Thank God it’s Friday.

Unless, of course, you don’t believe in God. In that case, thank the total chance existence of a great sequencer of an apparently infinite number of sequential moments of reality that, lucky for us, somehow attaches to— and brings forth out of nothing?— the individual consciousness of billions of sentient beings on this planet, and no doubt many trillions more …

A Friday Message From Your Emperor

Hello American people, as I begin my very important first trip to another great hemisphere, I want to tell you that I will be thinking and working for you while I’m busy doing other things, believe me.

CRAPPY MAKEUP • TINY DIGITS • EVIL MINDS

  HOMS, SYRIA — Across America there are still many thousands of imbecilic children of voting age who actually believe Donald J. Trump when he claims video of Syrian children being gassed really changed him.  This, from a person who publicly stated his disgust over a mother being excused from a courtroom to pump breast milk to nurse her baby. But babies …

CRUCIFIXION!

EDITOR’S NOTE: Historians are largely in agreement that the crucifixion of Jesus Christ probably occurred on Nisan 14, (April 7), according to the Gospel of John. The Urantia Book confirms this date, expanding the information to include many details of the events which unfolded during those monumental days around April, 7, A.D. 30. The following account is from a recently …

This Week In Fake Fake News

WASHINGTON D.C. — Now that we have a self-flagellating Liar-in-Chief who plays golf every week on your dime and has blown out the first family security budget in less than two months just to keep Milania a safe distance from his gelatinous girth, we can get on with trying to figure out what “alternative facts” are simply fake news, and what stories are actually …

Nobody Does It Better Than Trump

The list of Trump claims above is not simply campaign braggadocio;  nor is it just a collection of obvious lies; it is an alarming indictment of his mental health, every claim more ridiculous and false than the last. Nobody knew how deeply troubled Trump really was until he ran for office. Nobody knew how quickly he could tell one lie after another, …

LIAR Chooses Conway Over Trump

Someone remembered that Kellyanne Conway, counselor to the #FakePresident, lies just as much but a lot more cleverly than her cheeto daddy does.