Oven Mitt
Oven Mitt gets up-close and persuasive with another, far less-fortunate turkey.

LA JOLLA, CA — Three apparently poorly-vetted photos have the heat turned up in the Romney kitchen once again. The photos were distributed Wednesday by the Romney Campaign itself, explained spokesperson Bitsy Pestle, in an effort to re-frie Mitt Romney‘s flaccid ratings with America’s women after his recent attempts to introduce undignified welfare mothers to the “dignity of work“— outside their domiciles. Oh and yes, these are the “very poor” that Mitt Romney isn’t “worried about.”

Mitt Romney Booty
A decidedly undignified candidate Oven Mitt makes breakfast at the “crack of dawn.” Now we know where the you-grabbed-my-butt joke started.

As governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, referring to young mothers, told a campaign crowd  “…Even if you have a child two years of age, you need to go to work.”  Romney wants female welfare recipients to experience the “dignity of work” by having an outside the home job in addition to the job of raising children, because parenting “does not give poor mothers ‘the dignity of work.”

Matt Yglesias at Slate:

“The phrase ‘the dignity of work’ is extremely condescending and ignores precisely the point the Romney camp was trying to make about Ann Romney—unpaid household work is still work and it’s still hard.”  

And when it suited him, as it did in 1994, Romney also pointed out that the world has changed since the 1960s: “Now mom and dad both have to work.” 

Indeed they do.  And he means mom has to work more, and specifically outside the home, if she wants real dignity.  Only, the “dignity of work” for these welfare “queens” as Reagan called them, in addition to raising children, will garner them just 77 cents on the dollar compared to men;  oh wait, that’s a different Romney gaff.

And that’s precisely why the photos of “Oven Mitt“— a term of endearment coined by one of his children after a particularly odiferous adventure on a Viking six-burner range— letting it all hang out in the kitchen have whipped up more tasty questions than they have answered.

Instantly dubbed the “Crack of Dawn Dignity” photo, hungry reporters wanted to know the whereabouts of Romney‘s secret Mormon undergarments, and were quick to draw a parallel to the stereotyped image of woman as “naked, barefoot, and chained to the kitchen stove.”  A bleary-eyed, bare-assed Romney manned the stove as the sun rose, said spokesperson Pestle, not because “Oven Mitt” was suffering some kinky form of reverse discrimination, but because his alarm had not gone off before dawn, as it was just “his turn” to get up early and make Sunday breakfast for the Romney brood.

As the day wore on, it was Romney himself who shed more light upon the family’s too racy for prime time “dinner table event” banter:

“Dinner table event” pranks that can’t be repeated on the air??  Tell me more, man who lives for laughter…
Mitt Fit
A slightly uncoiffed, red-faced, and possibly teary-eyed Mitt has a spatula in a death grip and glares menacingly off-camera— Is this a Mitt-Fit after a prank gone bad? Freewheeling Food Fight? Seamus acting out? Does anyone give a shit?
But it’s this photo that’s really got the press stewing in teh au jus— what in hell is happening there?  Nobody’s telling.  Yet.
The real question Americans want answered is not whether these antics will continue at their various dinner tables— the one at the big house with a car elevator in La Jolla, the two big ones in the Boston area, the ski lodge in Utah, and a couple of lakeside residences in New Hampshire.  It’s not whether Anne Romney actually takes care of all of them by herself, now that Mitt is running for office and “can’t have illegals.”  No, the real question is whether or not the “dinner table events” at a Romney White House will be filled with unrepeatable, undignified pranks.
If we’re really lucky, we will never have to find out.

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