Stupidity Archives - Page 8 of 53

NATIONAL LAUGHINGSTOCK

This month’s national laughingstock just happens to be an adult crybaby.

This sorry-assed excuse for a magazine found its way into my personal space yesterday. Not only was it not funny, but it pissed me off in a way that I have seldom experienced since I stopped abusing certain vile foamy liquids and other assorted borderline ingestibles.

Many of you are too young in this adventure to remember National LAMPOON magazine, let alone one of their most memorable covers, from January 1973. (See it here.) But unlike that cover, this parody did not make me feel sorry for the Boner-as-victim of his own groveling attempts to destroy the American government and … you know what, just forget it.

Forget all the antics of the Republican “party” for a moment. Just answer this question: Why is a sniveling crybaby the Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States?

Is this really the best creature we can squeeze out of our gene pool?

Apparently it is, so then, go ahead, Repuglican’ts; do your worst, you catatonic douchebags.

America has it coming.

LIP SERVICE

Yes, she thinks you think she’s speaking extemporaneously; not reading off a teleprompter.

Never hesitate to admit failure. Make no attempt to hide failure under deceptive smiles
and beaming optimism. It sounds well always to claim success, but the end results are appalling.
Such a technique leads directly to the creation of a world of
unreality and to the inevitable crash of ultimate disillusionment.
— The Urantia Book

STILLWATER, MN — Resplendent in her foxy* deep blue silk jacket and cultured pearls, Michele Bachmann announced she will not seek another term in the United States Congress.

The Tea Party darling’s very long list of denials about why she is not leaving may become more credible, if and when the rumor we are accused of starting turns out to be true: that she will be joining “Prancersize” inventor Joanna Rohrback‘s firm as its Presidential “Prancer” and Commander-in-Chief horsey:

Another unfortunate example of Camel Toe. But all is not lost; watch with the volume off.

And speaking of prancing show horseys… another angry beaver attacked a man on a roadside near Shestakovskoye lake, west of Minsk, Belarus, slicing through an artery in his leg which caused him to bleed to death. It was the most recent in a string of angry beaver attacks in Belarus, where the beaver population has tripled in the past decade to around 80,000. Belarusian beavers can weigh up to 65 pounds and stand three feet high.

Experts say the increase in attacks is largely due to springtime aggression in young beavers that are trying to make a name for themselves and stake out their own territory after being forced to leave home by their parents. Some older beavers can also become disoriented in life and attack out of fear; others become bitter and vengeful when faced with the inevitable crash of their ultimate disillusionment.

* Foxy I.e., Fauxy, Republican shemale drag

THE PUFFINGTON HOST

Click twice to enlarge

No, fellow travellers, this is not the Onion, but maybe those guys are moonlighting the front page of the Puffington Post because they can’t stop themselves. So here’s my challenge to you, you that want to use your brain for more that a feces storage locker: Go to the front page of Puff Ho™ and see how many posts are worth your precious time.
I’ll wait.

So you came back with:

7 Struggles Of People Who Bite Their Nails

Okay I lied, why the fuck would I wait for you to waste your time if my whole poin… you know, forget it.

BOSTO KET

Yes I made the sign read “Bosto ket.” I saw it at the local BM, but by the time I returned with a camera, it had already morphed to “Bos.”

So. Fuck the “news.”

Come on. Why is it “news” when a cue ball like Bob Corker breaks lock step with John Crybaby and tells Fux Noise there is a “…chance for a deal” on a budget deal?

Who gives a shit if Karl Rove gets dissed by Sarah what’s-her-lameness?

Are you going to lose any sleep over the delay of the Cyprus Bank Levy vote?

And how is that weird stabbing pain in your gluteus maximus any different than hearing Newton Leroy Gingrich has been staring at candles and shared his “thinking” about them at CPAC?

And how did you overlook Taylor Swift‘s legs in a pair of denim “short shorts”? [sic]

Surely you’re keeping up with Prince, Paris, and Blanket Jackson, in their pursuit of $40 billion dollars from AEG?

This is Boba Fett. He has nothing to do with Bosto Ket.

Why does a sixteen year old Steubenville child need to find out via text messages from “friends”— some who apparently took photos of her at the scene of the crime— that she’s been gang raped by high school boys? (Want to stop ALL RAPE immediately in this country? The world? Make the punishment for conviction of rape for any biped above the age of fifteen, DEATH— by high velocity lead penetration to the temple. And do it within 30 days of ONE failed appeal after conviction. I guaran-effin-tee you that rape, the homicide rate, and any other capital offense you care to add, will drop like a rock in a swimming pool.

And you know. On and on and effin’ on with the endless, mind-numbing distractions that paralyze an increasingly obese and jaded populace. Jennifer Lopez Flashes Bra During Day Out With Her Twins (PHOTO) Kim Kardashian‘s Bump On Full Display At ‘Temptation’ Premiere In Atlanta (PHOTO) Elisabeth Hasselbeck‘s Days At ‘The View’ Are Reportedly Numbered; Princess Diana‘s Dresses Head To Auction; Healthy Food ‘Not Our Personality,’ Says Fast Food CEO; Dead Pig Count In China’s Waters Near Shanghai Spikes (GRAPHIC PHOTOS) [The same “waters” 23 million people depend on for drinking water.] Elderly Man Eats Roadkill—Yeah, Even The Disgusting Mangled Kind (VIDEO) [And speaking of roadkill]: Roadkill Couture To Unveil Bridal Gowns Featuring Dead Animals (PHOTOS) Ex-Food Exec: Food Industry ‘Puts Profits Over Public Health’; Ex-Bailout Watchdog: JPMorgan’s Actions ‘Entirely Consistent With Fraud’; Mr. Ann Coulter Tells Harsh Christie Joke… and a few million more synaptic responses wasted like that.

America has gone all Bosto Ket.

Sleeping With The Enemy

If North Dakotans insist on treating every zygote like a real person, they had better be prepared to go a whole lot further than just getting into bed with a bunch of randy North Dakotans.

SPECIAL STUPID

THERE’S A SPECIAL KIND OF STUPID out there in “Merca,” and over the last four decades or so, it’s been allowed to proliferate quite unimpeded by other aspects of cultural society, especially by things like intelligence, wisdom, facts, and truth.

The current poster weenie for this affliction is National Rifle Association executive tool, Wayne LaPierre.

LaPi— Mmm. Wait.
Actually, the poster weenie for this affliction is NRA tool, Ted Nugent. But LaPierre is the suit that spouts the crazy at official NRA propaganda sessions. Recently he pointed out to a few Senators that tighter gun control laws aren’t needed— because criminals ignore laws.

“They’re criminals, they’re homicidal maniacs… we all know that homicidal maniacs, criminals, and the insane don’t abide by the law.”

Ah. So, since criminals don’t always follow laws, no new laws (regulation) would work— because criminals break laws— so laws won’t work— because criminals, by definition, break laws— so we shouldn’t resort to laws as a way of trying to regulate or restrain criminals, homicidal maniacs, or the insane, because, you know, laws break.

See?

Ironically, it’s a perfect example of what Right Wing Nut Jobs call “Special Stupid” — a peculiar and tortured logic maze created and justified by fear— and its shadow— hate. It’s simplistic and selfish, and a hypocritical way of negating everything Jesus ever said about loving your neighbor, one another, or, because, foreigners.

But like nearly everything in the lizard brain, the blazing irony of Special Stupid defies not just logic, love, fact, truth, and common sense, but even the most basic level of moral humanity— while assuming the very mantel of superior morality at the point of a gun and wrapped in an American Flag.

And it is this ongoing cultural conundrum of the cold dead values of the past, being inexorably and evermore forcefully supplanted by the progressive values of true brotherhood, which will occupy center stage of American politics until the battle is won. And it will not be won with bullets.