Pressin’ The Chikin Franchise Flesh

Cow Shit

Mr. and Mrs. Scott Pruitt pressed some “CHIKIN” franchise flesh recently, while spreading a little moral turpitude in Morocco.*


MOROCCO, IN — Last year, our gallant EPA head, Scott Pruitt, had a chance to “talk about Morocco’s free-trade agreement and the benefits of natural gas.”  Ha ha hah hah hah hah.  I just spilled hot coffee on myself.
You may recall the well-planned junket started out with a “snag,” as the whole  friggin’ entourage was forced to endure two whole days in Paris, France at high-end hotels, shopping and dining.   Pruitt later insisted he spent at least fifteen minutes promoting exports for U.S. energy firms;  Pruitt added, “It mayeh even bin twinny minutes;  I wuz so busy I really wuzn’t watchin’ the tineh hands on mah watch.”

Congressional estimates put the cost of the trip at a whopping $40,000, but actually, no;  the EPA spent more than $100,000 on Pruitt’s trip, according to the Washington Post.  Google it.

What’s worse, reckless taxpayers have unwittingly spent nearly $3.5 million alone over the past year on Mr. Pruitt’s eight-man security detail, far more than the cost of protecting his less-important predecessors, according to figures released by yeah, the Environmental Protection Agency.  But the taxpayers are to blame for that too, since a few of them have yelled obscenities at Scott while he was tooling through the airport, causing him to let go of a little pee in public.

So Scott’s security budget metes out $2,726,719 in wages for the nineteen heavily armed agents that protect him 24-7, and a measly $763,000 on their travel expenses.  Paris ain’t cheap, these days 🤑.  But the actual cost might be even higher, because the estimates don’t include training, equipment, vehicle costs, and uh, assorted distractions.

🐔 🐔 🐔

Little Scottie Pruitt takes a swig of warm spit from a super-size-me Chik-Fil-A cup.

Little Scottie Pruitt prepares to take a big swigga warm spit spritzer— his beverage of choice when out rubbin’ chikin parts with the great unwashed— from a super-size-me Chik-Fil-Up cup.

All this classy backstory is to say that Scott Pruitt requires a few extra simoleons if he wants to continue living in the tasty style to which he has become accustomed.
No surprise then, that Scottie has been using EPA resources to ferret out. . .   a Chic-Fil-A franchise? for ah, the Mrs.  . . .  You heard me right, she apparently really likes da “chikin.”
The duo recently launched a CHIKIN FLESH TOUR, visiting Chick-Fil-A’s around the country, and kicking it off in, wait for it— Chick-Fil-A in Morocco—  Indiana.


The Pruitts have also been splashin’ in the news lately thanks to his quest for a used Trump International Hotel mattress.

Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Scott Pruitt describes the proper thickness of a used pillow-top mattress cover, during a hearing of the House Energy and Commerce Committee Subcommittee on Environment, on Capitol Hill.

No palatable reason was given why Pruitt was looking for a used Trump mattress, but “The administrator had spoken with someone at the Trump hotel who indicated that there could be a mattress— an lightly used mattress— sold “as is”— that he could purchase at a very, very reasonable price;  (Fabriqué En Chine).

Pruitt has dedicated his tenure at the EPA to reversing Obama-era measures meant to combat climate change, drawing sharp rebuke from the scientific community and sane people.


*Morocco, Indiana.


The Buffooning Of America #45

The Buffooning Of America #021: Trump's public display of Erectile Overcompensation

Another of Trump’s embarrassing public displays ( no, not the constant display of his shortest digit) of erectile overcompensation; don’t even ask about Pence.

The buffooning* of America is well underway, and it’s not pretty.

Erectile overcompensation is just one example of the buffooning of America, but e.overcompensation is not a disease, merely a symptom.  Its “victims,” (like Donald Trump), are generally oblivious of its not so subtle public manifestations.

In, “Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism,” Sandy Hotchkiss and James F. Masterson characterized the Seven Sins this way:

Shamelessness:  Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.

Magical thinking:  Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking.  [I Alone Can Solve]  They also use projection to “dump” shame upon others.

Arrogance:  A narcissist who is feeling deflated may “re-inflate” their sense of self-importance by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else. [Take Your Pick]
Buffooning America

Envy:  A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability by using contempt to minimize the other person or their achievements. [Birtherism to Baldwinism]

Entitlement:  Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special.  Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an “awkward” or “difficult” person.  Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage. [Fabulous. Give him the Nuclear Codes.]

Exploitation:  Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests.  [Other nations, you’ve been warned.]  Often the other person is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible.  [Take your bill for services rendered and shove it.] Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.

Bad boundaries:  Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. [So he can grab your pussy— whether you have one or not.]  Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. [Losers.] Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.

[Psychoanalyst Otto Kernberg thought a “malignant narcissistic criminal” could be characterised by a disregard of others, unless— they could be idealised as sources of narcissistic supply.  Heinz Kohut  “saw those with narcissistic personality disorder as disintegrating mentally when cut off from a regular source of narcissistic supply.” Still, those who provided the “supply” might end up being treated as merely a part of the narcissist, in a collapse of “personal boundaries.”]


Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a long-term pattern of abnormal behavior characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration. . .

Bwaahaahaaahaaa!  Now who could that be. . . could it be. . . Satan?!?  Damned straight, but no;  it’s, “I’m like, a smart guy, okay? I don’t need to be told the same stuff everyday” hisself.


People affected by it often spend a lot of time thinking about achieving power or success, or about their appearance. They often take advantage of the people around them.

You didn’t really think that hair spectacle happens all by itself every morning, did you?  And do you think a perfectionist who worries about power lines being seen from his golf courses accidentally ties his Cha-China-made ties 8 inches too long every fucking day??

unprincipled narcissist: including antisocial features. A charlatan—is a fraudulent, exploitative, deceptive and unscrupulous individual.

Stop reading now if you think the Trump University capitulation was just a convenience settlement and get back under your rock. And all yooz who wuz stiffed for your services, it’s time to move on to watching your country get stiffed— for reals.

amorous narcissist: including histrionic features.  The Don Juan or Casanova of our times—is erotic, an exhibitionist.

And yeah, a total pussy grabber. . . of someone else’s daughters.  And he’s gonna be suing the hell outa all of them very soon now, believe me, that I can tell you.

Compensatory narcissist: including negativistic (passive-aggressive), avoidant features.

“Compensation” can cover up either real or imagined deficiencies, and personal or physical inferiority. Put another way:  he had to make his own ties.

elitist narcissist: Corresponds to Wilhelm Reich‘s “phallic narcissistic” personality type.

Not only does Trump have the best words, he also has the best genes, too;  just ask him if you dare, fellow mongrel.
But the Phallic narcissist is, I think you’ll agree, is one who has to have the longest, you know, thing hanging from their double chinwag:

A hypothesis on the implications of the findings of Narcissistic Personality Disorder hold that a two-step sequence of narcissistic development, followed by object libidinal development, occurs in the oral, anal, and phallic erotogenic zones.  This hypothesis suggests the idea of three different types of Narcissistic Personality Disorders, the oral, the anal, and the phallic varieties, but there are certainly examples of all three disorder types manifest in the same individual;  watch out for those motherfuckers, I’m telling you.

Get off my tie lawn!


* Buffooning” transitive verb;  and yes it’s a real word because I said so.


Huge Hot Dog Recall Affects GOPPER RNC Convention

GOP CONVENTION HOT DOG RECALLDenial is not just a huge piles of dick-like thingies onstage at the RNC Convention.

CLEVELAND — Shocking to no one, Tuesday night’s RNC tRumpus Room fadoodle had a few glitches.  In a two hour “elephant in the room” moment, Arizona state senator Kimberly Lee was obliged to speak while ignoring the really HUGE pile of orange-ish huge “hot dogs” immediately behind the mainstage speaker’s podium.

But sharp-eyed attendees were not thus obligated.  “Thazza huuuge pile ah dicks!” mansplained Wade Wrightin, a Rubio delegate from, yes, Dogtown, Florida.  Margie Rinn, a Trump delegate from Sanitorium, Mississippi, (you can’t make this up), was quick to correct Mr. Wrightin: “Thazz no pile a dicks, you cracker!  Those’r giant dealdoes the librul haters dumped on Trump!  They should be killt!”

Ms Lee soldiered on, seemingly oblivious to the several hundred pounds worth of flaccid silicone silently punning away behind her. Of course, nobody in the room remembered Trump’s ballsy defense of the size of his huge hot dog:

I mean come on; that was five months ago.


In a related story:  As a little crane hoisted off the offending phalluses one by fricking one, excited Trumpeters began circulating a message;  it seems all the concession stands were out of, mmyeah, hot dogs.  And what’s more, nation-wide, upwards of 370,000 pounds of chicken and pork hot dogs and corn dogs— and that includes “Honey Batter Dipped Franks On A Stick”— could be “adulterated” with Listeria monocytogenes,¹ according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Food Safety and Inspection Service, or. you know, (FSIS).*

So guess how long it took the crowd to not only blame the hot dog shortage on “ISIS,” but also the pile of pricks on the stage. . .

¹ Consumption of food contaminated with L. monocytogenes can cause listeriosis, a serious infection that primarily affects older adults, persons with weakened immune systems, and pregnant women and their newborns. Less commonly, persons outside these risk groups are affected.  Oh, and there’s this:  Norovirus Outbreak Confirmed Among Republican Convention Staffers

* Oops.  Sorry, hot dog eaters, but 29.4% of the sentences above contain more than 20 words, which is slightly more than the recommended maximum of 25% for imbeciles.




Oh come on.  Don’t try to tell me you didn’t know this kind of stuff would come out of the woodwork once “The (Prima) Donald” became the presump.  But if it makes you feel better, just pretend it’s a photoshop.¹

ACUNA, MEXICO —   Ciudad Acuña is the fastest growing city in Mexico you’ve never heard of.  You wouldn’t know it, to look at what’s left of the place after an F3* fucked the place up a few years ago;  but more than a couple United States presidents have nom nomed tacos in this town.

For some dam reason there was Dwight, then LBJ, then Tricky Dick, and finally, “Beeel.”  You know Bill;  Hillary‘s “Bill.”  Hillary Bill. Hillary Billary.  Billary.  Huh.

Where's BillAnyway, so “Wherrre’s Beeeel.”  Well.  Bill’s been hidin’.  In Acuña.  Where the living is cheap, the tacos are fresh, and “the womens” are friendly.  Now now;  I know what you’re thinking;  but some say Bill’s not nearly as “undisciplined” as he once was.  At least not all the time.  He’s still gotta little mojo squirrelled away in a not-so-secret account presidents call “political capital.”

That’s a euphemism for political credit, of course, thus Bill be chillin’ on that cred until Hill brings home the political bacon in November.  Still, being a “spousal campaign surrogate” is hard work, so he’ll be hittin’ up some Jersey boys and girls this Friday.  Because:  too much money flowing into the Clinton Foundation campaign coffers is not a real thing.

So once he gets the toiletries squared away back in his old bathroom, expect to see the “First Dude” doing a lot of globetrotting;  instead of just loitering around the Oval pushing KFC secret-recipe through his pyloric sphincter.  He’ll soon be a special V.I.P. U.S. envoy, sent by Hillary on peacemaking expeditions, diplomatic vacations, or even trouble-shooting jaunts to those many war-torn, oil-producing, shitstorm nations drowning in riyals and dinars.  It’s also possible he’ll be in full philanthropy mode for his the family’s private foundation.

Who knows;  he may even see daddy Estaban, again.

“Beeel was a foool for blownds”

¹  Our perfunctory inclusion of “what a pussy” Donald Trump, who regularly incites political violence,  is a serial liarrampant xenophoberacistmisogynist and birther, who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims — 1.6 billion members of an entire religion — from entering the U.S.

*  An “F3” on the Fujita scale.