•  •  •  SCATOLOGY WEEK  •  •  •

“You don’t really think I’m gonna take that off your hands, do you?” said President-elect Barack Obama, when George Bush hoisted the seventeen pounds worth of GOP fecal chunkatude representing his two disastrous terms as president. (Click it.)

WASHINGTON — Monarchs, presidents, and athletes are among the recipients of a symbolic key to a city on special visits.  But the First Annual Ceremony of Change, held today in the Rose Garden, bestows to the president-elect— not a key to Washington D.C. and the White House— but a huge steaming heap of political poop— in this case, pachyderm poop— symbolic of the shitty mess out-going President George W. Bush has left the country to clean up, after eight years of arguably the worst administration in the nation’s history.

Symbolizing such a catastrophe with an enormous chunk of fresh elephant dung set the stage for the first official “passing of the turd” before an invitation only crowd of official Washington.  The steaming symbol of GOP waste and ineptitude was the gift of sixty-year old Asian elephant, Ambika, the National Zoo’s oldest resident elephant.

The festivities began with the hand-carted arrival of the specimen, produced during Ambika’s morning constitutional. The selected portion weighed in at just over seventeen pounds. After some awkward practice attempts, Bush gingerly scooped up the watermelon-sized chunk of poo, and extended the dripping monster to Obama, who joked, “You don’t really think I’m gonna take that off your hands, do you?”  Bush, ever the glib-tongued orator, said  “Well I ain’t takin’ it with me!” oblivious to his situation, as usual. His second effort to pass the turd was graciously but firmly refused by President-elect Obama, who then turned to address the crowd, leaving Bush standing there holding the shit.

As Obama looked out, hundreds of images of South Park’s Mr Hankey on a stick waved slowly back and forth in the late morning sunlight, he mimicked the wave back, and said, “I think you all know that we have got to begin with a fresh— um— start on our problems, and frankly, we just don’t need any more. . . (the word “shit” reflexively echoed through the mind of everyone present during the intentional pause) . . .anymore “product” from you, George.”  A split second of silence was followed by a wild sustained roar of  cheers and applause, as Bush unceremoniously plopped the molten poop back into the cart, splattering everyone nearby, but  most of all himself.

Obama assured the crowd that the last eight years would, in the months ahead, severely test our will as a people and as a nation, but that he was absolutely certain that— in the end— we would produce the magnitude of change we need to clean up America and to change the world for the better.

A spontaneous chant of “Howdy-Ho! Howdy-Ho! broke out, and Scatology Week’s first symbolic passing of the turd ceremony ended as it had began; with a whole lot of shit, still left to shovel.

“Howdy Ho!”

Arianna Huffington writes in her blog today:

On or about December 1910,” Virginia Woolf wrote, “human character changed.” We can be much more specific: “On November 4, 2008, just after 11 pm Eastern, America changed” (human character remains rather intransigent).

The change was driven by two things: our country’s remarkable capacity for regeneration, and Barack Obama’s remarkable ability to tap into the better angels of our nature.

You know something extraordinary is happening when even Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, and Joe Lieberman trip over themselves — and their hastily discarded invective — to say nice things about Obama and the “tremendous signal” sent by his election.

The “better angels of our nature” phrase comes from the inauguration speech of another skinny, inexperienced Illinois legislator who defied the odds and became president, one Abraham Lincoln.

May appeal to those better angels bear fruit in the years to come…

“We leave you now to your own devices.  Choose your leaders wisely.  For if you continue to disregard the dangers of this age by choosing base and ignorant rulers, you may soon find yourselves on the receiving end of interstellar justice, and I can assure you— I’m talkin’ total annihilation, homies.”

It was fifty-seven years ago this past month that “The Day the Earth Stood Still” rocked America.  We have mused here about Obama selecting Gort for his vice-president, which reflects a longing for the kind of robot-like prime directive and platinum-coated will that would simplify global relations with friend and foe alike;  in other words:  step out of line and Gort will kick your asses into another dimension.

In an Obama administration, Gort’s actions would speak
many times louder than his words ever could.

The movie chronicles fifty-ish America’s harsh treatment of a representative of our alien galactic overlords, (not the first time that’s happened…) come to warn us that if we continue phucking around with nuclear weapons, they will be turning our planet into low quality interstellar dust. Sort of a prophylactic pest removal plan to keep us from harming any of the peace-loving worlds full of D. F. Hippies that have long since given up killing each other over multifarious acts of stupidity.

This clip from the original film still makes me glad Klaatu didn’t land on the Bush White House lawn.

Keanu as Klaatu?? This doesn’t bode well for planet earth.

It wasn’t hard for many ’50s dullards to grok the reasoning behind Klaatu’s ruthless act of service, and the film reverberated through a country already feverish about alien invasions, thanks to the Roswell incident.  But it was still just science fiction. No one could presume to be the boss of us, especially those dirty red devils from the U.S.S.R.

Our global bed-wetting neuroses aside for the moment, we still haven’t learned that nationalism is not a desirable philosophy, but a potentially fatal disease. We cannot prevent other nations from going to war as long as they— like the US— remain infected with the delusional virus of national sovereignty. Besides, America can no longer afford to act like an international police force; we’re flat-assed broke.  Here’s the reality check.

The Urantia Book:

As the number of truly sovereign nations (great powers) decreases, so do both opportunity and need for mankind government increase. When there are only a few really sovereign (great) powers, either they must embark on the life and death struggle for national (imperial) supremacy, or else, by voluntary surrender of certain prerogatives of sovereignty, they must create the essential nucleus of supernational power which will serve as the beginning of the real sovereignty of all mankind.

This “sovereignty of all mankind” they speak of is the ultimate goal of planetary governments, but our current geopolitical menagerie is apparently not capable of the requisite foresight and vision needed for such wise cooperation.  Until then, and beyond, it is the “Most Highs” who will be calling the shots in the “kingdoms of men.”

The who? you say?

The Most Highs.

The “Most Highs” rule;  and they rule in a way that is designed to “foster the greatest good to the greatest number of all men and for the greatest length of time.”

Grok. this.

The spiritual sovereignty of God overrides all intervening and intermediate spiritual loyalties. Someday civil rulers will learn that the Most Highs rule in the kingdoms of men.  This rule of the Most Highs in the kingdoms of men is not for the especial benefit of any especially favored group of mortals. There is no such thing as a “chosen people.” The rule of the Most Highs, the overcontrollers of political evolution, is a rule designed to foster the greatest good to the greatest number of all men and for the greatest length of time.

Overcontrollers of political evolution.  Hmm.
Witness the meteoric rise of a brilliant bi-racial black man to the most powerful political office on the planet. Hmm.

A Most High observer is empowered, at his discretion, to seize the planetary government in times of grave planetary crises, and it is of record that this has happened thirty-three times in the history of Urantia. At such times the Most High observer functions as the Most High regent, exercising unquestioned authority over all ministers and administrators resident on the planet…

So how does he actually roll?

The angels of nation life, the “angels of the trumpets,” are the directors of the political performances of Urantia national life.  It is particularly through the ministry of this seraphic division that “the Most Highs rule in the kingdoms of men.”

So much to learn, so little time to learn it.
Maybe The Obama Years are a good time to start.

Apparently the red uniforms beat the blue uniforms to win the World Series.  Anyway, there’s the zone Obama was trying for; the middle.

Just watched the Obama 30 minute ad, and to be honest, I have to say I had a hard time identifying with it.  I guess it was just too blatantly pitched to the middle class;  whoever they are.  I should say up front that I’m one of those Americans who will suffer a tax increase under an Obama administration because, in fact, I’m way inside the top one percent of all wealthy Americans these days.

How wealthy am I?  I’m not really sure, what with the roller coaster economy these days, but as an admirer recently marveled, I have a $60 million dollar custom built jet, and a $24 million dollar doggy jet that follows it with our two dachshunds, Willie Wanker Warhol and Dandy Dick The Dachshund.

Liberals attacked McCain for not knowing exactly how many residences he owns, but truth is, the guy is a pauper, really.  Oh, Cindy has some beer bucks I’m told, and seven homes might impress a few single home owners;  but I own twenty-seven homes that range in price from Obama’s 1.6 million dollar dump to my private island estate at $300 mil.  But enough about my munnies.

It was clear from the Obama ad—  I don’t care for the McCain “infomercial” slur— that he’s in the tank for the middle class.  It’s just too bad that a big gaggle of them are outright racist, another flock are confused Republicans who think they’ll get rich some day, and then there’s the Democrats. Why anyone would try to unify this rabble is beyond me. And no, I won’t try and scare you with that socialism shtick, God forbid the middle class figures that out. The less said about “spreading the wealth around” the better.  Just give me a president who will make my tax cuts permanent and keep the war machine crackin’ open new markets.

So yeah.  Middle class? Save your ass; vote for Palin-McCain so the wealth will continue to trickle down to you, and we can have victory wherever we choose no matter how long it takes, or how many of your kids get to make the ultimate sacrifice to keep our nation free.  And don’t worry about me.  I’ll be fine.

(LOFL)

The Grand Oil Party slogging through the political wilderness

Updating my initial compilation of the Obamacans (Republicans for Obama ) is becoming quite the task. Add endorsements from the likes of W’s former Secretary of State Colin Powell and press spokesman Scotty McClellan; former Reagan’s UN Secretary Kenneth Adleman; former McCain adviser Charles Fried; former Minnesota Republican Governor William Weld; former South Dakota Senator Larry Pressler– well, you get the idea.

More interesting is what a post-election loss will mean to the Republican party as a whole as the unholy alliance between its corporatist and fundamental evangelical wings rips itself asunder. At stake is control of the party. Will it be Palin v. Romney? Huckabee v. Ridge? (In order to make it a fair a balanced civil war, Fux News will have to give Palin her own yack show alongside Huck’s.)

Today’s LA Times leads with a story titled “Social conservatives fight for control of Republican Party” , which points out the fundies have quietly taken over the machinery of the GOP.

In skirmishes around the country in recent months, evangelicals and others who believe Republicans have been too timid in fighting abortion, gay marriage and illegal immigration have won election to the party’s national committee, in preparation for a fight over the direction and leadership of the party

Meaning that even if McCain wins, God forfend, the battle for the soul of the GOP is already joined. Reports of Palin going rogue are the first visible sign. Recall her Freudian slip at a rally last month where she referred to “a Palin and McCain administration.”

Could be the basis for a hit scripted reality show: Survivor meets The Handmaid’s Tale’s , a ripped from the headlines, theocratic melodrama timed to usher in the end of days.

All of which should provide some badly needed (though temporary) comic relief as the Obama Administration struggles with the legacy of ruin left to it by the Bushies. That would include the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression,  a health care system on the brink of collapse, military occupations in two Muslim countries with the promise of more military operations to come (witness recent incursions into Syria and Pakistan, not to mention covert ops inside Iran),  and an overcrowded planet facing severe resource depletion and environmental degradation set against a background of runaway global warming.

Can I get me a witness?

[Image from data5.blog.de]

If you’re at a McCake-eating party on November 4th, and you see this cake, it means you’re on the receiving end of a landslide loss of historic proportions. The upside is, Obama— and all Americans— have been granted the opportunity to dramatically change America’s current disastrous course, avert impending catastrophe, and embark on a new era of breath-taking change that will bring out the best in all Americans, launching our nation— and our world— on an unprecedented voyage of enthralling change and progress.

But.

If McCake manages to “pull this thing out” (yeah yeah;  I do mean steal it) and you see this cake at an Obama headquarters, you’ll be way too sick at heart to eat anything for several weeks.  The upside is, you’ll lose that extra weight you’ve been wanting to lose.
The downside, you’ll also be losing your job, your house, your lifestyle, your social security, your future, your children’s future, and the American dream you thought you had will become your permanent nightmare. And, as all this washes over you, you can watch the McTanic silently slip under the waves, into the freezing black waters of America’s spectacular demise.

Yes, of course you’re right, it’s all just Mcperbole and Mcfatalism talking.  Nothing Dick Bush did to us is irreversible, even if we must endure four, eight, even sixteen more years of Republican terrorists looting our nation and pillaging our planet, before we can even think of rehabbing our rudderless ship of state.

So. Not part of the voting electorate again this year?  Yes, it is a “free” country.  No one can force you to be a real citizen of your own nation.  Hate politics?  Who could blame you— for being disengaged and a drag on our system…  Just sit back and enjoy your little piece of Americake while you still can;  wherever it may find you.  Maybe it wont be the last piece you’ll ever see.

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Popular elections may not always decide things rightly, but they represent the right way even to do a wrong thing.
—The URANTIA Book

•

I think you may have noticed that John McCain has been sayin’ some pretty confusing things, lately.  And it’s fair to point them out, if only because Republicans never miss a chance, in the face of every new McCain gaffe, (the sheer number of which are beginning to rival George Bush’s still accreting world record) to say, “Yeah, but Obama said there wuz ‘57 states’”!! during the primaries.

But this one is cute because, right after Sigmund rears his ugly little head, Cindy shifts her weight into the picture to reveal the stony smile that says she sure as shit remembers it was no slip of the leeezard tongue when he used the “c” word on her; no, no, no;  he really meant it.  But maybe, too, it was because he knew, deep down under those remaining mangy little strands of protein growing out of his skull, that without her beer munny, he’d just be some washed up, broken down, stressed out, insane in the membrane old terrorist wanna-be president, without the “luck” to getter done.

In other news. . .  Sarah Palin’s patriotic shopping spree sent the Dow tumbling another 400 points.  But if she gets to keep the clothes,  she’ll look great at her Alaski Betrayal of Trust trial.

You Kick Ass!!

Join the crowd. . . Pull your browser window as big as it will go and click it.

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As Fux News has become the all Acorn and Ayers propaganda channel, covering them 50% more often than MSNBC and CNN combined (and 30% more than their own mention of inconsequential items like “economy” or “middle class”); and with Rush Limpbot screaming that Obama is leading them in a conspiracy to take over the US government, it’s not surprising that we are seeing terror mongering graphics like the one above from the official website of the Sacramento County Republicans; and this deeply racist one from the Chaffey Community Republican Women from southern California:

Not extremist, right wing fringe groups, mind you, but establishment Republican organizations.

Not to be outdone by California’s rednecks, WaPo reports that the head of the Virginia GOP compared Obama to Osama bin Laden. Joe McCain, John’s brother, referred to the blue leaning communities of Arlington and Alexandria as “communist country.” And “the head of the McCain campaign in Buchanan County in southwest Virginia was forced to resign after a column surfaced in which he made disparaging remarks about Obama, African Americans, and gay people.”

The worst yet comes from right wing whack job, Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann (R-Minnesota) who, channeling Joe McCarthy, demands that the media “should do a penetrating expose” into which Congressman are “anti-American.”

Loyalty oaths, anyone?

The Mouse Circus and the Blogosphere are saying Obama “trounced” McCain.

What would you expect the “liberal left” MSM to say?
That McCain’s angry lizard temperament was just what America needs?

You wont need to use a scalpel to unpack the debate performances of “that one” and the fighter jock, because it’s as plain as the flicking tongue who won what voters.  Let’s take a look.

The “Vote angry” vote.  They have “every reason to be angry,” and John stroked them where they live. McCain took every last one of the “too angry to think straight” vote.

McCain then courted, and won, the Joe-the-Plumber vote. Plumbers around the country with butt crack fatigue will vote for McCain without ever looking at the tax benefits Obama layed out for them.

“The Mobile-Exxon” vote goes to McCain; Obama will take away their huge tax break over our dead bodies.

Irish  business vote went to McCain because he mentioned Ireland’s business tax rate.

Auto industry voters got an ass whipping from Obama for falling behind the curve; vote to McCain.

“Any trade agreement is a good trading agreement” vote to McCain.

Responsible “Pay as you go” freaks— to Obama.

Insurance executive vote:  McCain.

“Send money to people that don’t like us very much” vote is totally McCain’s.

“Sarcastic Admiration of Obama’s eloquence through a McCain filter” vote:  to McCain.

“Drugs killing young Americans” vote: McCain.

“Columbia internal politics be damned, trade agreement a no brainer” vote to McCain.

Peruvian vote: Mostly Obama’s.

“Stand up to other countries” vote goes 100% McCain.

“Ham-handed gestures” vote exclusively McCain’s.

“Throwing money at the problem” vote planning group suicide, but survivors will vote McCain. [Read more →]

As the clip below from last night’s debate shows, McInsane’s barely repressed rage, rapid eye blinking and weird tongue flicking shows a man who is definitely in touch with his lizard brain.

Somebody should point out to him that while his”Fight! Fight! Fight!” attack dog mentality works to keep his wingut base aroused, there’s a larger electorate out there with real economic problems who actaully prefer Obama’s sober, balanced, thoughtful approach to solving them.

Circular firing squads has generally been a behavior attributed to Democrats, but as the McCain campaign implodes, the Rethugs are giving them a run for their money…

Update 1: Chris Buckley Is Down Wit Da Obama Man

Buckley’s Son Leaves National Review

October 14, 2008, 2:16 pm

By Patricia Cohen

Christopher Buckley, the author and son of the late conservative mainstay William F. Buckley, said in a telephone interview that he has resigned from the National Review, the political journal his father founded in 1955.

Mr. Buckley said he had “been effectively fatwahed by the conservative movement” after endorsing Barack Obama in a blog posting on TheDailyBeast.com; since then, he said he has been blanketed with hate mail at the blog and at the National Review, where he has written a column.

As a result, he wrote to Richard Lowry, the editor of the National Review, and its publisher, Jack Fowler, offering to resign, and “this offer was rather briskly accepted,” Mr. Buckley said.

Mr. Buckley said he did not understand the sense of betrayal that some of his conservative colleagues felt, but said that the fury and ugly comments his endorsement generated is “part of the calcification of modern discourse. It’s so angry.” Paraphrasing Ronald Reagan’s quote about the Democrats, Mr. Buckley added, “I haven’t left the Republican Party. It left me.”

Update 2: W’s re-election strategist, Matthew Dowd, compares the Rethugs’ infatuation with Sarah Baracuda as a bad Halloween candy binge.

[Read more →]