IT CAN’T HAPPEN HERE.

Who could imagine
That they would freak out in washington, d.c.
D.c. d.c. d.c. d.c. d.c.
It can’t happen here
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
It can’t happen here
It can’t happen here
Everybody’s safe and it can’t happen here
No freaks for us
It can’t happen here

FRANK ZAPPA’S THE YELLOW SHARK

The Yellow Shark

The Yellow Shark  •  Repixeled by Terry Kruger
*Original sculpture by Mark Beam

There really is a Yellow Shark.

A Yellow Shark was caught in 2004 off the coast of Australia, and it was considered a one in a million mutation of the Port Jackson Shark, common in those waters.  And that other one in a million yellow shark, Zappa‘s Yellow Shark— is, well, plastic.*  It makes a swimming cameo appearance in the vid below.  Enjoy.

Hope you had a relaxing and efficacious Zappadan. . .

See you next year…  keep it greasy.

Welcome To The United States

Zappa Immigrant Welcome To The United StatesDo you have a communicable disease?  Physical or mental disorder? Are you a drug abuser or addict?  Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude, or a violation related to a controlled substance, or ever been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more?  Have you ever been a controlled substance trafficker? Are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?  Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage? Or terrorist activities? Or genocide?  Or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?

Rainer Römer: Ladies and gentlemen, here he goes, Peter Rundel, he seems to be disgusted. Whatever. Ridero ridera! Heute fängt die Fastnacht aa’ Ha ha ha! LAUGH NOW! (HA HA HA HA HA!) Be quiet! Von seiner Werkbank zu uns heute Abend hergekommen ist unser Hermann Kretzschmar wolle mer’n reinlasse? Laugh now! (HA HA HA HA HA!)

Welcome to the United States!

This form must be completed by every nonimmigrant visitor not in possession of a visitor’s visa.

Type or print legibly in pen in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. USE ENGLISH.

Item 7—If you are entering the United States by land, enter LAND in this space. (LAND!) If you are entering the United States by ship, enter, unh-unh, SEA in this space.

Do any of the following apply to you? (Answer Yes or No)

(No! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!)

A. Do you have a communicable disease; (COUGH NOW! Coughs . . . ) physical or mental disorder; or are you a drug abuser or addict?

Tell me, Bill, Yes or No. (No) Louder. (No!)

B. Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude or a violation related to a controlled substance; or ever been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more?

Answer Yes or No. (Yes! Yes, sir! Yes! No! No! No!)

Or been a controlled substance trafficker; or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?

Answer Yes or No. (Yes or No) Thank you!

C. Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?

Answer Yes or No. (Yes)

Thank you very much! And welcome to the United States!

 

Original photograph from Chaplin’s 1917 film, The Immigrant:

Charlie The Immigrant

 

 

STILL ABSOLUTELY FREE

 A LOT OF PEOPLE don’t bother about their friends in the VEGETABLE KINGDOM. They think, “Ah, what can I say? What can a person like myself say to a vegetable?” But the answer is simple, my friends . . . just call . . . and tell them how you feel . . . about MUFFINS, PUMPKINS, WAX PAPER, CALEDONIA, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS AND GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL . . . and soon: A NEW RAPPORT.  You and your new little green & yellow buddies . . .  grooving together!  OH NO!  Maintaining your coolness together!  Worshiping together in the church of your choice!  ONLY IN AMERICA. Woh-oh-oh-ah-agh-h . . .

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=258IAiOtnuw[/youtube]

BROWN SHOES DON’T MAKE IT

Just in time for Zappadan: The new Grafton POOT;  the A-100 Hand Rotopluker;  and the limited edition Toast Master 4000.

The Grafton is one of our most popular shoes. A timeless brogue, sensible and versatile, at home around the pool, City Hall, or the White House lawn.  We’ve now added the Grafton POOT”— hand embossed in Pumpkin Gold with Spring Prune surround, on Cigar Nevada Calf above Desenex soles; a great addition. . .  $1695

Shown with the modern classic A-100 Hand Rotopluker™, in stunning Wazzoo Bronze, fully charged with the exclusive Infinity Cell capable of producing upwards of a 180 thousand separate lethal discharges. . .  $70,000

Accompanied by the limited edition Zappa Toast Master™ 4000, Neon Moon stainless steel enclosure with four industrial ultra-slots, and a 120 watt Peavey Power Dial with individual slot amplifier controls— guaranteeing toast that will respond to you. . .  $1495


BROWN SHOES DON’T MAKE IT
Munich, 1979-03-31  Soundboard recording.

Frank Zappa — lead guitar, lead vocals
Ike Willis — rhythm guitar, vocals
Denny Walley — guitar, slide guitar, vocals
Warren Cuccurullo — guitar
Tommy Mars — keyboards, vocals
Peter Wolf — keyboards
Ed Mann — percussion
Arthur Barrow — bass
Vinnie Colaiuta — drums

We’re only in it for the money.
—Frank Zappa

EVERYTHING IS HEALING NICELY

EVERYTHING IS HEALING NICELY: Bullshit, Das Ist Nicht Echt — "Bullshit, This Is Not Real"Bullshit, Das Ist Nicht Echt*  •  Original mashup¹ for Zappadan by Terry Kruger
(If you want to read his robe you must click it.)

For many of the Zappanese intelligentsia, 200 Motels was a prototype of a dimension of Frank Zappa that was relatively unknown.  But there were inklings of the future there for the listening, Would You Like A Snack?,  Half A Dozen Provocative Squats,  The Girl Wants To Fix Him Some Broth. . .  If all you listen to is Joe’s Garage and Burnt Weenie Sandwich, it’s time to push the envelope.

Roland’s Big Event/Strat Vindaloo

By Frank Zappa

From the posthumously released album “Everything Is Healing Nicely” (1999).

EVERYTHING IS HEALING NICELY Oil painting of Frank Zappa’s mouth by C. Breman, used as a portion of the cover art for the 1999 album

 

Christ Consolator by Carl Bloch, 1886

¹Original oil painting by Carl Bloch, exhibited at Charlottenborg, Sweden, in 1886

•  •  •

 * Bullshit, das ist nicht echt. . . ” Bullshit, this is not real. . .

ZAPPADAN 2012

Joe has realized, at last, that imaginary guitar notes, and imaginary vocals, exist only in the imagination of the imaginer… and ultimately, who gives a fuck, anyway…