White Horse Prophecy Redux

Now that Mittens is covertly running for president―the clear implication of his desperate call for GOP voters to deprive Dumbledore Drumpf of delegates by voting for whomever has the best chance of beating him one state at a time―it’s time to revisit the Mormon White Horse prophecy.

Michele From Hell Bachmann, R.I.P.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Like progressive bloggers blessed with a satirical warp everywhere, we at US are deeply saddened by the departure from the Beltway Bubble of Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Wingnuttia). A search of our site contains more “here” “here” “here” Bachmann links than we have the time, desire, or patience to document.

The many comments from the blogosphere over this momentous political and comedic event spans the political spectrum. From Reality Challenged Wingnuttia, we have The Beckster who called it “sad and tragic”, the result of the “Chernobyl” that is Washington, D.C. with her “honor and integrity” intact. (Gag me with a ladle.)

On the left, we enjoy FDL’s TBogg, who writes:

I, for one, am sad to see her go and, in fact, I was previously unhappy to hear that she might actually lose in the upcoming 2014 election. While there are many profoundly stupid conservatives in the House (I’m looking at you guys: Louie Gohmert, Patrick McHenry, and Jason Chaffetz) to hang around the Republican neck, Michele Bachmann brought a special bright-eyed ingenue lunacy to the party. Although she lacked the 12-hour meth-binge feral viciousness of a Sarah Palin, she was no less a virtual Pez dispenser of “Hunh? Whut?….” quotes, but always served with a “Bless their hearts” chaser and a squirrels in the attic stare.

I shall miss her star turn panache and amphetamine eyes; she gave good face to the Loonier Than Thou wing of the party. Now we are left with Peter King and the aforementioned Gohmert who are nothing more than stock villains sent over from central casting when the call went out for red meat slabs of resentment, ignorance, and opportunistic yahooism. I expect that Michele will probably move on to something a bit more on the evangelical side, since she lacks the dirty stripper-past-her-prime hardness that Fox prefers from its lady talkers,

Of course the big loser in all of this is delightful hubby Marcus Bachmann who stands to lose more “Me Time!” with Michelle always about the house and constantly under his marabou bedroom slippers with the four-inch heels.

What he said.

(With a nod to Liberace, for his implied, fabulous influence on Marcus.)

NRA To The Rescue

A day after warning of food riots resulting from President Obama’s socialist attempts to destroy the economy and take everyone’s guns away, Whacko Wayne is organizing an emergency arms shipment to Triumph’s passenger and crew, to protect themselves from each other as tempers flair and supplies run low.

Glenn Beck’s Independence, USA!

Beck TownFrank Zappa called it “Centerville,” Homer Simpson calls it Springfield,
Glenn Beck calls it “Independence.”
If you want some Glenn Gas, you must click it.
(Original image here)

Glenn and Tania sat across from me at breakfast in Rome.  Glenn alternately took bites of his raisoned [sic] oatmeal and doodled notes on the English version of the local Herald…  He read the headline “West’s Clash With Iran Is a Windfall for Russia,” and then quickly made his way down the page, speed-reading the article.  His notes: “Of Course, this is why they don’t support action.”  He leaned back from his oatmeal in silence and stared at the ceiling.  Pause.  After a few beats he looked back at the table with moist eyes. “We’ve got to go to Australia.”
—Mark Mabry on Glenn Beck
“Location, location, location!
—Every Realtor In The World

What are those visionaries at the American Dream Labs* “building towards?” asks Glenn Beck.  Remember Glenn Beck?  Yeah that guy. Last week he gave us a special look at the “big picture that everything is building towards”— Independence, USA!  And because it’s so far in the future— “Tomorrowland“— they’ve whipped up a special tiny toy town so you can start getting the lay of the land, wherever it may actually be, today.

While Independence USA! is very much a burrito gas-like induced cold-sweat dreamorrhoid¹ at this point, the proposed “city-theme park hybrid”— you can’t make this shit up— would bring several of Glenn’s “seemingly disconnected projects into one place.”

Where is that “one place,” you ask?  You didn’t ask?  Go on, ask.

It’s an undisclosed location.  Not Cheney’s digs either.  Beck’s just not saying.  But sure maybe a red welfare state is a good guess, or Teh Utah, He’s a Mormon-In-Name-Only after all;  or maybe even near Las Vegas, which elite snobs already think of as a city-theme park mutation.  But it’s gonna have lots of stuff dreamt up by the imagineering wizards at American Dream Labs.  One of them is rambling imaginatively, now:

We’ll have media, live events, [live music— imagine!]  small business stores, [gun shops and gum drops]  educational projects, [infomercials]  charity, [think Red Cross,² Salvation Army]  entertainment, [yep, The Beck Cinema]  news, [Beck News Channel]  information, [buy gold]  and technology R&D [how does an etch-a-sketch really work?] —  and all of these things would have a nice median-priced home in Independence [with upper middle class white folk living right next door to multimillionaire estates].

Things that would probably not have a home in Independence— not now, not ever— are obviously going to be on a far longer list.  Let’s get started:
Well of course the homeless.  The poor, the unemployed, the under-employed, and especially all those leaches living off government entitlements like military veterans, the disabled, all those living on social security, the elderly; oh and hippies, liberals, progressives, Muslims, Atheists, contraception, abortion, equal pay for women, etc., etc., etc.— use your imagination.

With the rest of the country [that’s like way more than 47% ya douche]  and the world going away from the values of freedom, responsibility, and truth, Independence USA! would be a place built on the very foundation of those principles;  [which yeah, means they’ll be buried in the foundation, so….]  Oh yeah and a retreat from the world where entrepreneurs,  [people with money]  artists, [people without money]  and creators [people with dreams and money]  could come to put their ideas to work [if they’re willing to make less than the federally mandated minimum wage].  A place for families to bring their children to be inspired [because city-theme park hybrids are what every kid wants].

Projected to cost over two billion dollars, and maybe two thirds of a yet to be minted and obtained trillion dollar coin, Glenn’s “seemingly disconnected” vision(s) have been heavily influenced by legumes  that other great Mormon visionary, Mitt Romney Walt Disney

As Glenn has been explaining all  week, Disneyland was originally intended to be a place where people would find happiness, inspiration, courage, and hope [and spend a good piece of coin getting it].  Over time, Walt Disney’s original vision has been lost.  While hundreds of thousands still flock to the town, it’s become “commercialized”;  [uh-huh:  a Disneyland one day, one park ticket for kids age three to nine is $81;  ages ten and up, $87 smackers;  no paupers, please]— and the “big dreams and the heart have been compromised.” [by mammon, right?]

So Glenn figures when you go looking for some happiness, inspiration, courage, and hope at Disneyland, you’ll be waylaid by the commercialization, like he was;  you should instead flock to his not-yet-commercialized, not yet compromised, not yet even existing, big sloppy wet American dream:  Independence, USA!

As the first unofficial American Dream Labs Storytellers get together, Glenn and I walked down Main Street Disneyland with hot corn dogs and Cokes.  We compared Walt Disney’s prospectus, the original vision, with what has evolved into Disneyland.  Studied history, read plaques, rode rides, and told stories.  Mostly we rode rides;  then we mostly threw up masticated corn dogs and coke.

Weeping softly while wiping corn dog chunks off his chin, Glenn explained about Walt Disney:  “He had started making these little tiny towns, small, little saloons and little streets and everything else;  he became like, a doll house manufacture almost, and his brother said, you’re going nuts— what are you doing?  He said, I don’t know;  I’m working on something.”

Well Glenn is “working on something,” too.  He believes deep down in one of his important orifices that he can pound the heart and the spirit of Walt’s crazy tiny town ideas into the shape of his own tiny idea of community and freedom:  plop plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a retreat it is!  Independence, USA!

But it won’t be about rides and merchandise, [that’s you, small businessmen— know your place]  but about community, and freedom—  [you know— like America, but without all the stuff Glenn doesn’t like].   The Marketplace would be a place where people [with enough money]  could open and run real small businesses and stores [like in America, except, no taxes!].  The owners and tradesmen could offer “apprenticeships”— [wage-free jobs]— and teach the young people the [responsible weapons-handling skills and selfish]  entrepreneurial spirit [they’ll need to survive in the “entitlement state” of Tomorrowland].

There would also be a Media Center, [hell— let’s call it “The Beck Cinema”] — where Glenn’s production company would film [remember “film”?]  television, movies, infomercials, documentaries, and more.  Glenn hopes to include scripted television that would challenge viewers without resorting to a loss of human decency [hhwhat?!?..]  He also said it would be a place where aspiring journalists would learn how to be great reporters [because you know, sooo much news is going to be flowing outa da chief pie holes, it’ll put Fox’s Bullshit Mountain to shame].

Across the lake, [Lake Beck], there would be a church modeled after The Alamo [yes;  Thee Alamo]  which would act as a multi-denominational mission center [and family values vortex-paddleboat rental marina hybrid so you can get to the multi-church on time].  The town will also have [as in, own]  a working ranch where thousands upon thousands of visitors can learn how to farm and work the land [for no munny, but room and board in barracks with no indoor plumbing or crappers during the harvest season, just like where you know who gets to stay when they sneak into our country to harvest America’s crops].

GlennCrockettImagine this: Glenn Beck is Davy Crockett, the Alamo still burns, and Mexican illegals still kill them all.


Independence USA! would also be home to a Research and Development center where people would come to learn, innovate, educate, and create, [unlike other research and development firms where people merely stay where they are to learn, innovate, educate, and create].  There would be a massive theme park for people to recharge and have fun with their families, [unlike other, commercialized, compromised theme parks, where people do not recharge or have fun…  because,   money].

And some lucky people would also have the option to live in Independence Town, within a residential area where people of different incomes  [maybe even different ethnicities and colors— because anything could happen...] could all come together and try to be neighbors [sorta.. just.. exactly.. like.. the rest of America].

So let’s recap— what is it again that distinguishes this American Dream Lab* community from most every other community in America, or indeed, the world?  (You know, other than Glenn’s megalomaniacal obsession with Walt Disney and tiny model towns)  I’m guessing here, but:  Not a fucking thing;  except for the extensive and informal list of prejudice, fear, and bigotry that will “crystallize” Beck’s nightmarishy “American dream” into yet another gated community holding everything outside it in contempt.  Well, except for airports linked to Glenn Beck International.  And all the American socialist highways and roads Independence will have to rely on.  Mmm, and all goods and services not available in Independence Town.  Oh and protection from commies and all other bad things real or imagineered, provided by the U.S. government.  Woops, and the Mexican Army, in case they try to retake the Beck Alamo.

And the bazillion other things that have not entered into the tiny-town mind of the American Dream of Glenn Beck;  like per chance, a Beckland resident psycho gun-nut with a couple drum-fed assault rifles and a box of grenades, shooting and blowing the fuck out of The Beck Cinema in downtown Independence, USA.  God forbid, of course;  but, you know— the second amendment. The NRA.  And our freedoms.

Bullet The Beck TownThose are totally fake bullet holes.  No cardboard boxes were harmed in the making of this blog post.


You know we really wanted to find out who or what “American Dream Labs” actually is or does, but we can only spend a short amount of time on Glenn Beck’s sites before experiencing flu-like symptoms.

¹ dreamorrhoid | drēm(ə)ˌroid  noun  •  an unrealistic asspiration or self-deluding fantasy generated in a swollen region of the anus

² Disney joined the Red Cross and drove an ambulance after the WWI armistice was signed on November 11, 1918.

³ Walt Disney was not a Mormon.  But he was a commie hater just like Glenn Beck, and thus during the “Second Red Scare” he was a founding member of the 1940’s  Motion Picture Alliance for the Preservation of American Ideals, along with other conservative iconic commie haters like John Wayne and Ayn Rand; explaining a lot about Beck’s fixation with Disney.



Rethug Dog Food Redux

The Grand Poobah of Obama Derangement Syndrome, Glenn Beck, photographed inside a voting booth

Twenty eight months ago, US posted a diary titled: Republican Dog Food.


“… former Republican Party leader Rep. Tom Davis this week observed that “the Republican brand is in the trash can. . . if we were dog food, they would take us off the shelf.

Which inspired the following comment:

So distressed at Barack Obama’s successful “Change” theme, the Repugs have tried to claim some of that turf as their own with their new campaign slogan—”Change You Deserve.” Unfortunately for them, that is the trademarked advertising slogan for the anti-depressant Effexor, used to treat generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and panic disorder in adults. (Who said that the Most Highs don’t have a sense of humor?)

Nearly two years later, we did a followup titled Teh Crazy Poll, which cited a number of poll derived metrics pertaining to Obama Derangement Syndrome [ODS],  concluding with this:

Bruce Bartlett, Deputy Assistant Secretary for economic policy at the U.S. Treasury Department during the George H.W. Bush Administration, gets the last word. In his post yesterday titled Why I Am Not a Republican:

“I can only conclude from this new poll of 2003 self-identified Republicans nationwide that between 20% and 50% of the party is either insane or mind-numbingly stupid.”

Truer words were never spoken.

Time for an update.  In Republican brand tanking with electorate, Big Orange blogger Joan McCarter cites a new ABC News/Washington Post poll, that includes the following graph:

Joan sums it up as follows:

“The favorability ratings for both the GOP and the tea party are totally underwater, with just 39 percent approving of the GOP and 32 percent liking the tea party. Among self-identified party members, Democrats have a five-point edge over Republicans in favorability, 89 percent of Democrats are positive, versus 84 percent of Republicans. And here’s where it gets interesting.

The difference is that 32 percent of Americans in this survey identify themselves as Democrats, vs. 25 percent as Republicans, levels that have held essentially steady the past three years. That’s down for the GOP, which achieved parity with the Democrats in 2003 but has lost ground since. (Independents now predominate, accounting for 39 percent in this survey.)
Intensity of sentiment is another challenge for the Republican Party: Substantially more Americans see it “strongly” negatively than strongly positively, 33 percent vs. 18 percent, while the Democratic Party breaks even (28 percent on both sides).

On the other hand, because fewer Democrats are registered to vote, the Democratic Party slips among registered voters to 48-46 percent, favorable-unfavorable, essentially an even split. The GOP, though, remains underwater among registered voters, 42-53 percent.

Ah, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Mitt Romney, Glenn Beck, & The White Horse Prophecy

Mitt Romney’s attempt to satisfy the White Horse Prophecy is going up in flames

In 1835, Joseph Smith Jr., the founder of The Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints, aka the Mormons, wrote in his collection of prophecies and insights titled Doctrines and Covenants:

“If ye are faithful, ye shall assemble yourselves together to rejoice upon the land of Missouri, which is the land of your inheritance, which is now the land of your enemies.”

One has to assume, if one is to believe in the efficacy of Smith’s prophecy, that his fellow Saints were less than faithful; or alternatively, that their sense of entitlement was ill-conceived; or that Smith was just another BS artist. Because, a mere three years later, after a successful voter suppression effort by 200 non-Mormon settlers in Gallatin on August 6, 1838 that led to a wider, catastrophic war, he and his entire community were driven out of the state of Missouri, lock, stock and barrel.

His petition for redress to President Martin Van Buren in 1839 was refused for starkly political reasons. Four years after that, Smith is said to have uttered another prophecy that became known as the White Horse Prophecy (WHORP) . Bill McKeever over at Thom HartmOnenn.com describes it thusly:

Another of Smith’s predictions, the “White Horse Prophecy,” gets its name from the biblical book of Revelation. The prophecy has been given a dubious distinction since there is no evidence that Smith ever gave it in a public setting. Instead, its pedigree goes back to two Mormons, Edwin Rushton and Theodore Turley, who said they personally heard Joseph Smith give this prediction at Smith’s home on or about May 6, 1843. Smith allegedly gave numerous predictions in this prophecy, but the portion that is most repeated speaks of a day when the Constitution of the United States will “hang by a thread.” It will be “preserved and saved” by a White Horse, A.K.A. the Mormon Church.

Seven generations of Mormon leaders, while jettisoning various parts of the prophecy including the violent overthrow of the US government, have nonetheless, kept hope alive. McKeever again:

In 1963 [Evra Taft] Benson again mentioned this prophecy in a conference message: “The Prophet Joseph Smith said the time would come when the Constitution would hang as it were by a thread. Modern-day prophets for the last thirty years have been warning us that we have been rapidly moving in that direction. Fortunately, the Prophet Joseph Smith saw the part the elders of Israel would play in this crisis. Will there be some of us who won’t care about saving the Constitution, others who will be blinded by the craftiness of men, and some who will knowingly be working to destroy it? He that has ears to hear and eyes to see can discern by the Spirit and through the words of God’s mouthpiece that our liberties are being taken” (Conference Report, April 1963, p.113).

Shades of the Tea Party, who never tire of warning us that “our liberties are being taken.” One has to assume that was a major selling point on the part of the Romney campaign to gain the support of the Teabaggers, whether they believed in the overarching validity of the prophecy itself, they were certainly down with the ‘they’re stealing our liberties’ stuff. One Teabagger who does believe wholeheartedly in the WHORP is the Mormon Mad Man, Glenn Beck. As Dana Milbank wrote at Huffpo:

“In one of his first appearances on Fox News, Glenn Beck sent a coded message to the nation’s six million Mormons — or at least those Mormons who believe in what the Latter-day Saints call “the White Horse Prophecy.”

“We are at the place where the Constitution hangs in the balance,” Beck told Bill O’Reilly on November 14, 2008, just after President Obama‘s election. “I feel the Constitution is hanging in the balance right now, hanging by a thread unless the good Americans wake up.”


Was it just a coincidence in wording, or was Beck, a 1999 Mormon convert, speaking in coded language about the need to fulfill the Mormon prophecy? A conversation on Beck’s radio show ten days earlier would seem to rule out coincidence. Beck was interviewing Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah, also a Mormon, when he said: “I heard Barack Obama talk about the Constitution and I thought, we are at the point or we are very near the point where our Constitution is hanging by a thread.”

“Well, let me tell you something,” Hatch responded. “I believe the Constitution is hanging by a thread.”

Days after Beck’s Fox show started in January 2009, he had Hatch on, and again prompted him: “I believe our Constitution hangs by a thread.”

Large numbers of Mormons watch Beck…

Earlier, during his 1999 run for the presidency, Orrin Hatch was quoted by The Salt Lake Tribune: “I’ve never seen it worse than this, where the Constitution literally is hanging by a thread” (“Did Hatch Allude To LDS Prophecy?” Salt Lake Tribune, Nov. 11, 1999).” Mormons of a feather flock together.

Which brings us to the question: Does Mitt Romney, a bishop in the Mormon Church, consider himself the embodiment of Joseph Smith’s prophecy?

Well, it would explain a number of things about the way he has managed his presidential campaign, beginning with the issue of how he has managed his presidential campaign. See, for example, Mitt Is On Fire, a collection of conservative wailings about what is arguably the worst GOP presidential campaign since…John McCain’s.

Additionally, it would explain his and Ann Romney‘s sense of entitlement, which Ann summed up in her best elitist manner: “It’s our turn.”

Then there’s his attitude towards withholding a more extensive release of his taxes that, in contravention to his own father’s example of releasing 12 years worth, would give American voters a better understanding of how he became so filthy rich.

And finally, it would explain his cavalier attitude to providing any meaningful details about his policy imperatives. As with his refusal to provide same with regard to his taxes, the overarching goal of saving the Constitution must take priority over such quotidian concerns.

Of course, all of these infirmities of the Romney campaign can be explained using CW political analysis. But, as every novelist or screenwriter knows (written a few  of the latter myself), understanding a protagonist’s formative beliefs provides insight into his character, and ultimately, his motivations and actions.

If I be permitted a prophecy of my own– Romney’s presidential bid will go down in flames. The only question remaining is how much damage he will do the the immediate, mid-range, and long term goals of the GOP. As conservative talk show host Laura Ingraham warned:

“If you can’t beat Barack Obama with this record, then shut down the party. Shut it down, start new, with new people. Because this is a gimme election, or at least it should be.”

We should be so lucky.

Rope & Change: The Birth Of A Nation

Tracing Racism from the 1915 film The Birth of a Nation to the 2012 GOP Presidential Campaign