Fourth-Degree Burns Not Torture

hannity usa
A courageous Sean Hannity, Fox News commentator, appeared in public today after voluntarily submitting to “harsh interrogation techniques” for charity, to prove to critics like liberal loudmouth Keith Olbermann of rival network MSNBC, that fourth-degree burns are not torture.


WASHINGTON D.C. — An apparently tough-as-nails Sean Hannity of Fox News has personally undergone what he called a “fair and balanced  interrogation technique” to prove a point:  fourth-degree burns are not torture.  Sporting a huge fourth-degree burn on his right cheek¹, Hannity was adamant:  “harsh techniques” are simply nasty, but necessary techniques for “protecting our freedoms.”

In a move that some are calling deeply disturbed, Hannity arranged to be blow-torched for charity last week to silence “liberal loud-mouth” Keith Olbermann.  Hannity conceived the idea after publicly poo-pooing waterboarding* as torture on his program, saying that it’s a fair and balanced interrogation technique for suspected terrorists, and no big deal.

The Fox News commentator was taunted for weeks by MSNBC anchor Keith Olbermann, who repeatedly questioned Hannity’s manhood after he appeared to renege on an on-air boast to Charles Grodin, saying he would undergo waterboarding for charity:  “I’ll do it for charity … I’ll do it for the troops’ families.”  Olbermann has offered to give a $1000 to charity for every second Hannity allowed himself to be waterboarded.

The blowtorch idea came to Hannity last week while barbecuing, he said.  Waterboarding is just “fake-drowning,” said Hannity. “But burns, they’re the real deal.”

Indeed they are.  Fourth-degree burns damage muscle, tendon and ligament tissue, resulting in charring and, well, catastrophic damage to the hypodermis. Tissue may also be completely burned away, which can threaten life and limb if the wounds or burns are severe enough.

Hannity only submitted to .4 of a second worth of the “fair and balanced” technique, which in real interrogations he admitted may have to be applied “somewhat longer.”

However, it remains unclear if his stunt will silence Olbermann—or anyone else— who considers waterboarding to be torture.

¹ The “burn” was actually applied cosmetically; i.e., it was fake.

*A harsh interrogation technique used by the United States after the 911 attack, thought to be necessary to keep America safe.


  1. Maggie

    I was a follower of Hannity until I saw this picture. I bugged me until I did some research on fourth degree burns. There is no way it is a fourth degree burn, not even likely third; simple research can get you descriptions of what they look like. A fourth degree burn would require graft surgery at a burn hospital and could even be fatal. This is the only picture on the entire internet of his “burn”. He looks like he is going to give a speech but nowhere is there text or video of a speech. No picture of him undergoing the treatment either. Sorry, Sean, I’m voting for makeup. No way you could survive a fourth degree burn without scars. You should have just carried out your offer to be waterboarded; at least you would have been honest and people wouldn’t be nagging you about it four years later.

  2. Well said, Terry!

    You brilliantly sum up what that contemptible piece of excrement is all about, not to mention the rest of the Faux News putrid gang. What asshole rightwingers NEVER stop to think because of their (a) mental/temperamental impairments, (b) susceptibility to idiocy, (c) massive ignorance, which facilitates the prior two “qualities” is that the left was created by the historic grotesque abuses of the right. The right, embedded in institutions like monarchies, slavery, wage slavery, religiosity, and so on, CREATED a response to their institutionalized exploitation and torture of the patient majority until one day they rose to throw the yoke off. That’s in a nutshell. The right’s own perfidy created the left as a remedial reaction to finally stamp out the social cancer.

    Hannity is a true exponent of how much power and money a man can accumulate in a broken culture in which at least half of the nation is mired in stupidity at any given time. And the so-called “liberal” media (mainstream”) are not much better. Their representations of social and political realities are a farce. We need systemic change badly, but that wont happen until we clean up the claptrap oozing out of the media and every other pulpit of misinformation thriving in this besotted land. Incidentally, in an age of crisis, the willful injection of lies into the national debate should be regarded as a crime.

    Sean Lenihan
    Associate Editor
    The Greanville Post

  3. Listen up, IDIOTS: Don’t come here to post ad hominems. If you don’t know what an ad hominem is, look it up. Your junk will be deleted as SPAM.

    If you have any evidence Sean Hannity is something other than a grotesque and spineless worm of a coward, then post it; if not, shut the fuck up and get back to your daily brain-washing at that propaganda shit hole, Fux News.

    UPDATE 10-05-2012: Huh; no defenders yet, and none deleted. I’m shocked.
    UPDATE 10-08-2012: Deleted one name-caller who doesn’t know what ad hominem means; no evidence included.
    UPDATE 12-10-2012: Deleted another name-caller who thinks foul language, not personal insults, should be the arbiter of what constitutes an intelligent, truthful response. All I can say to that is, of course, the old saw, “Fuck you, you fucking fuck.”

    1. I don’t care a wit what Hannity’s teevee ratings are. Lots of stupid people watch stupid people on teevee, and think because lots of them are watching it means the stupid people on teevee have something important to say.

      Sean Hannity is a liar and a coward, in addition to being an under-educated buffoon, who would simply not appear on television at all if it wasn’t for the stupid people running Fux Noize.

    2. James

      It never fails to amaze me how vile the left are in their words and actions. Reviewing “stories” this and the associated posts always makes me feel better about who I am as a person.

  4. Here’s what we’re up against: a rube who failed to meet the minimum requirements for sentience, wandered in here and said:
    “I think that’s a fake job, there’s no way he’d subject himself to a blowtorch. Lame.”

    We’d better make sure a health care bill includes mental health.

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