave like other bloggers who actually watch fux noiz, which we don’t have the stomach for.

      not many people know that jim nabors nearly died in ’94, but friend and neighbor carol burnett found an extra liver in the neighborhood somewhere and saved his f’tard portrayals of rural f’tards to live another day. since he now has an unknown neighbors’ liver, we think it’s only appropriate to misspell his last name in honor of the neighbor’s liver. (how’s that for a save? :mrgreen: )

      • works for me! he also sold his land to a conservationist organization, so i guess that makes him his neighbor’s keeper. another reason why you are correct, and i was so wrong, wrong, wrong. 😳