The Comeback Team “gets down to business” with a few romantic moves on each other.
*Original image here.
A LOT OF UNFLATTERING PROSE has been directed at the “magic underwear” supposedly worn by devout Mormons, and we confess this blog was no exception, having spun our own thin fabrication of that myth here, regarding a possible Romney-Bachmann ticket. But that doesn’t mean we’re done. No way.
We remain convinced there really is magic underwear out there, but it has nothing to do with the Mormon church, and everything to do with Mitt Romney.
Unless you live under a bridge, by now you have seen and heard Mitt Romney tell upwards of a few dozen lies, some of them very likely bigger than the ass-end of ’56 Buick Road Master, but every one of them told with jaw-dropping, unflinching calm and steady, unblinking eye contact. Here’s my favorite interview demonstrating the shear power of “Stretchy-Seat” hard at work, over and over again:
Did you catch that opening whopper at 1:23? That the “president’s plan is not about the few people who are uninsured”? Seriously?? 47 million people is a “few people”?? He goes on to actually number three more lies to make them easier to follow and regurgitate. (Be sure to catch the barely detectable sway right before the camera cuts away after he tells the biggest lie in the interview, when he responds with “Absolutely” to Huckabee’s question about supporting a personhood amendment @ 5:25.
An experienced psychiatrist would call such behavior compulsive psychopathic prevarication, or some such nonsense, when in fact, such an amazing ability is the result of— that’s right— “Mittenswear.”
Mittenswear is a small business located just 430 miles from Miami in the western Caribbean Sea, on the beautiful little island of Grand Cayman. Unnamed sources on the island have confirmed that Mittenswear, a secretive manufacturer of men’s undergarments, has been making an exclusive design for GOP presumptive nominee, Mitt Romney, for more than two decades.
Details of exactly how Mittenswear actually works remain etcha-sketchy, but they are known to contain a special knitted panel which allows the wearer to “twitch ‘n flinch and squirm” without any obvious tells of moral discomfort or sudden buttocks clenching.
Some have said that Stretchy-Seat undergarments are worn by more than 96% of elected politicians in the U.S., and more than 98% of all Wall Street bankers and lawyers.