Incorrect order from bored shitless to arrogant fuck Misanthropic Sociopaths: Rex Tillerson, CEO of Exxon Mobil, Chevron CEO John Watson, Shell President Marvin Odum, Conoco-Phillips CEO Jim Mulva, BP America Chairman Lamar McKay.
Category: liars
Hey, People Are Watching NBC Again
Dale “Cashews” Peterson don’t give a rip ’bout no rules.
HOOVER CITY— Yeah hey, some people are watching NBC again.* And the fact is, they might be the same people who thought absent-minded Alabama gun tater tot, Dale Peterson, was absolutely innocent of the most recent shoplifting charges filed against him by some liberal tools who work security at the Hoover City Sam’s Club.
It was jis too “coincidental,” you know; because Peterson-haters been plottin’ on Dale ever since he has been publicly contemplate-ting a run for the presidency— and no, not of the Alabama Agricultural Committee. And no, not of the Public Service Commission of Alabama. But for prisidint of the United States.
Because, Character Assassination. Peterson Haters. Conspiracies. Cashews.
Now it’s a fact it’s crystal clear it’s no coincidence that he’s been arrested for a couple dad-gum shoplifting charges. Dale says in a tweeter, “Sometimes there are coincidences. Sometime there are conspiracies. And sometimes there are just facts. #SomethingAintRight”
Yes. Sometimes there are facts. And sometimes there are conspiracies. And sometimes, things just ain’t right. And sometimes, there are “thugs and criminals” who steal yard signs and who need to be shot in the face. Just maybe not this time.
Oh, yeah, maybe it’s a fact Dale helped himself to a handful of peanuts, or cashews, or some kind of nuts or nut-like substance from a jar, or maybe it was a can he found on some shelf over at neighbor Sam’s place. And he tossed the jar-like thing in his cart and went an did $155 worth of shopping, or was it $750 worth— there are conflicting fact reports— but the fact is by the time he got to the checkout, he realized he didn’t need no more stinkin’ peanuts, or cashews, or whatever, and he was thoughtful an kind enough to restock them— not merely leave them on some random shelf— or shove them aside at the checkout like some thug or criminal might do.
Yes facts are slippery things. And the fact may very well be that Dale Peterson has the recall of a dry-roasted cashew; or meybe a toasted peanut; we jis cain’t rully know fur sure.**
So meybe we need us sum more Peterson mojo:
We’re Republicans, we should be better than that.
Ah will name names and take no prisoners.
—Dale Peterson, lifting a gun to his shoulder
Kathy “Never No Handouts or Laz” Peterson,
and hubby, sahn protictor, and hat enthusiast, Dale
Only one thing is fur sure: someone who was being paid by Sam’s Club to watch for shoplifters was watching Dale Peterson, and they watched him snack on some cashews and then put the jar back on the shelf before he checked out.
Oh, and one other thing for sure. They pride themselves on being tough on thugs and criminals in Alabama, because they “give a rip” about Alabama. So throw the book at that sumbitch.
* No they’re not.
** No llamas contributed to this report.
World of Sequester WarCraft
Homebrew* Eric in his “Young Guns” dungeon, plays World of Sequester WarCraft©
Dick In Undisclosed Location
Ex-president and prosecutable war criminal, Dick Cheney, is reportedly “resting comfortably” at an undisclosed location after an undisclosed “procedure.”
SPECIAL STUPID
THERE’S A SPECIAL KIND OF STUPID out there in “Merca,” and over the last four decades or so, it’s been allowed to proliferate quite unimpeded by other aspects of cultural society, especially by things like intelligence, wisdom, facts, and truth.
The current poster weenie for this affliction is National Rifle Association executive tool, Wayne LaPierre.
LaPi— Mmm. Wait.
Actually, the poster weenie for this affliction is NRA tool, Ted Nugent. But LaPierre is the suit that spouts the crazy at official NRA propaganda sessions. Recently he pointed out to a few Senators that tighter gun control laws aren’t needed— because criminals ignore laws.
“They’re criminals, they’re homicidal maniacs… we all know that homicidal maniacs, criminals, and the insane don’t abide by the law.”
Ah. So, since criminals don’t always follow laws, no new laws (regulation) would work— because criminals break laws— so laws won’t work— because criminals, by definition, break laws— so we shouldn’t resort to laws as a way of trying to regulate or restrain criminals, homicidal maniacs, or the insane, because, you know, laws break.
See?
Ironically, it’s a perfect example of what Right Wing Nut Jobs call “Special Stupid” — a peculiar and tortured logic maze created and justified by fear— and its shadow— hate. It’s simplistic and selfish, and a hypocritical way of negating everything Jesus ever said about loving your neighbor, one another, or, because, foreigners.
But like nearly everything in the lizard brain, the blazing irony of Special Stupid defies not just logic, love, fact, truth, and common sense, but even the most basic level of moral humanity— while assuming the very mantel of superior morality at the point of a gun and wrapped in an American Flag.
And it is this ongoing cultural conundrum of the cold dead values of the past, being inexorably and evermore forcefully supplanted by the progressive values of true brotherhood, which will occupy center stage of American politics until the battle is won. And it will not be won with bullets.
WHO’S FULLABLUSTER?
Who’s fulla bluster?
(Original image)
WASHINGTON D.C. — The reprehensibility bad U. S. Senatorial comedy team of Mitch and Harry reprised one of their most popular routines this week, “Who’s Fullabluster?”
The “gag me with a filibuster” routine goes something like this: Harry tells Mitch about a genuinely good bill he wants to pass, and Mitch replies, “Tell me about it again.” Harry repeats the idea, but upon hearing it again, Mitch jumbles it into utter nonsense, and says there’s no way he’ll ever let it pass, and he’ll filibuster.
Harry says he’ll do it anyway, and announces to the public that he’ll even using the nuclear option if he has to. But Mitch says Harry is being unreasonable, calls him a bunch of names, and threatens to hold his breath until he “turns blue” and passes out; making Harry feel like a bully, irresponsible and embarrassed, and willing to compromise anyway Mitch wants him to, so poor Mitch won’t turn blue.
Like that’s ever going to happen.
Glenn Beck’s Independence, USA!
Frank Zappa called it “Centerville,” Homer Simpson calls it Springfield, Glenn Beck calls it “Independence.”
