|The Colbert Report||Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c|
|Colbert Platinum – Wealth Under Siege|
In Eat The Rich, I referenced an article by Matt Taiibbi about AIG, the allegedly too big to fail insurance company that played a crucial role in keeping the Wall Street Casino open 24/7. Said Matt:
…AIG is what happens when short, bald managers of otherwise boring financial bureaucracies start seeing Brad Pitt in the mirror…who acted like making huge bets with other people’s money would make [their] dick[s] bigger.
Two and half years later, the peasants have grabbed their pithchforks and pitched their tents, Occupying Wall Street and hundreds of other cities in the US and across the world.
One can understand if the 1% are getting a bit nervous about the “barbarians…at the gated communities,” as Stephen Colbert describes them in a segment titled Wealth Under Siege.
“They know we’re delicious,” he says plaintively. Corn fed and pampered by Japanese masseuses, he confesses: “I’m Human Kobi beef.”
After instructing the 99% to leave the room and do some “extreme couponing” or something, he offers some timely, survival tips to the uber rich. Pulling out a copy of Yacht Magazine, he notes that the zeitgeist has definitely changed. Yacht’s are no longer being sold as luxury items of conspicuous consumption, but as survival necessities. Secure, “artificial libertarian Islands” await the Job Creators if only they can beat the ungrateful, angry mobs to the docks.
But there’s help for that too. Either an armored SUV limousine with a custom poop humidor, guaranteed to withstand a fusillade of bullets for 24 hours; or a decked out RV that looks “like a Storm Trooper banged a Winnebago.”
Stephen concludes by asking the age old theological question:
Could God build a yacht so big that even He couldn’t fill with bitches?
I’m sure Bill O’Reilly has an answer for that one.