. . .The Tea Party is over.
It’s just that they will never know it.
Category: CULTURE
The Tiny Penis Triumvirate
Tucker “Teeny-Weenie” Carlson, Matthew “Mighty Dong” Drudge,
and Sean “Stinger” Hannity with their tiny penis mini-me partners.
Before you know it, it’s going to be February again. And February is Tiny Penis Month, but I bet you knew that. This year, there’s a three way tie for Tiniest Penis In Media, and of course the media is all engorged over it. So lock and load, the “winners” are, in order of phallic magnitude:
Matthew Drudge. In 2006, TIME Magazine named Matthew Drudge one of the 100 most influential people in the world, describing The Drudge Report as “A ludicrous combination of gossip, political intrigue, and extreme weather reports … still put together mostly by the guy who started out as a convenience-store clerk.” Yeah, they forgot “lies,” but.
Sean Hannity. In 2013, Talkers Magazine listed Sean Hannity as #2 on their “Heavy Hundred” list of the 100 most “important” radio talk show hosts in America. Inexplicably, the same magazine gave Hannity their “Freedom of Speech” Award in 2003. And now in 2014, the price of a bucket of warm Elmer Fudd spit has eclipsed the value of their award, as well as any supposed importance of Right Wing Wadio Wackows.
Tucker Carlson. Oh, and every year, Tucker Carlson is an increasingly tiny dick. That is all.
Trouble In McDonaldland
The flagship burger of McDonaldland is the Big Mac, shown above with a list of its ingredients supplied by McDonalds. McDONALDLAND — Refusing to answer questions about Mayor McCheese‘s crack cocaine use, McLisa McComb, a spokeswoman for McDonald’s USA, announced the demise of the online presence of the McResource program, following the solicited appearance on their McWebsite of “unnecessary McViews …
HAPPY MONDAY. This is for you, Peter O’Toole
This is for you, Peter O’Toole.
“I will not be a common man. I will stir the smooth sands of monotony.”
—Peter O’Toole
NATIONAL LAUGHINGSTOCK
This month’s national laughingstock just happens to be an adult crybaby.
This sorry-assed excuse for a magazine found its way into my personal space yesterday. Not only was it not funny, but it pissed me off in a way that I have seldom experienced since I stopped abusing certain vile foamy liquids and other assorted borderline ingestibles.
Many of you are too young in this adventure to remember National LAMPOON magazine, let alone one of their most memorable covers, from January 1973. (See it here.) But unlike that cover, this parody did not make me feel sorry for the Boner-as-victim of his own groveling attempts to destroy the American government and … you know what, just forget it.
Forget all the antics of the Republican “party” for a moment. Just answer this question: Why is a sniveling crybaby the Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States?
Is this really the best creature we can squeeze out of our gene pool?
Apparently it is, so then, go ahead, Repuglican’ts; do your worst, you catatonic douchebags.
America has it coming.
