Hey, People Are Watching NBC Again

Dale "Cashews" PetersonDale “Cashews” Peterson don’t give a rip ’bout no rules.

HOOVER CITY—  Yeah hey, some people are watching NBC again.*  And the fact is, they might be the same people who thought absent-minded Alabama gun tater tot, Dale Peterson, was absolutely innocent of the most recent shoplifting charges filed against him by some liberal tools who work security at the Hoover City Sam’s Club.

It was jis too “coincidental,” you know;   because Peterson-haters been plottin’ on Dale ever since he has been publicly contemplate-ting a run for the presidency— and no, not of the Alabama Agricultural Committee.  And no, not of the Public Service Commission of Alabama.  But for prisidint of the United States.

Because, Character Assassination.  Peterson Haters.  Conspiracies.  Cashews.

Now it’s a fact it’s crystal clear it’s no coincidence that he’s been arrested for a couple dad-gum shoplifting charges.  Dale says in a tweeter, “Sometimes there are coincidences.  Sometime there are conspiracies.  And sometimes there are just facts. #SomethingAintRight”

Yes.  Sometimes there are facts.  And sometimes there are conspiracies.  And sometimes, things just ain’t right.  And sometimes, there are “thugs and criminals” who steal yard signs and who need to be shot in the face.  Just maybe not this time.

Oh, yeah, maybe it’s a fact Dale helped himself to a handful of peanuts, or cashews, or some kind of nuts or nut-like substance from a jar, or maybe it was a can he found on some shelf over at neighbor Sam’s place.  And he tossed the jar-like thing in his cart and went an did $155 worth of shopping, or was it $750 worth— there are conflicting fact reports— but the fact is by the time he got to the checkout, he realized he didn’t need no more stinkin’ peanuts, or cashews, or whatever, and he was thoughtful an kind enough to restock them— not merely leave them on some random shelf— or shove them aside at the checkout like some thug or criminal might do.

Yes facts are slippery things.  And the fact may very well be that Dale Peterson has the recall of a dry-roasted cashew;  or meybe a toasted peanut;  we jis cain’t rully know fur sure.**

So meybe we need us sum more Peterson mojo:

We’re Republicans, we should be better than that. 
Ah will name names and take no prisoners.
—Dale Peterson, lifting a gun to his shoulder


Kathy “Never No Handouts or Laz” Peterson,
and hubby, sahn protictor, and hat enthusiast, Dale

Only one thing is fur sure: someone who was being paid by Sam’s Club to watch for shoplifters was watching Dale Peterson, and they watched him snack on some cashews and then put the jar back on the shelf before he checked out.

Oh, and one other thing for sure.  They pride themselves on being tough on thugs and criminals in Alabama, because they “give a rip” about Alabama.  So throw the book at that sumbitch.

 

 

No they’re not.

**  No llamas contributed to this report.

Marriage Equality & The Supremes

Marriage: Miserable husband
Either one of these placards would be worthy of prominence, but taken together….

No big fan of MoDo, but she hits it out the park this morning in her op-ed concerning our dysfunctional Supreme Court in general; and what its oral argument over the anti-gay marriage Prop 8 case, Hollingsworth v. Perry, says about its dithering in the particular:

As the arguments unfurled in Tuesday’s case on same-sex marriage, the Supreme Court justices sounded more and more cranky. Things were moving too fast for them. How could the nine, cloistered behind velvety rose curtains, marble pillars and archaic customs, possibly assess the potential effects of gay marriage? They’re not psychics, after all.

[…]

Swing Justice Anthony Kennedy grumbled about “uncharted waters,” and the fuddy-duddies seemed to be looking for excuses not to make a sweeping ruling. Their questions reflected a unanimous craven impulse: How do we get out of this? This court is plenty bold imposing bad decisions on the country, like anointing W. president or allowing unlimited money to flow covertly into campaigns. But given a chance to make a bold decision putting them on the right, and popular, side of history, they squirm.es

The CW among legal observers is that the Court will punt this one, probably over the issue of standing. This would leave the broader issue of the right for gays to marry subject to the prevailing mores (i.e. bigotry and varying degrees of enlightenment) of the individual states, at least until a less problematic case is granted cert. (For a more detailed discussion of standing, see e.g. here.)  That would mean gay marriage would be legal once again California, leaving the fundamental human right of marriage in national limbo.

MoDo spells out one of the social consequences:

The only emotional moment in court was when Justice Kennedy brought up the possible “legal injury” to 40,000 children in California who live with same-sex parents. “They want their parents to have full recognition and full status,” he told Cooper. “The voice of those children is important in this case, don’t you think?”

Prolly not. Conservatives are all about the fetus, not what happens to it after it leaves the birth canal.

Modo concludes:

While Justice Alito can’t see into the future, most Americans can. If this court doesn’t reject bigotry, history will reject this court.

Next up: Prop 8’s older sister: DOMA, being argued today. Stay tuned.

Death Panels Redux

Bachmann's Wingnut Parade

Fresh from earning four Pinocchios for claiming at CPAC that the Obama presidency spends $1.4-billion on “perks and excess,” perennial wingnut Michelle Bachmann took to the House floor Thursday on the third anniversary of Obamacare to plead, once again, for its repeal.

Echoing the claim by her sister wingnut Sarah Palin that the original Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act set up “death panels” (via a provision for voluntary counseling on living wills, advance directives, and end-of-life care options),  Bachmann warned:

“That’s why we’re here: Because we’re saying let’s repeal this failure before it literally kills women, kills children, kills senior citizens. Let’s not do that. Let’s love people. Let’s care about people. Let’s repeal it now while we can.”

While it wasn’t clear how she imagines such slaughter will ensue, there were studies in 2010 that showed that without coverage for the then 48.6 million uninsured, some 22,000 otherwise preventable deaths would occur.

You’d think that someone with a law degree from Oral Roberts University could provide a little substantiation for her wild claims every now and then. What do they teach there, anyway?

Mad To The Max: Paul Ryan, Beyond Blunderdome

Paul Ryan Beyond Blunderdome

The barn door has closed on yet another episode of CPAC’s Wingnut Woodstock, the annual conclave of conservaschism‘s most extreme proponents. (See our archives for previous entries.)

Among the 70+ speakers were the party’s last two failed GOP Veep candidates, Rep. Paul Ryan (R- Gault’s Gulch), who couldn’t be bothered to even mention his former running mate, Mitt Romney, who was also there;  and Sarah Palin (R-Alaskan Quitter), who couldn’t resist sucking up some sugar water poison from a Big Gulp and throwing some red meat to the Birthers while attacking Karl Rove:

“If these experts who keep losin’ elections and keep gettin’ rehired and gettin’ millions — if they feel that strong about who gets to run in this party, then they should buck-up or stay in the truck.”

Rand Paul, who won the presidential straw poll beating Marco Rubio, 25%-23%, also implicitly took a shot at Rove and the establishment wing of the party, calling it “stale and moss covered,” in need of a complete do-over.  Rubio took the opposite tack, saying that the party just needed better packaging, everything else is just fine… except maybe their attitude toward immigration, a word that curiously never passed his lips.  Ted Cruz responded politely to GOP’s “grey eminence” John McCain, after McCain called him a “whackobird” for supporting Paul’s 13 hour filibuster against extra-judicial targeted killings, ala drone strikes.

All told, over 70 speeches were given.  And while Donald Trump said nothing of substance, he will be remembered for making a further investment in self-parody, talking to a room full of empty chairs after tweeting enthusiastically about how the sponsors were expecting a standing room only crowd for the pleasure of his company.

Empty chairs TrumpSquint real hard and you might see Trump holding court for a handful of starstruck suckups

Noticeable for their absence were Past GOP luminaries New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and Virgina Governor Bob McDonnell weren’t invited this year because they had committed the unforgivable sin of, you know, actual governance, an activity antithetical to the overriding mission of modern conservatism— the wholesale dismantling of the US government (except as it benefits the 1%).

Which brings us to the substance of Paul Ryan’s speech, his proposed 2014 budget confabulation. The zombie eyed granny starver once again tried to disguise his Ayn Randian flavored social Darwinism as deficit reduction, framing his argument as the only rational approach to a country teetering on the edge of the apocalypse:

Unless we change course, we will have a debt crisis.  Pressed for cash, the government will take the easy way out:  It will crank up the printing presses.  The final stage of this intergenerational theft will be the debasement of our currency.  Government will cheat us of our just rewards.  Our finances will collapse.  The economy will stall.  The safety net will unravel. And the most vulnerable will suffer.

But it’s not too late.  This budget provides an exit ramp from the current mess— and an entry ramp to a better future.  Unlike the President’s last budget, which never balanced, this budget achieves balance within ten years.

Washington Post and MSNBC economic policy wonk Ezra Klein comments:

These are tremendously important paragraphs. They’re emphasized a few pages later, in the first real section of the budget, which is entitled “The Debt Crisis Ahead.”  These paragraphs matter because they serve as Ryan’s justification for his budget.  They are why we need to throw 35 million people off health insurance.  They are why we need to cut deep into education and infrastructure and food stamps and housing assistance.  They are why this budget is an act of mercy rather than cruelty — because if this future is the only alternative, then this budget is painful but necessary medicine.

But it’s not.  Ryan’s nightmare scenario isn’t likely even in the absence of new policy.  A reasonable assumption of future debt is about 112 percent of GDP come 2037 — and that’s assuming the repeal of the sequester.  That’s too high for comfort, and there’s some evidence that debt at that level could harm the economy.  But there’s no evidence that it would create the kind of Mad Max-style scenario Ryan paints.

Ryan’s GOP budget takes a meat ax to the social safety net for the old, poor, and infirm, all the while sparing the military/medical/prison/financial industrial complex or any other corporate interest group from any sacrifice whatsoever. Ryan ignores deficit expanding tax expenditures that overwhelmingly favor the wealthy, which in 2009 cost the federal government a cool trillion; says nothing about eliminating tens of billions of dollars in direct taxpayer subsidies to hugely profitable industries like the oil companies and Big Ag, many of whom don’t even pay any income tax thanks to lobbyist provided loopholes; and lowers tax rates across the board, which again, overwhelmingly favors the rich.MORE. . .“Mad To The Max: Paul Ryan, Beyond Blunderdome”

BOSTO KET

BostoKetYes I made the sign read “Bosto ket.” I saw it at the local BM, but by the time I returned with a camera, it had already morphed to “Bos.”

So.  Fuck the “news.”

Come on. Why is it “news” when a cue ball like Bob Corker breaks lock step with John Crybaby and tells Fux Noise there is a “…chance for a deal” on a budget deal?

Who gives a shit if Karl Rove gets dissed by Sarah what’s-her-lameness?

Are you going to lose any sleep over the delay of the Cyprus Bank Levy vote?

And how is that weird stabbing pain in your gluteus maximus any different than hearing Newton Leroy Gingrich has been staring at candles and shared his “thinking” about them at CPAC?

And how did you overlook Taylor Swift‘s legs in a pair of denim “short shorts”? [sic]

Surely you’re keeping up with Prince, Paris, and Blanket Jackson, in their pursuit of $40 billion dollars from AEG?

Boba FettThis is Boba Fett.  He has nothing to do with Bosto Ket.

 Why does a sixteen year old Steubenville child need to find out via text messages from “friends”— some who apparently took photos of her at the scene of the crime— that she’s been gang raped by high school boys?  (Want to stop ALL RAPE immediately in this country?  The world?  Make the punishment for conviction of rape for any biped above the age of fifteen, DEATH— by high velocity lead penetration to the temple.  And do it within 30 days of ONE failed appeal after conviction.  I guaran-effin-tee you that rape, the homicide rate, and any other capital offense you care to add, will drop like a rock in a swimming pool.

And you know.  On and on and effin’ on with the endless, mind-numbing distractions that paralyze an increasingly obese and jaded populace.  Jennifer Lopez Flashes Bra During Day Out With Her Twins (PHOTO)  Kim Kardashian‘s Bump On Full Display At ‘Temptation’ Premiere In Atlanta (PHOTO)  Elisabeth Hasselbeck‘s Days At ‘The View’ Are Reportedly Numbered;  Princess Diana‘s Dresses Head To Auction;  Healthy Food ‘Not Our Personality,’ Says Fast Food CEO; Dead Pig Count In China’s Waters Near Shanghai Spikes (GRAPHIC PHOTOS) [The same “waters” 23 million people depend on for drinking water.]  Elderly Man Eats Roadkill—Yeah, Even The Disgusting Mangled Kind (VIDEO)  [And speaking of roadkill]:  Roadkill Couture To Unveil Bridal Gowns Featuring Dead Animals (PHOTOS) Ex-Food Exec: Food Industry ‘Puts Profits Over Public Health’;  Ex-Bailout Watchdog: JPMorgan’s Actions ‘Entirely Consistent With Fraud’;  Mr. Ann Coulter Tells Harsh Christie Joke…  and a few million more synaptic responses wasted like that.

 

America has gone all Bosto Ket.

 

 

 

 

Back To Brazil

 

If you look at the background to the left or the right of our front page, you may think you’re looking at a small part of the Carina Nebula.  Well.  That’s really cyberspace, and we’ve been out there soaring around for the past few weeks, perambulating the volatile gases, sorting out server issues, enjoying the fine cuisine of the local eating establishments, dancing the rumba, practicing good dental hygiene, and of course, barking at all the really fine moons out there.

But we’re back now.  And baby, it looks like the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Prepare for heavy rolls.

As the Paul Ryans, Ted Cruzes, and Donald Drumpfs of Repuglican World doubledown on crushing the last vestige of sanity out of our nation’s political dialogue, we’re ready to get back into the crazy;  right up to our carotid arteries.

Please join us.

ERASERHEAD RAND

Rand “Eraserhead” Paul is a very angry man. It’s definitely the hair.