Ted Cruz DoGSenator Ted Cruz walked out of the Mens Congressional restroom Friday, talking to a levitating ballpark frank.

Ted Cruz Chats With His Lunch in the Congressional Men’s Room

WASHINGTON—  A partially dressed and apparently deranged Senator Ted Cruz (®Texas), emerged from the Congressional Men’s room Friday, alternately sobbing and talking coherently with an apparently invisible sausage or hot dog, which he claimed was hovering just above his head in front of him.

The Senator, who was shirtless and covered with dark paw marks of some sort was met outside the restroom by a phalanx of Capital Hill reporters with recording devices and a few snickers.

When asked why he was sobbing, Cruz responded, “Look!  Just look what they did to my sweet little dog, Teddy;  Obamacare grilled my sweet little dog.  Well, why doesn’t he try and say it to my dog’s face!”

“Um, where is your dog Teddy now, sir?” asked Fox News reporter, Ed Henry.  “There— right there in the lights, just in front of me” replied Cruz, staring off to the ceiling.  The senator then made a series of little stroking motions, as if he were petting a dog;  an uncomfortable silence was broken by the arrival of Capital Hill Security, who gingerly escorted the Senator from the room.

Cruz, who Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) recently said was “…a laughing stock to everybody but him,” led the costly Tea Party debacle which shut down the United States Government for sixteen days;  current estimates say the shutdown cost 900,000 jobs.  Conservative pundicks say this is exactly the kind of thing that will endear him to the angry dead-ender conservative base, who are determined to vote against their own best interest, even if it means voting for a douche who talks to hotdogs while laying cable.


46 Assholes



Assholes Who Voted Against An Amendment Proposed by Sens. Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.) and Pat Toomey (R-Pa.) To Require Background Checks For Commercial Gun Sales¹

Lamar Alexander (ASSHOLE-TN)
Kelly Ayotte (ASSHOLE-NH)
John Barrasso (ASSHOLE-WY)
Max Baucus (ASSHOLE-MT)
Mark Begich (ASSHOLE-AK)
Roy Blunt (ASSHOLE-MO)
John Boozman (ASSHOLE-AR)
Richard Burr (ASSHOLE-NC)
Saxby Chambliss (ASSHOLE-GA)
Dan Coats (ASSHOLE-IN)
Tom Coburn (ASSHOLE-OK)
Thad Cochran (ASSHOLE-MS)
Bob Corker (ASSHOLE-TN)
John Cornyn (ASSHOLE-TX)
Mike Crapo (ASSHOLE-ID)
Michael Enzi (ASSHOLE-WY)
Deb Fischer (ASSHOLE-NE)
Jeff Flake (ASSHOLE-AZ)
Lindsey Graham (ASSHOLE-SC)
Chuck Grassley (ASSHOLE-IA)
Orrin Hatch (ASSHOLE-UT)
Heidi Heitkamp (ASSHOLE-ND)
Dean Heller (ASSHOLE-NV)
John Hoeven (ASSHOLE-ND)
Jim Inhofe (ASSHOLE-OK)
Johnny Isakson ASSHOLE-GA)
Mike Johanns (ASSHOLE-NE)
Ron Johnson (ASSHOLE-WI)
Mitch McConnell (FUKHEAD-KY)
Jerry Moran (ASSHOLE-KS)
Lisa Murkowski (ASSHOLE-AK)
Rob Portman (ASSHOLE-OH)
Mark Pryor (ASSHOLE-AR)
James Risch (ASSHOLE-ID)
Pat Roberts (ASSHOLE-KS)
Timothy Scott (ASSHOLE-SC)
Jeff Sessions (FUKHEAD-AL)
Richard Shelby (ASSHOLE-AL)
John Thune (ASSHOLE-SD)
David Vitter (ASSHOLE-LA)
Roger Wicker (ASSHOLE-MS)

These despicable assholes and idiots need to be removed from our nation’s government.
Remember this vote on their next election day
Here are their Twitter handles, tell them how you feel about allowing guns to be sold to their fellow assholes and idiots, online and at gun shows:

Harry Reid (D-NV) *


Senators Who Voted for the Proposal

Tammy Baldwin (D-WI)
Michael Bennet (D-CO)
Richard Blumenthal (D-CT)
Barbara Boxer (D-CA)
Sherrod Brown (D-OH)
Maria Cantwell (D-WA)
Ben Cardin (D-MD)
Thomas Carper (D-DE)
Bob Casey (D-PA)
Susan Collins (R-ME)
Christopher Coons (D-DE)
William “Mo” Cowan (D-MA)
Mark Kirk (R-IL)
Joe Donnelly (D-IN)
Richard Durbin (D-IL)
Dianne Feinstein (D-CA)
Al Franken (D-MN)
Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)
Kay Hagan (D-NC)
Tom Harkin (D-IA)
Martin Heinrich (D-NM)
Mazie Hirono (D-HI)
Tim Johnson (D-SD)
Timothy Kaine (D-VA)
Angus King (I-ME)
Amy Klobuchar (D-MN)
Mary Landrieu (D-LA)
Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ)
Patrick Leahy (D-VT)
Carl Levin (D-MI)
Joe Manchin (D-WV)
John McCain (R-AZ)
Claire McCaskill (D-MO),
Robert Menendez (D-NJ)
Jeff Merkley (D-OR)
Barbara Mikulski (D-MD)
Christopher Murphy (D-CT)
Patty Murray (D-WA)
Bill Nelson (D-FL)
John Reed (D-RI)
Jay Rockefeller (D-WV)
Bernie Sanders (I-VT)
Brian Schatz (D-HI)
Charles Schumer (D-NY)
Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH)
Debbie Stabenow (D-MI)
Jon Tester (D-MT)
Pat Toomey (R-PA)
Mark Udall (D-CO)
Tom Udall (D-NM)
Mark Warner (D-VA)
Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)
Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI)
Ron Wyden (D-OR)


¹  But not for sales between “friends and neighbors.” 

*  More idiocy:  Harry Reid (D-NV)  had to vote “no” as a “procedural move” to preserve an option to reintroduce the bill.

Misanthropic Sociopaths


Big Oil Dipsticks: Misanthropic SociopathsIncorrect order from bored shitless to arrogant fuck Misanthropic Sociopaths: Rex Tillerson, CEO of Exxon Mobil, Chevron CEO John Watson, Shell President Marvin Odum, Conoco-Phillips CEO Jim Mulva, BP America Chairman Lamar McKay.

Dick In Undisclosed Location

Ex-president and prosecutable war criminal, Dick Cheney, is reportedly “resting comfortably” at an undisclosed location after an undisclosed “procedure.”


Ted Special Stupid


THERE’S A SPECIAL KIND OF STUPID out there in “Merca,” and over the last four decades or so, it’s been allowed to proliferate quite unimpeded by other aspects of cultural society, especially by things like intelligence, wisdom, facts, and truth.

The current poster weenie for this affliction is National Rifle Association executive tool, Wayne LaPierre.

LaPi— Mmm. Wait.
Actually, the poster weenie for this affliction is NRA tool, Ted Nugent. But LaPierre is the suit that spouts the crazy at official NRA propaganda sessions. Recently he pointed out to a few Senators that tighter gun control laws aren’t needed— because criminals ignore laws.

“They’re criminals, they’re homicidal maniacs… we all know that homicidal maniacs, criminals, and the insane don’t abide by the law.”

Ah.  So, since criminals don’t always follow laws, no new laws (regulation) would work— because criminals break laws— so laws won’t work— because criminals, by definition, break laws— so we shouldn’t resort to laws as a way of trying to regulate or restrain criminals, homicidal maniacs, or the insane, because, you know, laws break.



Ironically, it’s a perfect example of what Right Wing Nut Jobs call “Special Stupid” — a peculiar and tortured logic maze created and justified by fear— and its shadow— hate.  It’s simplistic and selfish, and a hypocritical way of negating everything Jesus ever said about loving your neighbor, one another, or, because, foreigners.

But like nearly everything in the lizard brain, the blazing irony of Special Stupid defies not just logic, love, fact, truth, and common sense, but even the most basic level of moral humanity— while assuming the very mantel of superior morality at the point of a gun and wrapped in an American Flag.

And it is this ongoing cultural conundrum of the cold dead values of the past, being inexorably and evermore forcefully supplanted by the progressive values of true brotherhood, which will occupy center stage of American politics until the battle is won.  And it will not be won with bullets.








“If there’s even one step we can take to save one child, or one parent, or one town from the grief that has visited Tucson, and Aurora and Oak Creek and Newtown and communities from Columbine to Blacksburg before that, then surely we have an obligation to try. “In the coming weeks, I’ll use whatever power this office holds to …