WMR: Barack, how are you.
BHO: Willard, Mittens, Romney.
WMR: Heh heh, yeah, it’s me, Mitt. How are you doing.
BHO: how am I doin’? How are YOU DOIN’.
WMR: Heh heh heh. Listen, I heard what you’ve been saying, and that’s why I’m calling.
BHO: No no no. I hear that you heard what I’ve been sayin’, but do you truly hear what I’m sayin’?
WMR: Mm… Wh… What are you saying?
BHO: Willard, you’re sittin’ there with one huge-assed tax problem.
WMR: You know, I think maybe the best thing is that you forget the tax thing.
BHO: Maybe so. But the American people are not gonna forget the “tax thing.”
And your fellow Mormon, Harry Reid, is definitely not gonna forget the tax thing.
Do you hear me, Willard?
WMR: Okay, yes, yes, I think I hear you.
BHO: Willard. I want to stay in the White House; I want to be re-elected.
And to be re-elected, I need an opponent I can beat. I think you’re that man.
But I like you. I like you, Willard. My wife likes you.
And we want you to stay in this race.
You do wanna stay in this race, don’t you, Willard?
Are you listnin’?
WMR: Y… Yes.
BHO: So here’s what Ima do for you.
Ima hope you do the right thing; and
God bless you Willard, I hope you decide to
put the American people first for once.
But this is whatchu gonna do for me.
You listenin’ Willard?
WMR: Yeah— yes. Wha..what can I do for you, Barack, you just tell me, what can I do for you.
BHO: It’s a very personal, very important thing.
Hell. It’s a family motto. Are you ready, Willard?
WMR: I’m ready.
BHO: Wanna make sure you’re ready, brotha.
Here it is:
Show me the money.
OWWW HO HOEA! YYEAH!
SHOW! — ME! — THEE! — MONEY!
DOESN’T IT FEEL GOOD JUST TO SAY THAT?!
WMR: Sh.. Show you the money? What money?
BHO: OH NO NO. You can do better than that Willard, I want you to say it like you mean it, brother!
WMR: Yeah, yeah, “show you the money.”
BHO: NO! NOT SHOW “YOU”— SHOW “ME” THE MONEY!
WMR: Show me the money.
BHO: YES! LOUDER!!
WMR: Show me the money!
BHO: THAT’S IT, BROTHER!! BUT YA GOTTA YELL THAT SHIT!
WMR: SHOW ME THE MONEY!
BHO: I NEED TO FEEL YOU, WILLARD!!
WMR: SHOW ME THE MONEYYY!
BHO: WILLARD YOU BETTER YELL!
WMR: SHOW ME THE MONNNEYYYYY!!
SHOW ME THE MONNNNEYYYYY!!
SHOW ME THE MONNNNNEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
BHO: YOU LOVE THIS BLACK MAN!!
WMR: I LOVE THE BLACK MANNN!!! SHOW ME THE MONNNEYYYYYYY!!!
BHO: I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE.
WMR: I LOVE BLACK PEOPULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!
BHO: SHOW US THE TAXES.
WMR: SHOW US THE TAXESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
BHO: WATCHOO GONNA DO WILLARD—
WMR: SHOW ME THE MONEYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyy! ! ! ! ! ! ……
BHO: UGH. Congratulations. You’re still my opponent.
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For the Jerry Maguire challenged: