Pressin’ The Chikin Franchise Flesh

Cow Shit
Mr. and Mrs. Scott Pruitt pressed some “CHIKIN” franchise flesh recently, while spreading a little moral turpitude in Morocco.*


MOROCCO, IN — Last year, our gallant EPA head, Scott Pruitt, had a chance to “talk about Morocco’s free-trade agreement and the benefits of natural gas.”  Ha ha hah hah hah hah.  I just spilled hot coffee on myself.
You may recall the well-planned junket started out with a “snag,” as the whole  friggin’ entourage was forced to endure two whole days in Paris, France at high-end hotels, shopping and dining.   Pruitt later insisted he spent at least fifteen minutes promoting exports for U.S. energy firms;  Pruitt added, “It mayeh even bin twinny minutes;  I wuz so busy I really wuzn’t watchin’ the tineh hands on mah watch.”

Congressional estimates put the cost of the trip at a whopping $40,000, but actually, no;  the EPA spent more than $100,000 on Pruitt’s trip, according to the Washington Post.  Google it.

What’s worse, reckless taxpayers have unwittingly spent nearly $3.5 million alone over the past year on Mr. Pruitt’s eight-man security detail, far more than the cost of protecting his less-important predecessors, according to figures released by yeah, the Environmental Protection Agency.  But the taxpayers are to blame for that too, since a few of them have yelled obscenities at Scott while he was tooling through the airport, causing him to let go of a little pee in public.

So Scott’s security budget metes out $2,726,719 in wages for the nineteen heavily armed agents that protect him 24-7, and a measly $763,000 on their travel expenses.  Paris ain’t cheap, these days 🤑.  But the actual cost might be even higher, because the estimates don’t include training, equipment, vehicle costs, and uh, assorted distractions.

🐔 🐔 🐔

Little Scottie Pruitt takes a swig of warm spit from a super-size-me Chik-Fil-A cup.
Little Scottie Pruitt prepares to take a big swigga warm spit spritzer— his beverage of choice when out rubbin’ chikin parts with the great unwashed— from a super-size-me Chik-Fil-Up cup.

All this classy backstory is to say that Scott Pruitt requires a few extra simoleons if he wants to continue living in the tasty style to which he has become accustomed.
No surprise then, that Scottie has been using EPA resources to ferret out. . .   a Chic-Fil-A franchise? for ah, the Mrs.  . . .  You heard me right, she apparently really likes da “chikin.”
The duo recently launched a CHIKIN FLESH TOUR, visiting Chick-Fil-A’s around the country, and kicking it off in, wait for it— Chick-Fil-A in Morocco—  Indiana.


The Pruitts have also been splashin’ in the news lately thanks to his quest for a used Trump International Hotel mattress.

Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Scott Pruitt describes the proper thickness of a used pillow-top mattress cover, during a hearing of the House Energy and Commerce Committee Subcommittee on Environment, on Capitol Hill.

No palatable reason was given why Pruitt was looking for a used Trump mattress, but “The administrator had spoken with someone at the Trump hotel who indicated that there could be a mattress— an lightly used mattress— sold “as is”— that he could purchase at a very, very reasonable price;  (Fabriqué En Chine).

Pruitt has dedicated his tenure at the EPA to reversing Obama-era measures meant to combat climate change, drawing sharp rebuke from the scientific community and sane people.


*Morocco, Indiana.


Prove you're human: leave a comment.