Carly Fiorina’s War Against Planned Parenthood Blows Up In Her Face

Carly Fiorina encouraging kids to take their country back from Planned Parenthood

MAN UP, YOU PUSSIES!

“There is nothing more threatening to the liberal media, in general and to Hillary Clinton, in particular, than a conservative woman.”

VANITY FAIL

Vanity Fail “Chunklin”??  At’s right, bitches.
He’s just indulging his “feminine side.” 

BACK IN THE EARLY SEVENTIES, when a young Michael Dale Huckabee self-identified as a Hope High School “Bobcat,” he didn’t have any friends.

It wasn’t because he didn’t really feeeel like a “Bobcat,” because he totally did— when he was sixteen, he was the Hope High School student council vice president “Bobcat.”  And the year after that, he was the Hope High School student council President “Bobcat.”

What I mean is, he didn’t have any friends who were sophisticated enough to tell him that, if only he could have felt like a female “Bobcat,” then he could’ve maybe marched right into the girl Bobcat shower room, where he could’ve enjoyed his “feminine side”— by, you know, watching all the real girls undress, and ogling them while they were showering;  you know— just as a way of indulging his “feminine side.”

Take it away, Chunklin:

“Now I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE.  I’m pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, ‘Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today.’  You’re laughing because it sounds so ridiculous, doesn’t it?”

Yeah.  It does.  Just not in the way you think it does, Tubby.

A CNN reporter recently asked Huckabee for his reaction to Caitlyn Jenner’s Vanity Fair cover in which the former Olympic champion and self-described Republican, came out as a female.

“Not going there,” Huckabee said.  The sad truth is, he fucking already did.

Rope-A-Trope Ding-Aling

Did you see it?  That overused, offensive, stereotypical “trope” in the opening credits— “Bitch Media.”

Here’s another one that comes crawling out of the media cave:

Jane, Anita, you ignorant slut.”

Okay yeah, the “we’re being treated as just a bunch of tropes” riff is her thing, but it’s made possible by discarding all the other films that don’t treat women that way, isn’t it.

Why yes, I think it is.

Derpy Pancake Bunny Argument Is Invalid

Derpy Alito Pancake Bunny Derp Sammy is a Pancake Bunny.  Your argument is invalid.

WASHINGTON D.C. —  In an increasingly common display of douchey derpiness, Pancake Bunny and Supreme Court Justice Sammy Alito rolled his eyes and wagged his head as Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg read her dissents from the majority in two employee discrimination cases this week, in which the Court ruled— surprise— in favor of employers.* 

Longtime Supreme Court observer and Pancake Bunny-derp expert, Garrett Eppstien-Barr, called it a simple “dickweed-tantrum” and a “childish display of derpy rudeness.”

Go onnnnnnnn, Garrett:

“Alito pursed his lips, rolled his eyes to the ceiling, and shook his head ‘no.'”  He looked for all the world like Sean Penn as Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, signaling to the homies his contempt for Ray Walston as the bothersome history teacher, Mr. Hand.”

He added that Alito’s acting out “brought gasps from more than one person in the audience.”

A couple weeks ago Alito is also said to have rolled his eyes and shook his head while Justice Sonia Sotomayor was speaking, and glowered at Justice Elena Kagan.  “Yeah bitches, I got this,” he muttered under his breath.

And remember a few years ago Alito got his briefs in a twist when President Barack Obama criticized the Court’s Citizens United ruling during the State of the Union address— while in Mr. Alito’s presence.

Are you getting this yet?  Sammy Alito is simply a rude mother fucker.

 

pancake bunny
The original pancake bunny could not be reached for comment¹, but we’re pretty damned sure he would recuse himself on whether or not Alito is as big a derped-up pancake bunny as he appears.

 

 

* (Vance v. Ball State and University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center v. Nassar)

¹ (He’s dead)

LIP SERVICE


Yes, she thinks you think she’s speaking extemporaneously; not reading off a teleprompter.

Never hesitate to admit failure. Make no attempt to hide failure under deceptive smiles
and beaming optimism. It sounds well always to claim success, but the end results are appalling.
Such a technique leads directly to the creation of a world of
unreality and to the inevitable crash of ultimate disillusionment.

— The Urantia Book

STILLWATER, MN —  Resplendent in her foxy* deep blue silk jacket and cultured pearls, Michele Bachmann announced she will not seek another term in the United States Congress.

The Tea Party darling’s very long list of denials about why she is not leaving may become more credible, if and when the rumor we are accused of starting turns out to be true:  that she will be joining “Prancersize” inventor Joanna Rohrback‘s firm as its Presidential “Prancer” and Commander-in-Chief horsey:


Another unfortunate example of Camel Toe.  But all is not lost; watch with the volume off.

And speaking of prancing show horseys…  another angry beaver attacked a man on a roadside near Shestakovskoye lake, west of Minsk, Belarus, slicing through an artery in his leg which caused him to bleed to death.  It was the most recent in a string of angry beaver attacks in Belarus, where the beaver population has tripled in the past decade to around 80,000.  Belarusian beavers can weigh up to 65 pounds and stand three feet high.
Experts say the increase in attacks is largely due to springtime aggression in young beavers that are trying to make a name for themselves and stake out their own territory after being forced to leave home by their parents.  Some older beavers can also become disoriented in life and attack out of fear;  others become bitter and vengeful when faced with the inevitable crash of their ultimate disillusionment.
* Foxy  I.e., Fauxy, Republican shemale drag