If you want to play their game, you must click it.
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He’s said to be a Buddhist; I don’t think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith.
I mentioned the Buddhism only because his mother is a Buddhist
and he has apparently said that he is a Buddhist.
I’m not sure how seriously he practices that.
—Brit Hume
Organized Christianity has probably done more to retard the Ideals that were its founder’s than any other agency in the world.
—Richard Le Gallienne
Being a Christian is more than just an instantaneous conversion—
it is a daily process whereby you grow to be more and more like Christ.
—Billy Graham
The recent religiosity smuggery-fest over Episcopal Christian Brit Hume’s on-air outbreak of Aphtae epizooticae,* presents US with a pernicious opportunity to play a few rounds of golf with Tiger Woods Christian Monopoly. Christian Monopoly is a corporate bored game created by numerous Christian American adherents in the early and mid-decades of the twentieth century, wherein the United States is proclaimed to be a Christian Nation, forged out of the temple-taxing, witch-burning “Judeo-Christian principles” of its ancestral pedigree.
Christianity is currently played more or less daily by some 76% of the U.S. population. There are many hundred versions of the game available in the United States, but Roman Catholics and Evangelicals account for over 84% of active players, so we’ll be using the Roman Catholic version, which, truth be told, isn’t all that different from the Anglican variation practiced by Mr Hume. Yeah, I’m not sure how seriously he practices that; just sayin’.
The main impetus behind the idea of Christian Monopoly is born in a particular bit of Christian dogma that makes its sausage in public, with one part chosen-people doctrine, one part infallible human interpretation of scripture, and one part “my way or the highway”— to Hell. The foundational quote comes from Jesus himself: “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man goes to the Father except through me.”
Jesus said it, and we believe it:
our understanding of it never changes, and that settles it.
Uhhhhh, no.
There is as you want to suspect, a little more to it than that. “No man goes to the Father except through me” is where the wheels come off. It’s easy to imagine that even back in the day, such a teaching was just too deep for many of the apostles, even as it remains so for most contemporary Christians. If that’s true, reason Christians, then before they die, every member of the human race who wants eternal salvation must become a genuine Christian in order to be saved from the fiery pits of Hell.
Surprise! It turns out the vast uncharted reaches of the universe just aren’t set up the way Christianity insists on thinking. But. Let’s take Jesus at his word— as Christians think they have it, anyway. Jesus is pretty clearly saying if you would find the Father, you have to find him first. Alright. But the question immediately arises, just how much time does an all-merciful, all-loving Divine Creator/Father actually provide each one of us to find Jesus in the universe?
Most Christians reason you have only this lifetime to get it done, whether your days are few or many, based on? What? Their personal exhaustive studies of the depths of infinite mercy as God chooses to bestow it?? So if you haven’t come to Jesus before say, a cancer sucks you down at age two, you die of old age with a smile on your face, you get run over by a drunken illegal immigrant on your fourth birthday, or you get a toe-tag via a Christian serial killer with a get out of Hell Free card at thirty-two— you are headed for an eternity of suffering and fourth degree burns in a Lake of Fire created, fired and furnished by God almighty; CEO and first grilling chef Lucifer, will not be taking your requests.
Fox Basset Hound Alexander Britton Hume, almost conscious. Of course he never “intended” to insult Buddhism; it’s just an unavoidable consequence of being Christian that results in all other religions being inferior.
Well, certainly they’re wrong. Oh, not about the through Jesus part necessarily, but about the way they understand it. And the by-when-you-have-to-do-it, part. And not surprisingly, about Christianity’s insistence you gotta be a particular kind of Christian part. Oh, and about no other religion can save you part. And about the eternal suffering in Hell part. And the presumption about the Infinite Creator’s supposed inflexible requirement naming the Christian religion as the only one that will get you to Paradise.
But these grievous errors of presumption do not matter to the institutionalized Christians who ply the bylaws of their faith on Fox News. The Bible-length corporate contract they signed with their respective earthly representatives of the Christian Monopoly on salvation clearly states that they’ve got a guaranteed first-class seat in the one true pipeline to Paradise.
And they can clearly (almost sorta kinda) see the Good Lord, God of Loving kindness that he is, perusing the daily death sheets, furiously crossing off the Buddhists, Baha’is, Confucians, Deists, Gnostics, Gypsies, Hindus, Jains, Jews, Muslims, Sikhs, Shintos and Santerians, Taoists, Voduns, and Zoroastrians, with a giant Red Sharpie that he wields with super-dope speed; sending those hapless billions of souls to their hideous eternal fate, shaking his head ever so slightly as he half-mumbles, “I told you so, you sorry sonzabitches, you just didn’t listen…”
And if your sorry ass was born on any other planet in the universe besides this one? Well, the Christian Monopoly says technically, you’re shit out of luck; see you in Hell.
It’s precisely this antiquated poop sack full of the hateful horseshit of Hell and Eternal Damnation that is responsible for preventing the vast majority of earth dwelling souls from taking the threats— never mind the promises— of Christianity seriously. For any father or mother that raises their children in love and practices a religion of love, almost always understands that God never punishes in anger, and never could love his many children any less than an earthly father or mother, who understands the childish, nay insane immorality of the heartless scheme of eternal punishment by torture.
No, there’s no need for a Get Out of Hell Free card from the Christian game of Monopoly. The infinite mercy and divine forgiveness of the real Father of all things and beings can only be conditioned by his own conditions, not those of some provincial, evolutionary religion like Christianity. God’s forgiveness is conditioned by just one thing: your forgiving of your fellow human beings. So all you busy little Christians out there self-righteously—or humbly— condemning and consigning non-Christians to an eternal future of charcoal and incineration, I’mma jis haffa let you burn; for your part you better hope God isn’t as half as nasty as you think he is.
When any one hears God’s spirit speak within their human heart, inherent in that very experience is the fact that God simultaneously hears that person’s prayer. And his forgiveness of sin operates in this same unerring fashion.
When it’s all said and done, it’s your faith that saves you, not a slavish adherence to anyone’s dogma— including Christianity. Even a tiny bit of faith exercised in sincerity is likely to earn you the opportunity to explore eternity, with more than an adequate chance to discover your own personal route to eternal life.
But even the infinite love of God cannot, will not, force the salvation of eternal survival upon any mortal creature who does not choose to survive. Mercy has great latitude of bestowal, but, after all, there are pesky mandates of justice which even love combined with mercy cannot effectively abrogate.
Jesus quoted from the Hebrew scriptures when he said:
“I have called and you refused to hear; I stretched out my hand, but no man regarded. You have set at naught all my counsel, and you have rejected my reproof, and because of this rebellious attitude it becomes inevitable that you shall call upon me and fail to receive an answer. Having rejected the way of life, you may seek me diligently in your times of suffering, but you will not find me.”
Jesus may be the final arbiter on your choice of destiny, but that choice is yours, and yours alone. Your passage through his “many mansions” and creations on your way to Paradise does, of necessity, fall under his purview by “accident” of your birth in his universe. But truly: we are each the architect of our own destiny. Good luck with that.
•
In the next world you will be asked to give an account of the endowments and stewardships of this world. Whether inherent talents are few or many, a just and merciful reckoning must be faced. If endowments are used only in selfish pursuits and no thought is bestowed upon the higher duty of obtaining increased yield of the fruits of the spirit, as they are manifested in the ever-expanding service of men and the worship of God, such selfish stewards must accept the consequences of their deliberate choosing.
—The Urantia Book
The Gods who ordained that mortal man should climb to higher levels of spiritual intelligence through long ages of evolutionary trials and tribulations, take note of his status and needs at every stage of the ascent; and always are they divinely fair and just, even charmingly merciful, in the final judgments of these struggling mortals of the early days of the evolving races.
—The Urantia Book
* Hoof-In-Mouth Disease
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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
‘brit hume’ anagrams to ‘rebut him.’
he is clearly the anti-christ!!
p.s. the monopoly board is sheer genius, terry. i wish i had thought of it first.
Anti-Christ? No I think he’s married to a VP at Fox; same difference.
p.s. You did think of it first, Nonnie; I’ve bee tapping your brainwaves!
Given that Tiger has gone incommunicado, Britt is just playing his appointed role as corporatist messenger to their most valuable marketing spokesperson, presenting him a choice:
Either admit your sins, ask for forgiveness using the well-worn but proven Christian redemption frame, and you can reclaim your status as the world’s top earning sports celebrity.
Or don’t pass conversion Go, don’t collect $200 million endorsement dollars.
Props, why so cynical?
Brit found religion when his son Sandy committed suicide. But he still sounds like someone who thinks of religion as a business deal.
Didn’t know about his son’s suicide. (Apparently happened shortly after Sandy, reporting for The Hill, leaked the story about the attempted coup against House Speaker Newt Gingrich.) I would hope that anybody would find religion after a trauma like that.
As for his proselytizing, even Bill-O called him on out that the next day on his show. Hume, of course, denied it. Sincerity and delusion aren’t mutually exclusive, and when combined with the whole DC Christianity/wealth/power nexus that has come to light in the C Street revelations, I gotta be just a wee bit cynical.
there’s even more to the story.
Yo nonnie:
Great catch.
I can actually remember a time when the Republican Party wasn’t so thoroughly dominated by sociopaths and malignant narcissists.
I can actually remember a time when the Republican Party wasn’t so thoroughly dominated by sociopaths and malignant narcissists.
Jesus, Prop— how old are you? You gotta be talkin’ before Nixon and Agnew. . .
Christian Supremacists! Yick. I thank Jesus everyday I am not a Christian. As for the rest, I have yet to find any organized or nearly organized religion that doesn’t contain some kind of bullshit dogma that is all but indefensible. I prefer to stay a free agent and think for myself thank you very much.
If I were Jew, I might be worried about the pronouncement Jesus made about being *THE go-to guy for divine connection…Might be. I have seen too much to buy that koolaid.
Most people use religion either to grasp political power in some capacity, or to avert taking inventory on their own behavior. To which I say, Must be nice, never having to say you are sorry.
Hey Chick, Happy New Year!
But seriously. You’re right, almost every evolutionary religion contains a crazy nugget; but it’s the truth they have that I’m interested in. Unfortunately, their crazy nuggets have been so well preserved, they are now contending with the truth, and that means stuff has to change.
I ask Jesus to protect me from his followers.
But as a follower of Jesus, I’m careful to include myself in that request.
We’re Urantia Book readers (USojo) for damned good reasons, and most all of them involve replacing those crazy nuggets with greatly expanded ideas and ideals about life and light in the Universe.
As for koolaid and Jesus. The Christian story of Jesus is so fucked up, that it’s a wonder anyone can find him through it, Jewish or otherwise. IMO, the only way to discover him is with a total reboot; that means putting all settled ideas aside long enough to read Part IV of the UB, and then tackling the rest of the book.
Brit Hume set off a shit storm around his corporate prostitution of forgiveness as an exclusive Christian benefit, and ultimately that’s a good thing, because it will cause a lot of good, but clueless Christians to stop and think about the inherent arrogance of their dogma; fundamentalists, not so much. But it’s time to throw down and sort this crap out.
“We’re Urantia Book readers (USojo) for damned good reasons, and most all of them involve replacing those crazy nuggets with greatly expanded ideas and ideals about life and light in the Universe.”
Organized religion is why I am a follower of The USB. It falls in line of what I had already believed. It does not pass judgement on people like the fundies do. It’s liberating.
You ought to give it a quick go-over. You just might like it.
I really, really dislike the fundy type religions. They are the biggest turn off and I think they are what drives people away from Christianity. They have taken the word “Christian” and warped it, making it repulsive. Evangelicals are pretty much to blame. But then when I think of that word (Evangelical), I’m reminded of Jimmy Carter who I have a lot of love and respect for. He practices (as far as I know) real Christianity.
As far as Britt goes, he is just like the rest of the Corporate Christians. They sell out their own personal beliefs for as much attention and money as they can get.
Jesus said, and I don’t have the exact quote, to go off and pray in private. I don’t believe that He was trying to ram Christianity down anyone’’s throat. As a matter of fact, He told the Apostles that if they were rejected in any of the towns they visited to brush it off and move on.
Hey Mary, “USB” stands for “Universal Serial Bus” in my world, clue me in!
The fundamental problem of Christianity is fundamentalists. The fundamental mistake of putting your faith in a book— the inerrant Bible— instead of your understanding of truth, beauty, and goodness in a relationship with God— leads to the calcification and death of truth in the dead creeds, dogmas and doctrines that no longer provide the answers for 21st century seekers of truth.
Christianity has long alienated the non-English speaking world because it is so occidentalized as an institution; it’s precisely the kind of Christianity to which Brit Hume subscribes.
And you are right, Jesus told the apostles that if their message was rejected, to knock the dust off their sandals and head on down the road. But they were messengers of a new gospel, and they were commissioned by him to take it to the ends of the earth. But the misunderstood teachings of Jesus have produced the sort of intolerant and arrogant religion that allows the Falwells and the Robertsons and worse to practice their bigotry and hate on anyone different than their selected few; it’s no surprise it’s joined and the hip with the increasingly isolated and exclusionary Republican party.
Great post! I’ve been having long discussions with a couple of family members entrenched in Christian dogma.
Zen, You must be one brave Dude to talk religion with the family; especially the entrenched ones. I could promise you a way I know to prevail in those discussions, but then you’d have to cartoon from a cell.
If you’re not religious, you’ll never persuade them they could be wrong about some things, and if you are, you’ll never persuade them they could be wrong about some things. Not right away, at least. So you may as well be armed with the Right Stuff: read the U.B.
p.s. I’ve been remiss about getting you linked up in our blogroll; my bad; it’s on my 2-dew list.
No worries about blogroll stuff.
With respect to the religion discussions, I’ve logically laid out for them that the possibility exists they could be wrong about the things they choose to believe in. Nobody’s perfect. I’ve acknowledged that I could be wrong about my views and they could be right, and all I ask is they admit that possibilities different from their own views may exist. They can’t do it. When I point out the dogmatic nature of their attitude, they get defensive and deny being dogmatic. I point out that If they are claiming there is no possibility that they can be wrong about their views, then that is pretty much the definition of dogmatic. They want to pretend they are not dogmatic while claiming to be authorities on the great mysteries of the universe! When I point that out to them, they try to act humble and proclaim that they aren’t experts about the Great Mysteries of the Universe. So I point out that if they are not experts on the Great Mysteries of The Universe, it stands to reason that they don’t know everything and they could be wrong about some of the things they believe, and we are back to square one in the discussion where they refuse to admit that possibilities different from their own beliefs may exist. Funny, but sad.
That was painful to read, Zen; it doesn’t get much tougher than that with family. They know what they know; but they can’t separate it from what they only think they know. It’s insanely difficult for most people to realize that while their spiritual experience is absolutely real, that doesn’t make what they believe— their dogma— right.
It is very sad about his son’s suicide. I didn’t know that about Britt.
That should be something that makes him take a better look at Christianity and help him to be less judgemental.
You are one of the coolest people writing on the internets today, baby.
I always love reading your latest dope (or is that “about dopes?”).
Now, to get the rest of the civilized American world on the same page.
S
Christian Monopoly is a corporate bored game created by numerous Christian American adherents in the early and mid-decades of the twentieth century, wherein the United States is proclaimed to be a Christian Nation, forged out of the temple-taxing, witch-burning “Judeo-Christian principles” of its ancestral pedigree.
Christianity is currently played more or less daily by some 76% of the U.S. population. There are many hundred versions of the game available in the United States, but Roman Catholics and Evangelicals account for over 84% of active players, so we’ll be using the Roman Catholic version, which, truth be told, isn’t all that different from the Anglican variation practiced by Mr Hume. Yeah, I’m not sure how seriously he practices that; just sayin’.
Thank you, Suzan; I’m honored.
Good piece and excellent graphic.
Thank you, Mark; as always.
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