McCain Gets End Times Endorsement

A day after the Ohio debate in which MTP’s major scold, Timmeh Russert and presidential rival Hillary Clinton beat up on Obama for being the recipient of some favorable but unsolicited words from Nation of Islam Minister Louis Farrakhan, St. John McCain accepted the support from mega-church magnate and Armageddon promoter, the Rev. John Hagee.

All I can tell you is that I am very proud to have Pastor John
Hagee’s support
,” gushed McCain.

The NY Times describes Hagee as follows:

“. . .a popular televangelist who leads the 18,000- 19,000 member Cornerstone Church in San Antonio, ratcheted up his rhetoric this year with the publication of his book, “Jerusalem Countdown,” in which he argues that a confrontation with Iran is a necessary precondition for Armageddon (which will mean the death of most Jews, in his eyes) and the Second Coming of Christ. In the best-selling book, Hagee insists that the United States must join Israel in a preemptive military strike against Iran to fulfill God’s plan for both Israel and the West.

“The pastor is best known in some Washington circles as a founder of Christians United for Israel and for his belief, as laid out in his book “Jerusalem Countdown” that the end of days scenario as spelled out in the Book of Revelation will occur after Russia, allied with the Islamic world, attacks Israel.

Russia is going to get in that position and they are literally, with all that massive military force, going to attack Israel,” Hagee told ABC News in 2006. “This is recorded in Ezekiel 38 and 39. God himself is literally going to destroy that army. Decimate it.”

[Glenn Greenwald has more on Hagee’s thoughts on Muslims, Catholics, and gay hurricanes. ]

Fast forward to the future.


Rapture Rupture!

Unsuspecting Christians Victims of Alien Black Ops

by Propagandee

WASHINGTON, [C.U. News] — A large segment of the world’s estimated two billion Christians are no longer among us.

“The aliens came like thieves in the night,” reported Pentagon spokesman Hymen Feith, an orthodox Jew. “Apparently, they were abducted by a vast fleet of extraterrestrial spaceships that suddenly appeared in the skies yesterday evening through a previously undetected wormhole over the Arctic.”

“We were facing a severe labor shortage on our world,” explained the Alien Commander Flybotz from the planet Rove. “Our previous work force, er, ..expired,” he added after consulting his translator’s thesaurus.

Using the troposphere as a massive projection screen, the Rovians put on a stunning audio visual holographic light show, backed up by a horn section to die for.

“I was particularly proud of the customized fiery chariots” beamed Production Designer Zybok, describing the evacuation vehicles used to transport the rapturees into the spaceship cargo holds.

Asked what his most difficult challenge was, he replied: “Getting them to don their rapture helmets. They were skeptical at first, but after we explained to their leader, a Rev. Hagee, that the helmets were necessary to dampen the blinding light from their new halos, they readily agreed.”

Commander Flybotz said they were even now enjoying their hyperspace jump back to his home world. “We produced a special inflight movie to keep them happy. Actually, they think it’s a real time satellite feed of the fate of those Left Behind. I don’t want to spoil the ending, but the denouement involves Muslims, giant meat hooks, homosexuals, Urantia Book readers, and a vast burning lake of sulfurous fire.”

When queried about the rapturees’ human rights, Koblotz replied: “Oh, on Planet Rove we believe in democracy. We plan to allow them to vote just as soon they understand what is in their own best interests.”

Film at 11:00. . .

One comment

Prove you're human: leave a comment.