Centrally Scrutinized: Again. And Again.

Many of you have realized, at last, that imaginary guitar notes, and imaginary vocals, exist only in the imagination of the imaginer… and ultimately, who gives a fuck, anyway…

FRANK ZAPPA’S THE YELLOW SHARK

The Yellow Shark

The Yellow Shark  •  Repixeled by Terry Kruger
*Original sculpture by Mark Beam

There really is a Yellow Shark.

A Yellow Shark was caught in 2004 off the coast of Australia, and it was considered a one in a million mutation of the Port Jackson Shark, common in those waters.  And that other one in a million yellow shark, Zappa‘s Yellow Shark— is, well, plastic.*  It makes a swimming cameo appearance in the vid below.  Enjoy.

Hope you had a relaxing and efficacious Zappadan. . .

See you next year…  keep it greasy.

Welcome To The United States

Zappa Immigrant Welcome To The United StatesDo you have a communicable disease?  Physical or mental disorder? Are you a drug abuser or addict?  Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude, or a violation related to a controlled substance, or ever been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more?  Have you ever been a controlled substance trafficker? Are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?  Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage? Or terrorist activities? Or genocide?  Or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?

Rainer Römer: Ladies and gentlemen, here he goes, Peter Rundel, he seems to be disgusted. Whatever. Ridero ridera! Heute fängt die Fastnacht aa’ Ha ha ha! LAUGH NOW! (HA HA HA HA HA!) Be quiet! Von seiner Werkbank zu uns heute Abend hergekommen ist unser Hermann Kretzschmar wolle mer’n reinlasse? Laugh now! (HA HA HA HA HA!)

Welcome to the United States!

This form must be completed by every nonimmigrant visitor not in possession of a visitor’s visa.

Type or print legibly in pen in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. USE ENGLISH.

Item 7—If you are entering the United States by land, enter LAND in this space. (LAND!) If you are entering the United States by ship, enter, unh-unh, SEA in this space.

Do any of the following apply to you? (Answer Yes or No)

(No! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!)

A. Do you have a communicable disease; (COUGH NOW! Coughs . . . ) physical or mental disorder; or are you a drug abuser or addict?

Tell me, Bill, Yes or No. (No) Louder. (No!)

B. Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude or a violation related to a controlled substance; or ever been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more?

Answer Yes or No. (Yes! Yes, sir! Yes! No! No! No!)

Or been a controlled substance trafficker; or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?

Answer Yes or No. (Yes or No) Thank you!

C. Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?

Answer Yes or No. (Yes)

Thank you very much! And welcome to the United States!

 

Original photograph from Chaplin’s 1917 film, The Immigrant:

Charlie The Immigrant

 

 

STILL ABSOLUTELY FREE

 A LOT OF PEOPLE don’t bother about their friends in the VEGETABLE KINGDOM. They think, “Ah, what can I say? What can a person like myself say to a vegetable?” But the answer is simple, my friends . . . just call . . . and tell them how you feel . . . about MUFFINS, PUMPKINS, WAX PAPER, CALEDONIA, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS AND GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL . . . and soon: A NEW RAPPORT.  You and your new little green & yellow buddies . . .  grooving together!  OH NO!  Maintaining your coolness together!  Worshiping together in the church of your choice!  ONLY IN AMERICA. Woh-oh-oh-ah-agh-h . . .

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=258IAiOtnuw[/youtube]

EVERYTHING IS HEALING NICELY

EVERYTHING IS HEALING NICELY: Bullshit, Das Ist Nicht Echt — "Bullshit, This Is Not Real"Bullshit, Das Ist Nicht Echt*  •  Original mashup¹ for Zappadan 2012 by Terry Kruger
(If you want to read his robe you must click it.)

For many of the Zapanese intelligentsia, 200 Motels was a prototype of a dimension of Frank Zappa that was relatively unknown. But there were inklings of the future there for the listening, Would You Like A Snack?,  Half A Dozen Provocative Squats,  The Girl Wants To Fix Him Some Broth. . .  If all you listen to is Joe’s Garage and Burnt Weenie Sandwich, it’s time to push the envelope.

Roland’s Big Event/Strat Vindaloo

By Frank Zappa

From the posthumously released album “Everything Is Healing Nicely” (1999).

EVERYTHING IS HEALING NICELY Oil painting of Frank Zappa’s mouth by C. Breman, used as a portion of the cover art for the 1999 album

 

Christ Consolator by Carl Bloch, 1886

¹Original oil painting by Carl Bloch, exhibited at Charlottenborg, Sweden, in 1886

•  •  •

 * Bullshit, das ist nicht echt. . . ” Bullshit, this is not real. . .

ZAPPADAN 2012

Frank Zappa with Floating Mud Shark Wreath; Flotation Device Not IncludedZappadan 2012’s official Yellow Shark Floating Wreath;  shark wreath not included.

Hi boys and girls, today is the beginning of Zappadan 2012, an informal esoteric festival celebrating the importance of small electrical appliances, icing anointment utensils, cream cheese, roto plukers, and the discography of Frank Zappa in our short but intense lives here on this tiny little world currently hustling through the weasel dust of time and space.

Many of you have realized, at last, that imaginary guitar notes, and imaginary vocals, exist only in the imagination of the imaginer… and ultimately, who gives a fuck, anyway…

Excuse me.  We do.  So.  We go back to our ugly little rooms, and quietly dream about the last, guitar solo, and know it’s time to cue up some Watermelon In Easter Hay.

As you can see, music can get you pretty fucked up;  take a tip from Joe;  do like he did;  hug your imaginary guitar, and get a good job;  Joe did, and he’s a “happy guy,” now. . . on the day shift, at the utility muffin research kitchen; where he arrogantly twists the canvas snoot of a fully-charged icing anointment utensil, and every time a. . .  well.  You know the rest.

So sit back with a tall WP&LJ, and get the holiday off right by searching “Zappadan” in our archives;  you’ll be glad you did.

Let the anointing begin.  :—{>


Watermelon and soft porn? Well the music is impeccable.

Zappadan Closes

When you’re really jonesin’ for Things That Look Like Meat, there’s only one place you can satisfy that craving.