Permanent Prisoner Of War, John McCain

“A picture is worth a thousand words.“ — Napoleon Bonaparte

To market, to market, to buy a fat pig,
Homes again, homes again, dancing a jig;
To market, to market, to buy a fat hog;
Homes again, homes again, jiggety-jog;
To market, to market, to buy a plum bun,
Homes again, homes again, market is done.

— Apologies to Mother Goose

In 2006,  John and Cindy sold their 2-acre estate in Phoenix, Arizona for a paltry $3.75 million. It was a hard sell.  The house had been one of Cindy Lou’s childhood homes, which the McCains inherited; it’s where those McCain family recipes were finely honed before they were copied by the Food Network.

“Almost every memory I have of childhood is in this house—very happy memories,” Cindy Loe McCain says. “I want my children to know this house and have these memories.”  Unfortunately for the children, that desire got pushed aside by. . . whatever. But not before Architectural Digest did a wonderful article on the property, which went off the rails by referencing one of the Senator’s rare mentions of his POW™ daze days:

Architectural Digest, July, 2005:

John McCain suffered more than five years of harsh imprisonment in North Vietnam. He was tortured, endlessly interrogated, bound hand and foot, and clapped into solitary confinement; he endured mental and physical punishment. At last, [um, four days after his capture] when it was discovered by his captors [ how does one do that pre-Google? ] that his father was an important officer in the U.S. Navy, he was given permission to leave; yet he refused to go while his fellow prisoners remained behind bars. Because of this stern refusal, his punishment became more severe. Yet the book’s theme is forgiveness and faith.

“Cindy has a picture fetish,” the senator says, gesturing to a bank of framed photographs— family pictures, photos of pets, of landscapes, [and— can you imagine?] of the senator himself on the day of his release from his Hanoi prison. [Wonder who took that?]

Asked whether he will run for president again, the senator chooses his words carefully. “If I talk seriously about it, my activities in the Senate will be viewed through the prism of presidential candidate rather than a senator who’s trying to do good work.”

While one may reasonably ask “What activities in the Senate??” Despite his reluctance to talk about his time as a POW™, the crusty Senator reluctantly volunteered this:

“My best friends are those I was in the Navy with and especially those I was in (expletive deleted) prison with,” the senator says. Describing one of them, he says, “He is one of those (expletive deleted) people for whom everything is either black or white. It’s wonderful to go through life like that. I wish I could.” Reminded of his independent and subtler views, he remarks, “That’s one of the reasons [my candidacy] is so attractive,” and with his signature deadpan, “and one of the reasons it’s so (expletive deleted) difficult.”

One of the Senator’s “independent and subtler views” is that his current “black or white” political opponent, Barack Obama, is “dangerously unprepared” to be president, having just a single unattractive home in of all places, Chicago. McCain subtly pointed out he has numerous homes, too many to even remember, which have prepared him to go to war in order to take care of the many millions of homes dotting the American landscape. McCain added, in his signature bedpan deadpan, “Besides, my (expletive deleted) opponent isn’t even rich.”

Johnnie “There will be more Wars Drill NOW!” McPOW holds his noses as he learns of his Veep selection; some observers insist he was actually verping— in response to Corporate America’s choice of younger, taller real president vice-president, Dick Mittens “Who let the dogs out?” Romney.

Oh and— Happy birthday, “Old Spice.” Seventy-two, is it?

Nice.

“I’m upset,” Kathleen Portalski says. “I’m angry. It makes me feel like a nonperson, kind of.”

Texas GOP Targets Obama’s Kenyan Half-Brother

Ready for some Republican values? The short bus Texas GOP is responsible for the latest demonstration of the ravages of Conservatism, a disease largely found in Republican Americans. The ad, narrated by what sounds like a Texas high school cheerleader, goes like this:

“Barack Obama has viscously attacked John McCain and his family fur [sic] being successful and living the American dream. . .”

Let’s see; “viscously” is more than hyperbole; it’s a complete distortion, supposedly justified because an Obama ad dared to criticize a POW— who is so wealthy and out of touch he has no idea how many homes he actually lives in. But McStoopid wasn’t “attacked” for “being successful and living the American dream,” he was exposed for conspicuous consumption and wretched excess; do Republicans even know there’s a difference?

Buffy continues:

“But ask yourself this: If Obama cares so much about yur [sic] family, why doesn’t he take care of his own family first?”

Hypocrisy has become corporeal with Republicans; it roils out of them like rancid grease oozes out of a rotting boar. The recent disclosures of “only child” Cindy McCain’s half-sisters, written out of the family will (that’s a Republican value— screw your own children) is a sorry insight into the machinations of wealth as a weapon; not wealth as compassionate caring.

Why would a wealthy father not share his munnies with his own child? Why would Cindy (and John) McCain not “take care of [her] own family first?” Let the record show that Portalski is a Democrat.

The McCain campaign and Cindy McCain have been asked to comment or respond. Neither responded.

• • •

• • •

McCain with Lieberman and Graham, in sympathy makeup. (click)

WASHINGTON — GOP nominee John Sidney McCain appeared on the steps of the Congressional Office Building today in clown-face makeup, and sporting a new tattoo on his forehead, which reads, “POW.” The Republican candidate for president said it reminds people that he has “returned with honor” from his imprisonment some forty years ago, and that he is still reluctant to talk about it.

Asked by reporters at the scene if that sentiment might be somehow blurred by the large buttons on his suit coat which read, “ASK ME ABOUT MY POW,” the senator became visibly annoyed and said only, “Please. . . please.”

Flanked by chief toadies Joe Lieberman and Lindsay Graham, who also wore clown-face to commemorate and honor McCain’s bold new tattoo/makeup scheme, McCain stated that his “credentials as a Vietnam era prisoner of war, in conjunction with his bold gesture towards the hapless poor, [bums?] would go along way towards negating his image with some Americans as a wealthy, angry, senile old curmudgeon. “I’m not the first POW underdog to realize that looking the part is half the battle. Drill now! Drill now, my friends!” No one had any fucking idea what he meant by that.

The attending toads took turns tonguing the microphone after McCain spoke, telling no one in particular that their “voluntary” appearance in clown face demonstrated the suckass solid solidarity of the corporate Overlords with their lackey underlings, and praised Senator McCain as a president “. . .of the people, buy by the people, and like the people.”

Photo of McSame’s Botched Nip/Tuck & Hormone Treatment Said to Resemble Trash Media’s Bat Boy

ABOARD THE DOUBLE TALK EXPRESS  (C.U. News) — In an effort to close the perceived and actual age gap between himself and his much younger rival for the presidency, presumptive Republican candidate John McSame has apparently taken the advice of his surgically and chemically-enhanced wife to do some enhancement of his own appearance.

But in this photo, allegedly leaked by a horrified member of McCain’s inner circle and sold at a handsome profit to Weakly Whurled NEWS, the operation and hormone treatments have gone terribly wrong. Luckily for his campaign, a full head and face mold was taken before the alterations, and a latex mask fabricated that preserved his prior appearance.

“It’s a temporary fix,” explained a campaign aide, who insisted on anonymity. “We’re worried that as the heat of summer increases, the mask will start to sag and deteriorate. We’re also worried about how it will hold up indoors under the klieg lights during the debates.”

McSame, who’s on record saying that he’s a twentieth century kind of guy, is wrestling with whether to ascribe his 64+ changes in position to shameless pandering, poor flip flopping impulse control, the after effects of five years of torture as a POW in Vietnam— anything but symptoms of advancing senility.

“If we can just push John Sidney over the finish line in November, we’ll be in the clear. After that, we’ll have all the power of the White House at our disposal. Look how well Reagan’s people disguised his Alzheimer’s during his second term,” said the aide hopefully.

Asked whether voters deserved to know the truth about McSame’s current condition, he replied:

“Look, the American people have experienced enough traumas during eight years of the Dick-Bush Administration. Iraq, Afghanistan, 9/11, the tanking economy, the extreme weather effects of global warming— they can only take so much.

“There’s just some change not worth believing in.”

A pilot named Karl (not his real name) is circulating a devastating email on teh internets titled A pilots [sic] perspective on Obama, that should wake up LIBERALS and Rebublicans too, or any other label you care to use to describe people swept up in their own personal feelings of hope and unity. The letter should scare the living shit out of them. Oh, not for supporting Barack HUSSIEIN OBAMASAMA BIN LODIN. But because there are Americans who believe this kind of Rovian garbage, and they know where the poles are. Here it is, with a special commentary by Karla, (not her real name), Karl’s eviler twin:
PILOT Karl: ,,,,,,,,,,DO I HAVE THIS STRAIGHT?

KARL’S EVIL TWIN, KARLA (not her real name): How should I know?

HIS FATHER WAS A BLACK AFRICAN MUSLIM FROM
KENYA.
Strike one.

WE HAVE SEEN PICTURES OF HIS AFRICAN FAMILY.
Strike two. . .

HIS MOTHER WAS A WHITE AMERICAN ATHEIST FROM
KANSAS.
Strike three! My God! An ATHEIST!! And white! And from KANSAS! And a MOTHER! (They go to hell too, don’t they? I mean there’s no exemption for them for their not believing in God, is there? God will make bipedal marshmillows out of you stupid atheists, white or not, mothers or not, and roast your sorry asses in hell!

WHERE ARE THE PICTURES OF HIS AMERICAN FAMILY?
Strike four!! Anybody who can afford to be born in Kansas but live in Hawaii, where middle class white people can only afford to visit once in their lifetime, can certainly afford at least one photo album! And a camera! All white people have cameras, don’t meseginistic– mesigenestical– don’t black and white people have cameras?? Do you expect anyone to believe you couldn’t afford it?

HIS FATHER DESERTED HIS MOTHER WHEN HE WAS ONLY TWO YEARS OLD AND WENT BACK TO AFRICA BY WAY OF HARVARD UNIVERSITY. HOW? WAS HIS FATHER WEALTHY?
Strike five!!! A black man with money! And a bad marriage! And a great ivy-league education! How is that not uppity?? Is it just me?!

HIS MOTHER MARRIED AN INDONESIAN MUSLIM AND THEN MOVED TO JAKARTA WHERE HE WAS ENROLLED IN A MUSLIM SCHOOL.

Dirty INDONESIANS! Dirty JAKARTANS! Dirty MUSLIMS! Dirty MUSLIM school! [Read more →]

What’s shakin’? Let’s take a trip around the Horn.

What kind of asshole has to be tortured before he learns to love his own c*nt-ry?? The John McCain type of asshole. In a Fox Noise interview with John McCain on March 13, 2008, McCain said, “I didn’t really love America until I was deprived of her company.” Unlike “John McNasty,” I didn’t have to become a POW before I learned to really love America. It happened when I was eight years old while eating my first ballpark hotdog at a St. Louis Cardinals baseball game.

Sound unfair? Does anyone really think McCain meant he never loved America until he was imprisoned by “the enemy”? Of course not. Just like Michelle Obama was proud of her country before her now beaten to death remark about not having been “really proud” of America until . . . And kudos to MSNBC nerdling Dan Abrams for drawing the comparison. He’s struck a blow against blatant hypocrisy.

But there’s so much hypocrisy, and so little time.

Stephen Elliot takes a look at Cindy McCain’s most recent round of hypocrisy impugning Michelle Obama’s patriotism by parroting, “All I know is that I’ve always been proud of my country.” Well, except for the three years or so she was fucked up on prescription drugs she stole from her own charity. Can you imagine the amount of foam around Sean Hannity’s ugly little pie-hole if that had been Michelle Obama?

So much hypocrisy, so little time.

That’s why the damage the original hypocrisy causes must still be combated. Vets who were slandered along with John Kerry by the lying sacks of shit who called themselves “Swift Boat Veterans for Truth” and were funded by, surprise— a Texas oil asshole with a big mouth to match his big wallet— who offered a million dollars to anyone who could prove any of their allegations false. Let’s see if T Bone Pickens will pay up or shut up. Read Sam Stein’s rundown here.

And it isn’t on just one side of the isle.

One hundred and five House Democraps and all the Republicants have finally made it easy to see which of them should have their asses handed to them when their current term is up; just see who voted to give the telecoms immunity today. We’ll see which Democratic senators need to be fired next week when the Senate votes on this travesty. No matter; crimes are crimes, and if our own government is too corrupt to hold these sleezeballs responsible for spying on the American people, justice will have to await a personal accounting in the next world. See how far your lies will take you there, you self-serving traitors.

Alright. I’ve had enough for today. I’ll be working on my tan.