LOS ANGELES — So what if it’s predictable and strains credulity— Joe Dirt loves Sarah Palin. “She may be an airhead and what not, and she was pretty much mauled by that Bulldog Biden guy, but she’s still the pitbull who like stole my heart when she winked directly at me last night,” said Dirt, who has been struggling to get back into the media’s eye since the movie Joe Dirt fell off the charts in New Zealand.
At a hastily thrown-together press conference this morning, Dirt encouraged Palin to continue courting the “six-pack vote,” because reinforcing obtuse cultural stereotypes reaches out to “those of us who can’t balance our checkbooks and are too stupid not to over-borrow and manage household debt, register to vote, or tell shit from shinola.”
Dirt continued, “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so, because people out there in our nation don’t have enough munnies, and I believe that our country, like such as South Africa, and the Eye-raq everywhere like, such as, and, we will be able to build up our future for our children, and Sarah Palin gets that.”
Asked if he was registered to vote in the upcoming election, Dirt was circumspect: “Yeah I thought about it, and I just might. I’m not gonna make promises I may not keep.”
When asked if he and Palin had ever texted each other, Dirt was clearly offended and said that was nobody’s business, and not the kind of question you ever ask about a lady like Sarah Palin.