Joe has realized, at last, that imaginary guitar notes, and imaginary vocals, exist only in the imagination of the imaginer… and ultimately, who gives a fuck, anyway…


In the last analysis, a bitchin’ toaster is only as good as what you Poot in it.

Politicizing Zappadan 2011

Two Hundred Motel security guard throws clown-suited Newt Gingrich out of Motel’s parking lot.

Encino Mammalian Protrusion Cotillion Performed

The Encino Mammalian Protrusion Cotillion got their areolas all bumpy-like Wednesday, as they gathered for their annual Zappadan celebration. The Cotillion front row left 2 right: Frank Zappa, Frank Zappa, Frank Zappa, Frank Zappa, Frank Zappa, Frank Zappa;  back row: Frank Zappa, Frank Zappa, Frank Zappa, Frank Zappa, Frank Zappa, and Frank Zappa. (Click it.) ENCINO—  Zappadan dress-up parties are …

We’re Still Just In It For The Munny

ZAPPADAN TWENTY TEN Yeah it’s already the second day of ZAPPADAN, and we’re off to a slow start, but then the main reason we do ZAPPADAN in the first place is to slow down enough to realize we’re having a good time. First thing you should do on ZAPPADAN is reminisce about last year’s awesome ZAPPADAN,  and you can do …

Political Pornography

Buchanan invokes Godwin’s Law on the Newtster In a textbook case of the pot calling the kettle black, having professional bigot Pat Buchanan call Gangrene Gingrich “absurd” and “a political opportunist”  for comparing the proposed Park 51 Muslim community center to the Nazis and the Holocaust is like being called ugly by the alien in Predator. Nonetheless, Buchanan makes a …

The Central Scrrrrewwwwwwwwwwtinizer

Zappa was a living, breathing “Expression” Machinery*  **

For my money, or the lack thereof, no Zappa character says Zappa to me like “The Central Scrutinizer,” the narrator on Joe’s Garage (November, 1979). It’s Zappa in snarky hyperbolic perfection, introducing himself as the enforcer of laws that haven’t been passed yet, and the messenger of the dangers of that horrible force called MUSIC. . .  and it wasn’t long before Zappa found himself in front of the US Senate Commerce, Technology, and Transportation committee, where he layed an axe to Tipper Gore’s supple little cranium with this statement:
The PMRC proposal is an ill-conceived piece of nonsense which fails to deliver any real benefits to children, infringes the civil liberties of people who are not children, and promises to keep the courts busy for years dealing with the interpretational and enforcemental problems inherent in the proposal’s design.


It is my understanding that, in law, First Amendment issues are decided with a preference for the least restrictive alternative. In this context, the PMRC’s demands are the equivalent of treating dandruff by decapitation …


The establishment of a rating system, voluntary or otherwise, opens the door to an endless parade of moral quality control programs based on things certain Christians do not like. What if the next bunch of Washington wives demands a large yellow “J” on all material written or performed by Jews, in order to save helpless children from exposure to concealed Zionist doctrine?
Wow;  those were the days. Tipper was co-founder of a “music organization” called the “Parents Music Resource Center.” Their main efforts were directed at removing the (always dangerous) “element of surprise” when buying a record album.  I shit you not.
Anyway.  This is the final day of Zappadan, and our closing salutation to this year’s festivities.  Remember that it’s also the shortest day, and the longest night of the year; make of that what you will. Me, I’ll be diggin’ the longer days today ushers in.  We hope you’ve enjoyed Zappadan ’09, and that you’ll join us right here next year for another foray into the dark underbelly of all things Zappanese. You’ll love it…it’s a way of life.

This – is – The – Cenntralll – Scrrrruuuuuuttiinnizzerr

It is my responsibility to enforce all the laws that haven’t been passed yet.
It is also my responsibility to alert each and every one of you
MORE. . .“The Central Scrrrrewwwwwwwwwwtinizer”