Apologies to Thomas Nast for borrowing his September 23, 1871 cartoon captioned: “A Group of Vultures Waiting for the Storm to ‘Blow Over’—‘Let Us Prey” Yes, that’s Satan’s lapdog, Carl Rove behind her, so to speak. . .

The media shit-storm over the assassination slur probably hasn’t reached full pitch yet, but who really expects it to even momentarily deter the Clint from fighting on to the Convention floor in the Wild Wild West of Denver, where a real and proper shoot-out can determine the outcome of her quest for the presidency.

And unless you have a weak gag reflex and have already stopped following the political race, by now you’ve heard the “Wow, if you were outraged by my comments, tough shit” apology from Clint. But we must thank her for that. Really.

Who could now expect Obama, after that remark, to agree that she has “earned” the offer of the VP slot? Well sure, the Billary; but who else?

This is just the latest— and most egregious— red flag alert for those who still think the Clint is worthy of the nomination. You can add it to the litany of things that have already been “forgiven” her, according to Keith Olbermann:

• Her “mispeaking” about Martin Luther King’s relative importance to the Civil Rights Movement
• Her “misspeaking” about landing under enemy fire in Bosnia
• Her insistence that Michigan’s vote would not count, and then claiming those who would not count it were “undemocratic”
• Her pledge not to campaign in Florida, and thus disenfranchise voters there, and then claiming those who did abide by those rules were as wrong as those who defended slavery or denied women the vote
• the photos of Osama Bin Laden in an anti-Obama ad
• the fawning over the fairness of Fox News while they were still calling her a “murderer”
• the “quoting of the editorial predictions of Boss Carl Rove”
• the 3 A.M. phone call commercial
• Bill’s disparaging comments comparing Obama’s campaign to Jesse Jackson’s
• Geraldine Ferraro’s national radio interview suggesting Obama wouldn’t even be in this race were he a “white man”
• the dozen “changing metrics” and the endless self-contradictions of her insistence that her nomination is mathematically probable rather than a statistical impossibility
• her declaration that some primary states “count,” and some really don’t
• exploiting Jeremiah Wright in front of the editorial board of the lunatic fringe Pittsburgh Tribune Review
• exploiting William Ayers in the “debate” on ABC
• her remark on “hard-working white Americans”
• her often repeated praise of John McCain at Barack Obama’s expense; at your own expense; at the democratic ticket’s expense.

The shadow of a hair’s turning, premeditated for an untrue purpose, the slightest twisting or perversion of that which is principle— these constitute falseness.
—The Urantia Book

Proving the inventiveness of one her key demographics, white Appalachian males, Billary supporter and Darwin Award candidate, Roary M. Plosion, shows his contribution to Billary’s impending victory speech at the Democratic National Convention.

UPDATED BELOW
Slate has put up a new page that tracks Billary’s odds of winning ‘08 the nomination, beginning with a generous estimate of 12%. (Someone from within their own campaign estimated it at only 10% last week.)

One of the current theories as to why Billary is intent on destroying Obama’s rep is that if it doesn’t win them the ‘08 nomination, Obama will be so sullied in the process that St. John McCain will win. This would in turn keep the door open for them in 2012.

There’s at least one big problem with that theory. She’ll be 65, and will by then have absorbed so much botox that she’ll have to wear one of those hazardous waste signs around her neck. And if she were to lose, her head would explode and become the equivalent of a human dirty bomb.

Just can’t see it. (And don’t want to!)

UPDATE: (3/30/08 9:40 PST): What a difference six weeks can make.

In a new Gallup poll, Obama has surged ahead of Billary by 10 points, his biggest lead ever, after being down by 11 points in early Feb.

And yes, the poll was taken well after the Rev. Wright flap.

Seems that the average American Jo/e is tuning out the MSM punditocracy, who continue to make fools of themselves with their asinine analysis and predictions.

Speaking of which, one of the worst tv programs has to be CNN’s weekend show, “This Week in Politics.” Hosted by Tom Foreman, whose exaggerated gestures and vocal inflections are more appropriate to a daytime game show host talking down to an audience with an IQ of 91 (Bush’s reported level), it was full of juvenile boxing metaphors, highlighted by cheesy graphics showing Billary and Obama in boxing gloves duking it out in a ring.

Just what people a paycheck away from bankruptcy and foreclosure want to see.

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UPDATED (5/1908 2100 ): What can it possibly say about Hillary Clinton that she’s now relying on Carl Rove’s math for analysis to insist she’s the “strongest candidate.” Equating “Turdblossom” with— . . . This just in: On the infinitely small off-chance we might actually reach him, we had Richard “Dick” Milhouse Nixon paged at the San Clemente Clam Club, located in the vast WASP sector of deepest Hell; and wow! he picked up!!

After a bit of perfunctory chitchat about the scorching weather and pain thresholds, the Dick regaled us, amid agonizing screams, with his sage but singed analysis of Billary’s chances: “Well. Mrs. Clinton is making the, uh, kind of- principled last stand— that we’ve, uh, come to expect from— AAAAAAAAAAGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAEEEE!!! GAAAAA!!! GAAAA!!! . . . from those stubborn jackasses in the DemocraaAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! AiiiEEEEEEYYAAAAGGGAAAoooAAAAhhhh-Ahhh-Ahh!!!. . .cratic party.”

Well, it went on like that for quite some time, but in essence, the Dick was adamant that Billary is by far the one better prepared to kick some ass, down some shots, lie on the record, ensure a Republican victory, and kill some (expletives deleted) gooks.” Shortly after that comment, some kind of meltdown occurred and we lost the old Dick. But it was very reassuring to know that, in this universe, you can count on reaping just what you sew. And when the Billary finally and forever lays down the race to recapture the white house, you can bet your worthless bottom dollar they’re still gonna get everything they’ve got coming to them. —M. Hart

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HOLLYWOOD, CA (C.U.News) The godfather of Republican dirty campaign tricks, Lee “Willy Horton” Atwater, revealed through one of the world’s most respected psychics today that Billary would be the stronger candidate against John McCain in the 2008 presidential election.

In an exclusive interview granted to this reporter, the medium (who insisted on anonymity, and only after she was satisfied as to my claim of being one of the world’s most diligent vagitarians) said that despite the difficulty in penetrating the third circle of hell, where Mr. Atwater currently resides, her confidence in the accuracy of the transmission was “very high.”

In a related development, Hillary Clinton, out on the campaign trail today in Prestonburg, Kentucky, cited Atwater’s former apprentice Karl Rove as confirming the psychic’s pronouncement:

“There has been a lot of analysis about which of us is stronger to win against Sen. McCain, and I believe I am the stronger candidate,” said Clinton, repeating a line from her stump speech. Then she veered from her usual argument.

“Just today I found some curious support for that position when one of the TV networks released an analysis done by - of all people - Karl Rove, saying that I was the stronger candidate,” said Clinton. “Somebody go a hold of his analysis and there it is.”

Yes, there it is. Rove joins his current employer, Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch, and former Billary basher extraordinaire, billionaire Richard Mellon Scaife, as Hillary BFsF.

Where have I seen this movie before?

Oh yeah. Here:

[UPDATED BELOW]

Comedian Jimmy Kimmel made an astute observation the other day: the only way Barack Obama can lose to Hillary now is to marry Bill.

As the toxic oil slick from the wreck of the USS Clinton continues to spread throughout the once unified Democratic Party, the refusal of Billary to gracefully withdraw from the race is being spun (by them) in heroic terms, like “We’re not quitters”; “Every last voter deserves to be heard from”; “We’re doing Obama a big favor by toughening him up.”

But there is something far more venial at work here. You guessed it— money. Much attention is being focused on the enormous debts being piled up by the Clinton campaign, not the least of which is the $11M owed to the Clintons themselves, or the similar amount owed to Boy Wonder, failed strategist/ pollster, Mark Penn. Not surprising then that the first words out of Hillary’s mouth after the disastrous Tuesday primaries in North Carolina and Indiana was a request for more green. (The latter’s thin margin of victory of 18,000 can be attributed to a combination of Rush Limpbot’s “Operation KKKhaos,” and the 120,000 student voters, a big Obama demographic, who were disenfranchised at the polls.)

But far less attention is being given to the other side of the ‘coin.’ Apparently, occupying the most powerful office in the world is good for the pocketbook. The Clintons left the White House mired in debt (legal bills, especially). But in the subsequent seven years they’ve managed to eke out a mere $109M in personal income, punctuated by lucrative book deals and $400,000 speaking fees. Yet that hardly covers it. [Read more →]