It’s just common sense, Homer: Don’t watch a bird team in the Super Bowl without eating some kind of wings. We prefer the wings of chickens, because they taste like chicken, and chicken is gooood. But don’t take any chances, get free range organic unless you have an early death wish; in which case you’ll probably be hitting the nearest KFC again anyway.
If you read this blog— and you should— then you already know that “beer is for pigs,” just like Steve Allen said. So be sentient and pick up a few inexpensive and excellent bottles of Rodney Strong Sonoma County Chardonnay and get it chilled. Drink that first glass during the first quarter; it’ll help relax you if your team didn’t show up.
Realize that you’ll be hungry before the second quarter; get some real chips, or make some yourself; Ima just assume you know how. And use them to scoop this delicious fresh stuff up and in:
- 2 fresh limes
- 2 large ripe tomatoes, or 4 plum tomatoes
- 1 big jalapeno
- 1 big serrano
- 1/2 cup chopped Bermuda onion
- 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
- 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, or to taste
- (Don’t fuck it up by adding cucumber either— this is for the Super Bowl.)
1. Seed the chilis if you want to taste the wine— and chop them into healthy chunks— this is for the Super Bowl, remember?
2. But why do people seed tomatoes? Eat those damned seeds! This is the Super Bowl! Chop the tomatoes. Did you wash them first?
3. Put the chilis, tomatoes, onion, and cilantro in a super bowl and sprinkle the salt over it.
4. Half the limes, and cut a cross halfway down each half, and squeeze every last drop of that amazing liquid over everything.
5. Stir, and let stand 3 seconds or less before serving yourself a giant chip full of this stuff.
Note: this is a single manly serving, for a man, watching an exciting Super Bowl. Do the math if you’re making pico for other men and women.
Wings To Die For
- 12 whole chicken wings or drummies, or you know, as many as you need
- 3 ounces organic butter
- 1 large clove garlic, minced
- 1/4 cup of your favorite hot sauce (We like Cholula)
- A healthy tablespoon of Sambal Oelek (Super Bowl— this can be hot)
- 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
- Place a 6-quart saucepan with a steamer basket and 1-inch of water in the bottom, over high heat, cover and bring to a boil.
- Remove the tips of the wings and discard.
- Using kitchen shears, or a knife, a hatchet, anything sharp, separate the wings at the joint.
- Place the wings into the steamer basket, cover, reduce the heat to medium and steam for 10 minutes.
- Remove the wings from the basket and pat’em dry.
- Lay the wings out on a cooling rack set in a half sheet pan lined with paper towels and place in the refrigerator for 1 hour. Do I have to tell you again— this is the Super Bowl?
- Preheat the oven to 425 degrees, and if you’re cool, you’ll do it so the preheat timer goes off on the stove the same minute the hour in the fridge is up.
- Replace the paper towels with parchment paper. Your wife will know what this is, and she may have some. But You could impress the hell out of everyone and bring some home with the other goodies, because you actually did the shopping.
- Roast on the middle rack of the oven for 20 minutes. Turn the wings over and roast another 20 minutes— check the color at 10 minutes— or until meat is cooked through and the skin is a delicious golden brown.
- While teh Wings be roastin’, melt the butter in a small bowl along with the garlic.
- Pour this and the hot sauce and salt into a really super bowl, one large enough to hold all the bird parts, and stir it, stir it good.
- Remove the parts from the oven and put’em in the bowl with the sauce. Shake it, dudes. Serve’m at halftime because, watch the game.
- Optional petition: GO Falcons! Ravens! Cardinals! Seahawks! etc.**
* As in: Pico de gallo (literally, “Rooster’s Beak”)
**I always root for the team with wings, if there is one.