PORT FOURCHON, LA — Louisiana wildlife officials say huge effin’ tar balls have begun washing up on the beach at Port Fourchon, some of them eight inches across. The good ‘ol Guvner of Misssissippi, Oily Barbour, told reporters the oil spill “…might could be disastrous for Mississippi’s coastal economy, but it’s just as possible that what happens here will be manageable and ya know, of meybe even minimal impact. Wha shoot, it might jiss awl disappear.”
Barbour thought out loud that much of the spill jist looks like the gasoline sheen commonly found around ski boats. “We don’t wash our face in it, but it don’t stop us from jiss jumpin’ off the boat to ski,” Barbour said.
Yeah? Really? Well then, why don’t you “jiss jump off the boat” and f’n float your big ass out to sea? You’ve got no business being governor of anything but the bottom of what used to be the Gulf of Mexico.