I’m not always comfortable explaining how I happen upon some of the weird magazines I review, and this one is no exception. I will only say I was forced by circumstance to spend a few days in Mike Pence’s hometown, where I found a copy of MAGA MAGAzine; (I see what you did there). But this version of “MAGA” is not Donald TRump’s version; this one claims to be “MAKE AMERICA GLORIOUS ALLELUIA.” My guess was “Make America Grotesque Again.” But yeah that’s already happened.
And yeah, it was dated for November of 2018, but it’s here now, and well, it’s fuckin’ scary. I can see him putting James Dobson in his cabinet as the “Minister of Faith,” as a big fark you to secular America and The Wall… that used to stand between church and state; so much for walls.
Pence has that ultra-pious face-thing going so hard I want to slap him repeatedly with a frozen footlong Indiana State Fair corndog. Listen all you out-of-touch flyover-land self-proclaimed deplorables: Sheev Palpatine is not now and never has been a role model. That means the cover shot of understudy Mike Pence assuming the position is not a good thing. Even the name has become synonymous with evil, is a symbol of evil, sinister deception, dictatorship, tyranny, and the subversion of democracy.
But I hafta digress. I am never ever going back to Columbus, Indiana ever again. And not simply because Mike Pence was born there. The place is infested with maroons — who pathologically visit a plethora of pump houses, brewpubs, and fried-to-death salty-crunchy chains of every level of caloric excess imaginable, and then whine about it in online reviews. To recap: Yes, I’m saying the food is bad, and the service is worse; and the carbon-based lifeforms who live there say so too: [my bolds]
“When our food arrived it was all very bland and tasteless. There was no seasoning or flavor at all. This palce [sic] is not worth it for food at all. $16 for lukewerm [sic] fries and an over-cooked [sic] burger pretty much sums this place up. Tried it more then [sic] three times, and the results were consistent. —Kyle K
“AVOID THIS PLACE!!! Quality of the food and service are both horrible. Don’t waste your time or money here. Our food was old and appeared to be heated in the microwave. Salads were unfit to eat with brown wilted lettuce. We are never going back again! This was the second time we have eaten at this location and the prior time was just as bad. —Chad F
“Our waitress was so inattentive! I had to chase her down for our drink refills after I had already asked for a refill, she did the same thing when I asked for the box after waiting several minutes, I had to approach the bar myself to get the to-go box. Very disappointed in the service, the food was good though and I’ll prolly go back. —Stacey D
“Looks like the place has seen better days. Lots of flies. Meats were greasy. Ribs were fatty & tough. Corn bread was dry. Sauces seemed half developed. Pulled pork was their best. Salad greens were limp, flat, & warm. Menu was out of date. Bathrooms were dirty, esp men’s. Great ambiance, good decorative design. I liked the layout, the set up for sauces, pickles, salad bar, etc. I wanted to love the place.
But enough local color. And sorry if you skipped down to here, like I did, to get back to the actual MAGA review. But no, Ivanka, Jarred, DT Jr., and Bannon aren’t in jail yet in November, 2018, but Mueller says they’re all up to their nuts in collusion with Pootie and the Bolsheviks, and so is Palpatine Pence; may they all twist in the wind until they are inert as cardboard.
So here’s my review.
This place was so great when it first opened. But the place has definitely seen better days. Unfortunately, it’s changed so much, it’s almost unrecognizable from what it once was. You have lost yet another loyal citizen. Don’t waste your time or money here. I am done with this nation, and more than likely with this country permanently. Unless this place changes the quality of their government and service, (not to say everything was bad to me as a citizen), and improves their willingness to hold fast to the American Way— to American values like truth, beauty, and goodness— I’m not sure how long they’ll be in business.
But the food was good though. I’ll prolly go back.