For my money, or the lack thereof, no Zappa character says Zappa to me like “The Central Scrutinizer,” the narrator on Joe’s Garage (November, 1979). It’s Zappa in snarky hyperbolic perfection, introducing himself as the enforcer of laws that haven’t been passed yet, and the messenger of the dangers of that horrible force called MUSIC. . .
Don’t be let nobody stop y’all from goin’ tah Church!
Nature abhors a vacuum, so there’s a new shit rag in town, the National INQUISITOR©.
In a rare moment of demonic candor, characteristically angry and frustrated Christian icon, Satan, lashed out at a Fox news crew on Capital Hill today…
• • • SCATOLOGY WEEK • • • A workman draining blood out of turkeys looks on in disbelief as an unidentified man tumbles down the turkey wafer conveyor belt while Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin babbles about how brutal the “time consumption” was for her on the campaign “trell.” WTF does she think it would be like if she had …
In the movie Pulp Fiction, Samuel L. Jackson takes a bite out of Brett’s tasty Big Kahuna burger, and washes it down with Brett’s tasty beverage. It’s just a little scary pretext for the brutal destruction that is moments away.
Unless, of course, you don’t believe in God. In that case, thank the total chance existence of a great sequencer of an apparently infinite number of sequential moments of reality that, lucky for us, somehow attaches to— and brings forth out of nothing?— the individual consciousness of billions of sentient beings on this planet, and no doubt many trillions more …
