Tag: Barack Hussein Obama

Loathsome Ted’s Record Before the Supreme(s)

I think I’ve finally figured out why Ted Cruz inspires such loathsomeness among all but his most dedicated followers. The answer is: Time Travel! The thesis is this: Someone has invented a two-seater time machine, traveled back into the past, to either the time of the Spanish Inquisition or the Salem witch trials, and brought forward their chief prosecutor…. It’s called “judicial activism,” or in this case, a variant and precursor thereof. If there is any remaining doubt that that judicial activism, the bete noire of conservatives, is anything but their projection aimed at liberal and progressive politicians, then one need only point to its walking, talking embodiment — Ted Cruz.

Chump Change

Sheldon Potter meets with President Barack Bailey at an undisclosed location. Lemme make myself perfectly clear. I own this election.  Do you know what that means? It means I own you, yer stinking government charade, and this stinking country fulla stinking surfs. Do you have any idea what it means to have 24 billion dollars? It means I answer to …

Please Don’t Ask and Don’t Tell

What’s that smell? Can’t you smell that smell? —Lynyrd Skynyrd STEVE DOUCHEY: All right. Thank you very much for teeing up that clip.  Joining us, very much alive this morning, is Senator John Sidney McCain, affectionately known around here as Captain Underpants. Good morning to you, Captain, sir. SEN. UNDERPANTS: What?  We’re already on?  I’ve gotta change my— um— okay. …

Terrified Beyond The Capacity For Rational Thought (Updated)

Newt Gingrich as the avenging Sumerian god, Gozer the Traveler In their devastating November 4th defeat at the hands of an inexperienced, junior senator from Illinois, the Rethuglicans are in desperate search of a leader, someone that can match the intelligence, boldness, charm, and overwhelming popularity of Barack Hussein Obama. While their own humiliated presidential candidate, the anachronistic John McCain …

I Solemnly Swear. . .

WASHINGTON — Everything was going swimmingly.  Joe the Biden had been sworn in, and then the lovely Dianne Feinstein introduced Chief Justice of the United Staes, John D. Roberts.  Now, you’d think a guy like Roberts, who’s had a couple a whacky seizures would realize the serviceability of a back-up plan— at all times.  Especially when you were going to …

A pilots [sic] perspective on Obama

A pilot named Karl (not his real name) is circulating a devastating email on teh internets titled A pilots [sic] perspective on Obama, that should wake up LIBERALS and Rebublicans too, or any other label you care to use to describe people swept up in their own personal feelings of hope and unity. The letter should scare the living shit …

McCain’s Note In The Wall

McCain produced the note from his left suit coat pocket, and with a series of awkward looking jabs, he finally forced the note into a tiny crevice of the ancient wall.