Another Great Moment In Corporate Douchebaggery (Update)

BP CEO Tony “Tin Ear” Hayward

Unfrakkin believable:

BP boss admits job on the line over Gulf oil spill

The Guardian, Friday 14 May 2010


In an bullish interview with the Guardian at BP’s crisis centre in Houston, Hayward insisted that the leaked oil and the estimated 400,000 gallons of dispersant that BP has pumped into the sea to try to tackle the slick should be put in context.

“The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume,” he said.

Bullish? As in optimistic; or as in full of bullshit?

Hey pal, I think your toupee is on too tight, cutting off the blood to your brain.

Volume is only one dimension of the problem. The size of a fatal botulism spore relative to the size of the human it kills is the equivalent of a flea derailing a freight train. The wholesale destruction of the Gulf’s marine and coastal ecosystems, not to mention the lives of millions of people that depend on it, ain’t “tiny.”

All this misery to save your tight little corporate asses, what– a half million bucks for a stinkin backup valve?

The prospect of losing your job should be the least of your problems.

UPDATE: You know it’s going to be a strange week when you wake up and find Fux NewsShep Smith backing your play.  Weaselzipper quotes him as follows:

Mr. Hayward, that Gulf is the source of life for millions upon million of people, and plants, and other creatures on this earth. Jobs are lost, beaches and birds are tarred, fisheries are closed, tourists are canceling, economies are threatened, and people from Florida to Texas are in some cases concerned for their very livelihoods, and you speak of ‘comparative volume’?

Mr. Hayward, British Petroleum has caused the proud people of the Gulf Region great pain. If you think your statements on this subject are helping your company’s cause — you are wrong. And if you think the people of the Gulf Region and the rest of America will take lying down without a fight a poorly handled aftermath of what your company has done to our Gulf and our people – you are horribly mistaken.

Our water is now polluted, our coast is now soiled, our fish and our turtles and our shrimp and our oysters are now harmed. Many of our people are now out of a job, and eleven hardworking men and women are dead from the explosion on the rig that carried your company’s name. Remember that Mr. Hayward? We do. On your watch, these are extremely difficult times for us litigious Americans. At least act like you care.

I especially liked Shep’s description of Americans as “litigious.” Now that our corporatist Supreme Court has designated even transnational corporations as “persons” vested with the Constitutional rights, including perhaps the right to be thrown into jail for life, I hope Mr. Hayward looks good in an orange jump suit.

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