Men In Black

Romneyalizer
“Now that I’ve told you I’m going to take away your ‘Obamacare,’ I’ll have to use my flashy flashlight thing to erase your memory. Trust me: You’re going to love this.”


HOUSTON —A respectful NAACP convention crowd had its collective memory wiped clean Wednesday by presumptive Republican nominee Willard Romney, after he was booed on three separate occasions during his speech. After the speech Romney said, “I think we expected to be booed, you know, when I told them I was taking away their free stuff, which incidentally, is the same message I give to all the white people across the country who hate Obamacare after they’ve been neuralyzed.  I use my ‘Men In Black flashlight’ to erase their memory and set them straight.”

Romney was referring to the film Men In Black and a device known as a “nueralyzer,” a contrivance obtained from alien technology and used by secret government agents in the film to erase a few moments of recent memory, while simultaneously allowing an alternate reality memory to be introduced in its place.

Romney was roundly booed by the crowd when he said, “I’m going to eliminate every non-essential, expensive program I can find, and that includes Obamacare.” Use of the term “Obamacare” is still considered a slur upon the president by non-nueralyzed individuals, and other Americans who are more or less immune to right wing propaganda.

Romney was increasingly enthusiastic as he explained how he had nueralyzed the crowd.  “People want to see someone who can get this economy going despite our party’s efforts,” Romney said. “And that is me. Believe me, after the post-neuralyzation suggestions I layed on them, I expect to get their African-American votes.  Did you see that standing ovation I got at the end of my speech?  That wasn’t just generous and hospitable on the part of the audience. I told them to do it. LOL.”  He continued.  “And now?  After my alternate reality suggestions— we no longer disagree on issues like Obamacare, believe me!  They’ve seen the light!”

The candidate seemed unstoppable. “Tell me.  Why do you think these bozos can’t remember anything?  It’s simply amazing.  I can step on my dick a dozen times a week, but just give me a few moments alone with them and my neuralyzer thing, and they’ll think I’m really the guy who’s going to help them get a job!”

And with another hearty laugh, the governor wiped a tear out of his eye and pulled out a silver, over-sized plastic pen. “Don’t worry,” he said, smiling and waving the pen in a wand-like fashion.  “I’m getting very very good at these ‘alternate reality’ suggestions.”

 

3 Comments

  1. Propagandee Propagandee

    Every campaign has its talking points, woven into a narrative that is supposed to highlight the policies a candidate is pushing.

    But in Willard’s case, because he isn’t offering anything substantive, say like an actual jobs program or a health care initiative to replace the Obama/Romney plan already in place, one is left spinning around in an alternate reality with no tangible reference points, no moorings to grab onto.

    Instead, we get empty rhetoric like “repeal and replace.” And promises to further reduce taxes on the uber wealthy that would put an additional $276k in the pockets of each of these “job creators”, which is then suppose to magically trickle down and put some 25 million people back to work.

    Four months from now we’ll know if a billion dollars of slick campaign adds and lying surrogates can perform as well as a MIB neuraLIESer.

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