LOTS OF STUFF flows by under our personal radar on this planet, and on any given day, the unprecedented proliferation around the globe of cheap wine barely makes anyone’s short list of things you could be wasting time on.
But not this week. This week, Sarah Palin resigned again— this time from her million dollar gig at Fux Noise. And I found this at Safeway:
I don’t drink much wine, but when I do, I drink cheap Pinot Noir. And I always search the Pinot section first before resorting to a less sexy grape. But I nearly lost control of important excretory functions when I saw the last remaining bottle of “Penot [sic!] Palin* White Wine” in a local grocer’s alcohol isle.
Laburp! Because you’ll drink anything. I mean, come on— it had to be a collector’s item the day it hit the shelf, if only for the fact that it was apparently bottled nearly half empty— the twist-off cap is still in pristine condition. The irony— it toys with me.
And the freakin’ label! “Armed With NRA Pride.” “Tea Party Value Whine [sic]! “I’m A Shining Star.” Seriously? And The Christian Fish, studded with diamonds? Okay, maybe cubic zirconia. But still.
A signature label! And it looks like “Sarah” is misspelled. And a “quote” from Fux Noise president and mobile food locker, Roger Ailes— surrounding a surreal portrait of the snowbilly grifter doin’ the rubber face! I woulda paid the $81.89 sticker for this; but 40% off $11.89— I woulda bought a case.
And yeah of course I had already thought a half dozen times that hell no, some dickweed snark-shark was hiding nearby with a video camera, just to see who bought this bottled urine sample.
No proof reader? I can only believe a bonafide tea-billy did the copy work here, maybe Palin herself— what with the half a dozen brutally ugly typos on the back label alone.
Because after reading every word on both labels, I think I’m gonna havta side with Roger Ailes, who reportedly said Palin is a “stupid idiot.”
What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
“‘Refudiate,’ ‘misunderestimate,’ ‘wee-wee’d up.’ English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too.
Got to celebrate it!”
* Penot [sic] Palin— no doubt pronounced, “Pee not Palin”