You Poor Bastard.

I first read The Catcher in the Rye in 1961.  It was nothing I had to do, I think some girl I wanted to go out with told me to read a goddam book once in awhile if I didn’t want to turn into a poor dumb bastard.  So I read one. 
It made me want to write.


Bernie hasn’t moved the Dembase to the left. He’s revealed a base that is tired of accepting “the lesser of two evils” as an electoral argument.

Loathsome Ted’s Record Before the Supreme(s)

I think I’ve finally figured out why Ted Cruz inspires such loathsomeness among all but his most dedicated followers. The answer is: Time Travel! The thesis is this: Someone has invented a two-seater time machine, traveled back into the past, to either the time of the Spanish Inquisition or the Salem witch trials, and brought forward their chief prosecutor…. It’s called “judicial activism,” or in this case, a variant and precursor thereof. If there is any remaining doubt that that judicial activism, the bete noire of conservatives, is anything but their projection aimed at liberal and progressive politicians, then one need only point to its walking, talking embodiment — Ted Cruz.

Centrally Scrutinized: Again. And Again.

Many of you have realized, at last, that imaginary guitar notes, and imaginary vocals, exist only in the imagination of the imaginer… and ultimately, who gives a fuck, anyway…


NatLaughing StockThis month’s national laughingstock just happens to be an adult crybaby.

This sorry-assed excuse for a magazine found its way into my personal space yesterday.  Not only was it not funny, but it pissed me off in a way that I have seldom experienced since I stopped abusing certain vile foamy liquids and other assorted borderline ingestibles.

Many of you are too young in this adventure to remember National LAMPOON magazine, let alone one of their most memorable covers, from January 1973.  (See it here.)  But unlike that cover, this parody did not make me feel sorry for the Boner-as-victim of his own groveling attempts to destroy the American government and …  you know what, just forget it.

Forget all the antics of the Republican “party” for a moment.  Just answer this question:  Why is a sniveling crybaby the Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States?

Is this really the best creature we can squeeze out of our gene pool?

Apparently it is, so then, go ahead, Repuglican’ts;  do your worst, you catatonic douchebags.

America has it coming.


Yes, she thinks you think she’s speaking extemporaneously; not reading off a teleprompter.

Never hesitate to admit failure. Make no attempt to hide failure under deceptive smiles
and beaming optimism. It sounds well always to claim success, but the end results are appalling.
Such a technique leads directly to the creation of a world of
unreality and to the inevitable crash of ultimate disillusionment.

— The Urantia Book

STILLWATER, MN —  Resplendent in her foxy* deep blue silk jacket and cultured pearls, Michele Bachmann announced she will not seek another term in the United States Congress.

The Tea Party darling’s very long list of denials about why she is not leaving may become more credible, if and when the rumor we are accused of starting turns out to be true:  that she will be joining “Prancersize” inventor Joanna Rohrback‘s firm as its Presidential “Prancer” and Commander-in-Chief horsey:

Another unfortunate example of Camel Toe.  But all is not lost; watch with the volume off.

And speaking of prancing show horseys…  another angry beaver attacked a man on a roadside near Shestakovskoye lake, west of Minsk, Belarus, slicing through an artery in his leg which caused him to bleed to death.  It was the most recent in a string of angry beaver attacks in Belarus, where the beaver population has tripled in the past decade to around 80,000.  Belarusian beavers can weigh up to 65 pounds and stand three feet high.
Experts say the increase in attacks is largely due to springtime aggression in young beavers that are trying to make a name for themselves and stake out their own territory after being forced to leave home by their parents.  Some older beavers can also become disoriented in life and attack out of fear;  others become bitter and vengeful when faced with the inevitable crash of their ultimate disillusionment.
* Foxy  I.e., Fauxy, Republican shemale drag

Medical Repatriation: Bedsores In Paradise

Stephen’s helpful suggestions on how to reduce hospital overcrowding

Stephen Colbert warns us that a hospital is no place to get sick, especially if you are indigent or have fallen into a coma.

If, for instance, you’re an undocumented immigrant, you might find yourself discharged from an Intensive We Don’t Care Unit in Las Vegas and given a one way bus ticket to Los Angeles, with 3 days of meds and instructions to dial 911 when you get there. Same goes for the mentally handicapped.

If you’re really lucky and have fallen into a coma, you could be flown on a private jet for free and deposited in another country altogether.

But there is a darker possibility. You could be shipped off to somewhere that no one ever returns from…a Carnival Cruise vacation.

And That’s the Word.