Senator Mitch McConnell joined Gov. Oiley Barbour for some “good ‘ol sport fishin” Wednesday, in an effort to allay the fears of radical leftist fish lovers and prove that the “sport” is not actually “dead.”
BILOXI — Mississippi’s Governor, Haley Barbour, a well-fed former Washington lobbyist, has matter-‘o-factly said the oil slick slickin’ offshore is “jist a sheen in most places.” While most experts reluctantly agree with Barbour that the slick is, in fact, “in most places,” they also claim it’s much much more than a “sheen.”
But the rotund governor is not the least bit deterred by their pissant pessimism. “Come on down heah an play golf, enjoy the beach, catch you a fish, and pay up a little sales tax while ya here,” said Barbour during a televised news conference in Biloxi, Wednesday.
“Mitch an I went out early today an had us one helluva time. Why it twarnt two minutes for I hooked and hauled in a damn nice snapper-doodle. Now sure he had a little sheen on ‘im, but he put iup a good fight. ” Skipper Frenchy Laverne, owner of the boat “Better Daze,” snapped a picture of Barbour with the listless oil-saturated snapper.
“Off the record, the fish aren’t fightin’ anything like they used to. Fact is, most of ’em do more floatin’ than fightin’, ” Laverne said.
Barbour is generally well-liked by Mississippians, despite sounding like a brain-damaged feral Chester White.* Mississippi’s Democratic speaker of the House, Billy “Bat Guano” McCoy, who frequently clashes with “Good ‘Ol Oiley” over more mundane matters in the Mississippi House, said he has always respected the governor’s “handlin’ of disasters.”
“He knows what he’s doin’,” McCoy said. “For a fat sumbitch, he moves in sortuva hurry and makes a damned huge wake.”
*“Chester White” is a popular variety of swine, most often solid white.