NATIONAL LAUGHINGSTOCK

NatLaughing StockThis month’s national laughingstock just happens to be an adult crybaby.

This sorry-assed excuse for a magazine found its way into my personal space yesterday.  Not only was it not funny, but it pissed me off in a way that I have seldom experienced since I stopped abusing certain vile foamy liquids and other assorted borderline ingestibles.

Many of you are too young in this adventure to remember National LAMPOON magazine, let alone one of their most memorable covers, from January 1973.  (See it here.)  But unlike that cover, this parody did not make me feel sorry for the Boner-as-victim of his own groveling attempts to destroy the American government and …  you know what, just forget it.

Forget all the antics of the Republican “party” for a moment.  Just answer this question:  Why is a sniveling crybaby the Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States?

Is this really the best creature we can squeeze out of our gene pool?

Apparently it is, so then, go ahead, Repuglican’ts;  do your worst, you catatonic douchebags.

America has it coming.

The World Sheriff— or Rogue Nation?

Obama World SheriffSommmmebody stop mmmmmeee!

(Original image may surprise you.)

Congressman Alan Grayson is catching flack for his arguments against our intervention in Syria.

Grayson sums it up like this:

First, it’s not our responsibility.
Secondly, whatever we do won’t actually accomplish anything useful.
Third, it’s expensive.
And fourth, it’s dangerous.

Let’s clarify.

First, it’s not only our responsibility, it’s every nation’s responsibility.
Secondly, if we do something on our own, we won’t accomplish anything useful, but we will create even more global animosity towards the United States.
Third, yes, bloody expensive.
Fourth, dangerous, foolish, and criminal.

Here is Grayson’s DontAttackSyria.com petition:

“The Administration is considering intervening in the Syrian civil war.  We oppose this.  There’s no vital national security involved.  We are not the world’s policeman, nor its judge and jury. Our own needs in America are great, and they come first.  The death of civilians is always regrettable, and civil war is regrettable, but no Americans have been attacked, and no American allies have been attacked.  The British Parliament understandably has voted not to join in any attack. Notably, defense contractor Raytheon’s stock is up 20% in the last 60 days.  It seems that nobody wants US intervention in Syria except the military-industrial complex.  I oppose US military intervention in Syria.  Join me.”

Ban-Ki-moon, United Nations Secretary-General, said this Tuesday:

“The use of force is lawful only when in exercise of self-defense in accordance with Article 51 of the United Nations Charter and/or when the Security Council approves such action.  That is the firm principle of the United Nations.”

Grayson and others are right:  we “are not the world’s policeman.”  But our membership in the United Nations means we are a cosignatory to a document designed to ensure world law and order, and there are rules, man. . .
If we act unilaterally, or outside of our obligations to the member nations, we are acting as a rogue nation, and committing another* war crime.

It’s time to start demonstrating we can walk the walk of a nation dedicated to world peace.  And that means acting in consort with the decision of United Nations, and then helping to see their legal mandates are carried out.  That means ALL nations have to contribute either boots (with people wearing them), equipment, etc., or MONEY.

It’s time for abandoning the twin sophistries of sovereignty and self-determination.  The nations of the world will finally begin to enjoy peace when they freely surrender their respective sovereignties into the hands of a truly global government— the sovereignty of the brotherhood of mankind.  In this world state, the small nations will be as powerful as the great, even as a small state like Rhode Island has its two senator just the same as the populous state of New York or huge area of Texas.

 Global sovereignty is the only sovereignty that will prevent global wars— nothing else can.  Global wars will go on until the government of mankind is created.  The nations  of the world have not possessed real sovereignty;  they never have had a sovereignty which could protect them from the ravages and devastations of world wars.

In the creation of the global government of mankind, the nations are not giving up sovereignty so much as they are actually creating a real, bona fide, and lasting world sovereignty, which will henceforth be fully able to protect them from all war.  Local affairs will be handled by local governments;  national affairs, by national governments;  international affairs will be administered by global government.

And under a world government, the individual will enjoy far more liberty.  Today, the citizens of the great powers— US— are taxed, regulated, and controlled oppressively, and much of the present interference with our individual liberties will vanish when the national governments are willing to trustee their sovereignty as regards international affairs, into the hands of a true global government.

Under global government ALL national groups will be afforded a real opportunity to realize and enjoy the personal liberties of genuine democracy.  The fallacy of self-determination will be ended.  With global regulation of money and trade will come a new era of world-wide peace.

There simply is no better way to world peace.

You cannot prevent nations going to war as long as they remain infected with the delusional virus of national sovereignty. Internationalism is a step in the right direction. An international police force will prevent many minor wars, but it will not be effective in preventing major wars, conflicts between the great military governments of earth.
The Urantia Book

*Okay, we all can agree poison gas is a Weapon of Mass Destruction.  But so is a hail storm of cruise missiles.  It’s time to outlaw ALL war.
 

Derpy Pancake Bunny Argument Is Invalid

Derpy Alito Pancake Bunny Derp Sammy is a Pancake Bunny.  Your argument is invalid.

WASHINGTON D.C. —  In an increasingly common display of douchey derpiness, Pancake Bunny and Supreme Court Justice Sammy Alito rolled his eyes and wagged his head as Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg read her dissents from the majority in two employee discrimination cases this week, in which the Court ruled— surprise— in favor of employers.* 

Longtime Supreme Court observer and Pancake Bunny-derp expert, Garrett Eppstien-Barr, called it a simple “dickweed-tantrum” and a “childish display of derpy rudeness.”

Go onnnnnnnn, Garrett:

“Alito pursed his lips, rolled his eyes to the ceiling, and shook his head ‘no.'”  He looked for all the world like Sean Penn as Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, signaling to the homies his contempt for Ray Walston as the bothersome history teacher, Mr. Hand.”

He added that Alito’s acting out “brought gasps from more than one person in the audience.”

A couple weeks ago Alito is also said to have rolled his eyes and shook his head while Justice Sonia Sotomayor was speaking, and glowered at Justice Elena Kagan.  “Yeah bitches, I got this,” he muttered under his breath.

And remember a few years ago Alito got his briefs in a twist when President Barack Obama criticized the Court’s Citizens United ruling during the State of the Union address— while in Mr. Alito’s presence.

Are you getting this yet?  Sammy Alito is simply a rude mother fucker.

 

pancake bunny
The original pancake bunny could not be reached for comment¹, but we’re pretty damned sure he would recuse himself on whether or not Alito is as big a derped-up pancake bunny as he appears.

 

 

* (Vance v. Ball State and University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center v. Nassar)

¹ (He’s dead)

LIP SERVICE


Yes, she thinks you think she’s speaking extemporaneously; not reading off a teleprompter.

Never hesitate to admit failure. Make no attempt to hide failure under deceptive smiles
and beaming optimism. It sounds well always to claim success, but the end results are appalling.
Such a technique leads directly to the creation of a world of
unreality and to the inevitable crash of ultimate disillusionment.

— The Urantia Book

STILLWATER, MN —  Resplendent in her foxy* deep blue silk jacket and cultured pearls, Michele Bachmann announced she will not seek another term in the United States Congress.

The Tea Party darling’s very long list of denials about why she is not leaving may become more credible, if and when the rumor we are accused of starting turns out to be true:  that she will be joining “Prancersize” inventor Joanna Rohrback‘s firm as its Presidential “Prancer” and Commander-in-Chief horsey:


Another unfortunate example of Camel Toe.  But all is not lost; watch with the volume off.

And speaking of prancing show horseys…  another angry beaver attacked a man on a roadside near Shestakovskoye lake, west of Minsk, Belarus, slicing through an artery in his leg which caused him to bleed to death.  It was the most recent in a string of angry beaver attacks in Belarus, where the beaver population has tripled in the past decade to around 80,000.  Belarusian beavers can weigh up to 65 pounds and stand three feet high.
Experts say the increase in attacks is largely due to springtime aggression in young beavers that are trying to make a name for themselves and stake out their own territory after being forced to leave home by their parents.  Some older beavers can also become disoriented in life and attack out of fear;  others become bitter and vengeful when faced with the inevitable crash of their ultimate disillusionment.
* Foxy  I.e., Fauxy, Republican shemale drag

FORTY-FIVE ASSHOLES AND COUNTING

46 Assholes

“THEIR BLOOD BE ON US

AND ON OUR CHILDREN”

Assholes Who Voted Against An Amendment Proposed by Sens. Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.) and Pat Toomey (R-Pa.) To Require Background Checks For Commercial Gun Sales¹

Lamar Alexander (ASSHOLE-TN)
Kelly Ayotte (ASSHOLE-NH)
John Barrasso (ASSHOLE-WY)
Max Baucus (ASSHOLE-MT)
Mark Begich (ASSHOLE-AK)
Roy Blunt (ASSHOLE-MO)
John Boozman (ASSHOLE-AR)
Richard Burr (ASSHOLE-NC)
Saxby Chambliss (ASSHOLE-GA)
Dan Coats (ASSHOLE-IN)
Tom Coburn (ASSHOLE-OK)
Thad Cochran (ASSHOLE-MS)
Bob Corker (ASSHOLE-TN)
John Cornyn (ASSHOLE-TX)
Mike Crapo (ASSHOLE-ID)
Ted Cruz (ASSHOLE-TX)
Michael Enzi (ASSHOLE-WY)
Deb Fischer (ASSHOLE-NE)
Jeff Flake (ASSHOLE-AZ)
Lindsey Graham (ASSHOLE-SC)
Chuck Grassley (ASSHOLE-IA)
Orrin Hatch (ASSHOLE-UT)
Heidi Heitkamp (ASSHOLE-ND)
Dean Heller (ASSHOLE-NV)
John Hoeven (ASSHOLE-ND)
Jim Inhofe (ASSHOLE-OK)
Johnny Isakson ASSHOLE-GA)
Mike Johanns (ASSHOLE-NE)
Ron Johnson (ASSHOLE-WI)
Mike Lee (ASSHOLE-UT)
Mitch McConnell (FUKHEAD-KY)
Jerry Moran (ASSHOLE-KS)
Lisa Murkowski (ASSHOLE-AK)
Rand Paul (IDIOT FUKHEAD-KY)
Rob Portman (ASSHOLE-OH)
Mark Pryor (ASSHOLE-AR)
James Risch (ASSHOLE-ID)
Pat Roberts (ASSHOLE-KS)
Marco Rubio (IDIOT ASSHOLE-FL)
Timothy Scott (ASSHOLE-SC)
Jeff Sessions (FUKHEAD-AL)
Richard Shelby (ASSHOLE-AL)
John Thune (ASSHOLE-SD)
David Vitter (ASSHOLE-LA)
Roger Wicker (ASSHOLE-MS)

These despicable assholes and idiots need to be removed from our nation’s government.
Remember this vote on their next election day
Here are their Twitter handles, tell them how you feel about allowing guns to be sold to their fellow assholes and idiots, online and at gun shows:

Harry Reid (D-NV) *

 

Senators Who Voted for the Proposal

Tammy Baldwin (D-WI)
Michael Bennet (D-CO)
Richard Blumenthal (D-CT)
Barbara Boxer (D-CA)
Sherrod Brown (D-OH)
Maria Cantwell (D-WA)
Ben Cardin (D-MD)
Thomas Carper (D-DE)
Bob Casey (D-PA)
Susan Collins (R-ME)
Christopher Coons (D-DE)
William “Mo” Cowan (D-MA)
Mark Kirk (R-IL)
Joe Donnelly (D-IN)
Richard Durbin (D-IL)
Dianne Feinstein (D-CA)
Al Franken (D-MN)
Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)
Kay Hagan (D-NC)
Tom Harkin (D-IA)
Martin Heinrich (D-NM)
Mazie Hirono (D-HI)
Tim Johnson (D-SD)
Timothy Kaine (D-VA)
Angus King (I-ME)
Amy Klobuchar (D-MN)
Mary Landrieu (D-LA)
Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ)
Patrick Leahy (D-VT)
Carl Levin (D-MI)
Joe Manchin (D-WV)
John McCain (R-AZ)
Claire McCaskill (D-MO),
Robert Menendez (D-NJ)
Jeff Merkley (D-OR)
Barbara Mikulski (D-MD)
Christopher Murphy (D-CT)
Patty Murray (D-WA)
Bill Nelson (D-FL)
John Reed (D-RI)
Jay Rockefeller (D-WV)
Bernie Sanders (I-VT)
Brian Schatz (D-HI)
Charles Schumer (D-NY)
Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH)
Debbie Stabenow (D-MI)
Jon Tester (D-MT)
Pat Toomey (R-PA)
Mark Udall (D-CO)
Tom Udall (D-NM)
Mark Warner (D-VA)
Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)
Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI)
Ron Wyden (D-OR)

 

¹  But not for sales between “friends and neighbors.” 

*  More idiocy:  Harry Reid (D-NV)  had to vote “no” as a “procedural move” to preserve an option to reintroduce the bill.

Misanthropic Sociopaths

 

Big Oil Dipsticks: Misanthropic SociopathsIncorrect order from bored shitless to arrogant fuck Misanthropic Sociopaths: Rex Tillerson, CEO of Exxon Mobil, Chevron CEO John Watson, Shell President Marvin Odum, Conoco-Phillips CEO Jim Mulva, BP America Chairman Lamar McKay.