PHOENIX — Arizona Sen. John Sidney McCain faces voters again today.
Although still considered one of the Senate’s most vulnerable incumbents, McCain is now the clear front-runner over barely sentient conservative challenger, J.D. Hayworth in Arizona’s Republican primary, and will be the Republican party candidate yet again, unless there’s some unforeseen organ failure before this fall.
Hayworth, a former congressman, talk-hate radio host, douche-nozzle, and brain donor, has given a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t,” “lesser of two evils” alternative to conservatives fed up with the Maverick‘s famous on-again, off-again willingness to fuck his party and use the Democrats on issues like campaign finance, immigration, and climate change.
So McCain‘s dream of sitting in the Oval office as “presdint” of the United States is still alive.
Speculate with me now on just how that might look: Of course, he’ll have to choose Sarah Palin as his running mate again, since she’s still the only one stupid enough to hitch her wardrobe to McCain‘s off-the-rack Depends, while hoping he expires in office. And once they’ve managed to pull the wool over America’s eyes, you can imagine, can’t you— can’t you?— 77 year old Captain Underpants sitting there in the oval office, trying to wrap his little sausage fingers around a choice between the nutball tea partiers and the Budweiser bullies. . . Should he round up and deport all the so-called American Muslims like Sarah and the t-baggers insist, or should he concentrate on deporting the 22 million Mexicans. . . Should he Drill Baby Drill! in the Gulf for whatever oil might still be there, or just attack Iran and take theirs?
Either way. The legacy of John Sidney isn’t finished being written yet.