BREAKING Dick Hospitalized

Dick Cheney was admitted with rectal pains Monday. When asked about the number 2 pencils, which are full length pencils inserted in the president’s nose, he said they are simply there to remind him he is no longer in the White House.

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION — Former de facto President Dick Cheney has been hospitalized with rectal pains, Fox News has confirmed. The 69-year-old unprosecuted war criminal, who served as de facto President from 2001 to 2009 in the administration of George W. Bush, also an unprosecuted war criminal, was said to be resting uncomfortably Monday at an undisclosed location, near Washington D.C.

“His doctors are evaluating the um, ‘situation,'” a statement from his office said.

Cheney has a history of health problems.  It was discovered 32 years ago that Cheney utterly lacks a heart organ, normally found in the upper chest cavity of nearly all human beings.  In 2001, doctors gave Cheney an implanted cardioverter defibrillator, known as the “Tin Man heart,” (after the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz), a device that emits a regular heartbeat and circulates blood.

I know;  who gives a fuck.

5 Comments

Prove you're human: leave a comment.