THE WHITE DOG HOUSE — The annual revelation that a little black scottie dog runs the White House was again met with shock and anger by too few normal human beings.
“Barney,” aka “Bushmaster,” was again portrayed as merely the driving force behind the White House Christmas celebration by a cloying gaggle of the Bush family, gathered around the fireplace.
The disturbing video, produced by “Barney Productions,” was leaked to an eager lapdog press core that took turns slobbering over surreal segments of the Bushes, their children, and new in-law Henry Hager talking to Barney, the obsequious Miss Beasley, and a cat named “Willard,” amid poorly produced visions of grandeur of Barney winning several aquatic Olympic events.
Barney’s paper-thin veneer of social dogitude was apparently stretched to the breaking point recently when he attempted to violently amputate a few digits of Reuters reporter, Jon Decker. This latest rupture of his genteel facade pales when compared to his attack on liberal Boston Celtics public relations director, Heather Walker on September 19th, 2008, who was savagely bitten on the wrist, elbows, knees, ear, nose, and throat, and lost several pints of blood before being ferreted off to an undisclosed location. The incident was brushed under the rug until the Decker mauling brought several previous attacks to national attention, exposing a pattern of unprovoked attacks on random dweebs.
A rift between Barney and Karl Rove became public shortly after Rove’s resignation, when Rove publicly lashed out at the terrier, calling him “a lump.” Back-channel reports said that was coded talk by Rove, that alluded to the fact that Barney used Rove’s White House office as his toilet of choice.
Perhaps the most controversial of Barney‘s run-ins with politicos is his public spat with Russian President Vladimir Putin, who publicly ridiculed Barney as a “smaller breed,” unworthy of real world leaders. Barney responded by challenging Putin’s “mutt” to a no-holes-barred dog fight. Putin’s black bitch labrador, Koni, was said to have been amused by the challenge, but only said, “Драка с чем? Тот маленький приклад-smeller? Отсутствие fucking путя.”*
*”Vight wit vhat? Dot little butt-smeller? No voocking vhay.”