BLOWFISH: TRUMPBLOWFISH Megazine always features a human blowfish on the cover.

It’s a thing I do; subscribe to weird magazines.  BLOWFISH has been publishing for a few years now, but wasn’t one of my favorites until this issue.  Like a lot of Democrats and Independents, I like my blowfish with a nice caper tartar sauce.  And like an increasing number of Republicans, I loath the two-legged variety that wears silk ties made in China.

When I was a kid “summering” in the torpid backwaters of the Illinois River, my best friend Philip and I would spend countless hours fishing from my dad’s homemade green fishing boat.  Various species of fish populated the sloughs and shores where we fished, but the blowfish, being a saltwater creature, was not among them.  Truth is, I never heard of blowfish until I joined the Navy;  it turns out the Navy was full of human blowfish.  But shit, that’s another story.

When you say blowfish, most people think of the poisonous pufferfish, or Fugu.  It’s a big family, and the members are variously called pufferfish, puffers, balloonfish, blowfish, bubblefish, bloatfish, bloaters, globefish, swellfish, toadfish, toadies, honey toads, sugar toads, and what the hell is that??   And now, you can add Trumpfish to the list.  

In the BLOWFISH interview, Donald If-His-Lips-Are-Moving-He’s-Lying Trump didn’t really cover any new ground, just the usual scorched earth bravado of recent weeks liberally peppered with the phrases, “I’m tremendously wealthy,”  “that I will tell you,” and “believe me.”  But what was interesting was how transparently stupid he sounds when he, you know, talks; even when he’s just tweeting like an infantile buffoon.

Blowfish bellies are covered with small, short spines, not unlike the soft underbellies of politicians.  The spines make it tough to penetrate their vulnerable underbellies, making their gut more or less impervious to the world around them.  A lot of critics look at Trump and just see a mouthy, out-of-touch troglodyte, pushing his brand into our national political debate as if it were just another marketing opportunity.  Yeah; there’s that.  But there’s an increasing number of Democrats who see his “campaign” as a gift-blowfish;  a surefire victory for anyone the Democrats will nominate to run against whomever emerges from the Republican Clown Car.
Hmm.  How wrong can they be.

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