The Tiny Penis Triumvirate

Tiny Penis Sean Tucker DrudgeTucker “Teeny-Weenie” Carlson, Matthew “Mighty Dong” Drudge,
and Sean “Stinger” Hannity with their tiny penis mini-me partners.

 

Before you know it, it’s going to be February again.  And February is Tiny Penis Month, but I bet you knew that.  This year, there’s a three way tie for Tiniest Penis In Media, and of course the media is all engorged over it.  So lock and load, the “winners” are, in order of phallic magnitude:

Matthew Drudge.  In 2006, TIME Magazine named Matthew Drudge one of the 100 most influential people in the world, describing The Drudge Report as “A ludicrous combination of gossip, political intrigue, and extreme weather reports … still put together mostly by the guy who started out as a convenience-store clerk.” Yeah, they forgot “lies,” but.

Sean Hannity.  In 2013, Talkers Magazine listed Sean Hannity as #2 on their “Heavy Hundred” list of the 100 most “important” radio talk show hosts in America.  Inexplicably, the same magazine gave Hannity their “Freedom of Speech” Award in 2003.  And now in 2014, the price of a bucket of warm Elmer Fudd spit has eclipsed the value of their award, as well as any supposed importance of Right Wing Wadio Wackows.

Tucker Carlson.  Oh, and every year, Tucker Carlson is an increasingly tiny dick.  That is all.

 

Insane Repugs We Have Known

Featured

Inhofe Bobble HeadJames Mountain Inhofe may not be the craziest tool currently in the Repug Shed, but he’ll serve as a fitting representative bobble-head for the whole lot of them in our year-end retrospective of some of the more insane Repugs we’ve enjoyed pillorying in 2012.

The new year always bring fresh opportunities for renewal and success, but 2013— and well, every year— is also guaranteed to bring US another twelve month’s worth of shockingly insane shenanigans by actually elected Repuglicants, wannabe elected Reptilicans, along with the usual dung-cart load of Right Wing media pundicks and professional bloviators.  The clock is ticking down, so let’s not waste another minute.  Here in no particular order, of course, are some of our favorite insane Repugs, depicted in our favorite way:

McGrahamPerennial top-tear favorites, Miss Lindsey Graham, and still animated corpse, John McCain

 

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds;
our planet is the mental institution of the universe.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

DullDuoThere’s no denying we dodged a very expensive corporate fusillade when we voted to throw this flaccid duo on the dung heap of political effluvia.

 

The [politicians] of today think deeply instead of clearly.
One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane.”
Nikola Tesla

 

The Leader BonerNo, that’s not a carrot.  John Boehner was, until recently, the undisputed leader of all that wreaks crazy on the Hill. But times are changing, and an eight inch proboscis doesn’t carry the weight it once did, especially with the elephantine Tea Bag trunks that are wagging today.

 

Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation can be trusted to act humanely
or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear
.”
Bertrand Russell, Unpopular Essays

 


Mitch McDumpty
 
Mitch McDumpty sat on the wall,
Mitch McDumpty did nothing at all.
All the GOP asses— all the GOP men—
Did nothing to help the people again.

 

Newt LIARNewton Leroy Gingrich would have been the most insane Philanderer-in-Chief evah, in Washington, or Moon Base 1.

*

Jan "Crypt Bitch" BrewerJan Brewer ran unopposed for our unofficial but heart-felt finger-wagging award as the Rudest Bitch in Government.  Rudest Bitch Not in Government was a three-way tie between Mr. Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, and Pam Geller.

While we’re talking bitches:

hannity usaSean Hannity, another perennial fave, makes our list every year as “The Transparently Stupid Guy Who Tries The Hardest Not To Appear Transparently Stupid.”

 

The stuff that comes out of Sean Hannity’s mouth has been infuriating. The stuff that Bill O’Reilly says has been illogical. You go up and down the schedule and it’s insanity over there. The number of lies, perpetuated, promoted by Fox News is just shameful and it hurts everybody.”
—David Shuster

 

Insane Repugs: Go little doggiesSean and Bill gitty-up;  no, those are toy guns.

 

FUX Newz StoogesThe Three Fux Stooges

Bachmann's Tea Party SausageWe admit to heart palpitations over the closeness of Michele Bachmann’s last race;  cuz we need one totally insane person in the Congress just so we never let up on our efforts to, well, get all the insane people out of Congress.

 

 “The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority,
but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.”

—Marcus Aurelius

 

tRump DumpNobody moves the insane in the membrane goalposts farther or faster than Donald tRump, who just cancelled construction on his insane, literally underwater, 24 million dollar boondoggle “catering hall.”

 

We are in the process of creating what deserves to be called the idiot culture. Not an idiot sub-culture, which every society has bubbling beneath the surface and which can provide harmless fun; but the culture itself. For the first time, the weird and the stupid and the coarse are becoming our cultural norm, even our cultural ideal.”
Carl Bernstein

 

 Limbaugh, you treasonous fuckstick. Instant karma's gonna get you.Just W.T.F.

Prisoner RoveKarl you ignorant slut. You look perfect in prison orange.

 

In America, the criminally insane rule and the rest of us,
or the vast majority of the rest of us, either do not care,
do not know, or are distracted and properly brainwashed into acquiescence
.”
Kurt Nimmo

 

Hucka-Chick-FiletHucka-Chickabee is off the diet and on the crazy train again with his insane comments over the Newtown massacre.  His dependability as a nut job is often staggering, but now it’s also caused by his gross tonnage.

 Presi-Queen Palin and her CourtResplendent in her make-believe Presi-Queen victory dress over First Runner-up Loser Carrie What’s-her-name and Second Runner-up Loser Willard Romney, Sarah wore an elegant strapless gown with a fitted ruched bodice accented with gorgeous lace piquewadeens¹ and hand-beaded details;  the silk and taffeta fabric was spun exclusively for Mrs Palin by 100% American Evangelical silk worms.  Romney’s dress, on the other hand, was valued at over $14 million dollars, and was custom made on Planet Kolob from pure unrefined evil.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.”
—Frank Zappa

I’m already feeling a deep disturbance in the Force, so Ima stop here.

Best Wishes for a fabulous and progressively great new year, because we have no choice.
Power to the People.
Live in Light and Love.

 

 

 

¹ Yeah we make shit up.

Ricks v. Fux News (Update)

While I’ve never been a fan of Pulitzer Prize winner Tom Ricks, whom I’ve always considered a deferential Pentagon Village groupie, he deserves mega props for sticking it to Fux News today.

Fux tries to sell itself as a serious news program during the midday hours when it isn’t featuring Rethug propagandists like O’Reilly, Hannity, Van Sustern, and the Fux Force Five. One of its supposed objective news anchors, Jon Scott, was gobsmacked today when Ricks spoke truth to power and called out Fux for being the propaganda arm of the GOP. (Actually, I think it’s the other way around, but we’ll let that go for now.)

HuffPo quotes Ricks:

“I think Benghazi was generally hyped by this network especially,” Ricks said. He added that he thought McCain seemed to be “backing off” from criticizing Rice since “the campaign [was] over.

When you have four people dead for the first time in more than 30 years, how do you call that hype?” Scott said, pushing back against Rice’s [sic] characterization of the network’s coverage.

Ricks compared the situation to security contractors who were killed in Iraq. He described the attack in Benghazi as a “small fire-fight” and added, “I think the emphasis on Benghazi has been extremely political, partly because Fox is operating as the wing of the Republican Party.

Obviously, Scott’s talking points didn’t anticipate Ricks’ bald faced truth, and he terminated the interview after only 90 seconds.

Heh.

UPDATE: 11/28/12   Ricks denies Fux News’ claim that he later apologized for his remarks. Huffpo reports:

On Tuesday, Ricks and Fox News were still feuding. Fox News’ executive VP of news editorial Michael Clemente told the Hollywood Reporter that Ricks “apologized in our offices afterward but doesn’t have the strength of character to do that publicly.”

Ricks denied an apology ever took place. In an email to the Hollywood Reporter, Ricks wrote, “Please ask Mr. Clemente what the words of my supposed apology were. I’d be interested to know. Frankly, I don’t remember any such apology.”

UPDATE: 11:30 a.m. — TVNewser spoke with Clemente, who told the site that he would “refresh [Ricks’] memory” on the apology. After the segment, Clemente said that Ricks told Fox News staffers, “Sorry … I’m tired from a non-stop book tour.” Clemente added, “Perhaps now he can finally get some rest.”

UPDATE: 6:20 p.m. — Ricks emailed Clemente on Tuesday afternoon to clarify that he did not apologize after his interview with Fox News. See a copy of his email below:

Mr. Clemente,

To clarify my comments for you: I did not apologize.

As it happened, I ran into Bret Baier as I emerged from the interview. We know each other from working at the Pentagon. He asked if I was serious in saying that Fox had hyped Bengahzi, and I said I was. We discussed that. It was cordial exchange. (I wouldn’t mention this private conversation except that you apparently are quoting my hallway conversations as part of your attack.)

Later, as I was leaving, the booker or producer (I am not sure what her title was) said she thought I had been rude. I said I might have been a bit snappish because I am tired of book tour. This was in no way an apology but rather an explanation of why I jumped a bit when the anchor began the segment with the assertion that pressure on the White House was building—which it most clearly was not.

Note to Fux News: By all means, keep ignoring the First Rule of Holes.

Mitt Channels Yogi

Jon Stewart asks Willard about his doublethink proposals: Are you a wizard…or a liar?

“I really didn’t say everything I said. […] Then again, I might have said ’em, but you never know.” Yogi Berra

“I’m not familiar precisely with what I said, but I’ll stand by what I said, whatever it was.” –Mitt Romney, to Shawn of the Dead Hannity

 

It became obvious long ago that a fundamental component of the Romney campaign strategy is to spend a billion dollars fusing three of the most effective propaganda techniques ever devised by man: repetition, the Big Lie, and doublethink.

George Orwell in his novel Nineteen Eighty-Four provides some background:

“The key-word here is blackwhite. Like so many Newspeak words, this word has two mutually contradictory meanings. Applied to an opponent, it means the habit of impudently claiming that black is white, in contradiction of the plain facts.”

[…]

Definition of doublethink: “To tell deliberate lies while genuinely believing in them, to forget any fact that has become inconvenient, and then when it becomes necessary again, to draw it back from oblivion for just so long as it is needed….”

Not only has Merry-Go-Round-Now-Moderate-Mitt flip flopped on a plethora of issues, the latest being his position on abortion as he explained it to the Des Moines Register yesterday, but he lies unreMITTingly, not only about the Obama Administration’s record, but his own as well.

As has been said here and elsewhere many times, Willard will say anything to anyone at any time if he thinks it will move him one step closer to the White House. Last week’s debate is a prime example, with Romney telling a series of lies and propagating over two dozen “myths”  some of which  we documented here.

While the establishment media hasn’t been completely absent in noting some of his more egregious lies and flip flops, their record so far has been anemic, reflected in those polls that ask the public about their knowledge of, or more accurately, their level of confusion about specific issues. (The more common “horse race” polls also reflects this ignorance but to a lesser extant, given that they include subjective issues like a candidate’s “likability.”)

The big post-election question for the media is whether the Fourth Estate will live up to its structural responsibility for separating truth from fiction from downright lies. If it doesn’t, we will have completed the transition from the Walter Cronkite era, characterized by a non-profit, non-partisan approach to news and information; to the Rupert Murdoch era, where “news”– more accurately, “infotainment”– is merely the vehicle for propagating a larger corporatist agenda.

We begun and now end with a Yogi-ism that Willard has internalized to perfection, becoming its very embodiment:

When you come to a  fork in the road, take it.

 

Mittens Has No Core

Mittens takes the missionary position…except when he doesn’t

As has been demonstrated numerous times by Willard Mitt Romney himself, the man has no core. To repeat what we’ve said here:

Consider his ongoing plethora of policy flip-flops, of his penchant for saying whatever a particular audience wants to hear, no matter how much it conflicts with his previous positions to previous audiences.

For instance, in an interview he did with Sean Hannity in February, he suggested that Obama’s relationship with his former pastor, the Rev. Jerimiah Wright, was fair game in the 2012 presidential election:

“…Judeo Christian philosophy is an integral part of our foundation…I’m not sure which is worse. Him listening to Reverend Wright, or him saying we should be less a Christian nation.”

Can’t recall Obama ever saying or even remotely implying anything like that. But that’s how the Rethug narrative rolls: say whatever is necessary to move discussion away from the real to the imagined, from the actual present to a fantasized, idealized past or future.  In other words, whatever is necessary to confirm the daily Rethug talking points.

From ABC News:

“I’m not familiar with precisely what I said, but I stand by what I said, whatever it was. I’ll go back and take a look at what was said there.”

Romney’s explanation today fit right into a frame opponents have tried to put around him – that he doesn’t know what he supports and what he opposes….

Imagine that.

See, that’s the major problem with lying. After a while, the sheer quantity of lies becomes a house of cards, dependent on what went before. Remove even one card from the stack, and the whole house comes a tumblin’ down. Hard to keep track, as former Nixon counselor John Dean said in defense of his decision to come clean with the American people and the world at large. No wonder Romney’s handlers are working overtime to make sure that he is insulated from the press as much as possible, to “availabilities” that are strictly scripted and controlled.

As ABC News points out, the Obama campaign was all over Romney’s response:

“Today, Mitt Romney had the opportunity to distance himself from his previous attempts to inject the divisive politics of character assassination into the presidential race,” read a statement from Obama campaign spokesman Ben LaBolt. “It was a moment that required moral leadership, and once again he didn’t rise to the occasion.”

Question: When did pointing out an obvious flaw in an opposing candidate’s assertions become “character assassination?”

Answer:  When the object is a Rethug on the hot seat, of course.

Question:   When did you,  Governor Romney, as the former CEO of a corporate chop shop, ever demonstrate moral leadership?

Answer: ???????????????????

Inquiring minds would like to know.  I’m sure that the Obama Administration would relish any opportunity to compare instances of their moral leadership to that of former vulture capitalist, Willard Mitch Romney.

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Mankind’s struggle to perfect government on Urantia has to do with perfecting channels of administration, with adapting them to  ever-changing current needs, with improving power distribution within government, and then with selecting such administrative leaders as are truly wise.  

The political or administrative form of a government is of little consequence provided it affords the essentials of civil progress — liberty, security, education, and social co-ordination. It is not what a state is but what it does that determines the course of social evolution. And after all, no state can transcend the moral values of its citizenry as exemplified in their chosen leaders. Ignorance and selfishness will insure the downfall of even the highest type of government. 

-The Urantia Book