For my money, or the lack thereof, no Zappa character says Zappa to me like “The Central Scrutinizer,” the narrator on Joe’s Garage (November, 1979). It’s Zappa in snarky hyperbolic perfection, introducing himself as the enforcer of laws that haven’t been passed yet, and the messenger of the dangers of that horrible force called MUSIC. . .
The idiot bastard son: (THE FATHER’S A NAZI IN CONGRESS TODAY . . . THE MOTHER’S A HOOKER SOMEWHERE IN L.A.) The idiot bastard son: (ABANDONED TO PERISH IN BACK OF A CAR . . . KENNY WILL STASH HIM AWAY IN A JAR) THE IDIOT BOY! • • • Kenny will feed him & …
Many of you have realized, at last, that imaginary guitar notes, and imaginary vocals, exist only in the imagination of the imaginer… and ultimately, who gives a fuck, anyway…
The Yellow Shark • Repixeled by Terry Kruger *Original sculpture by Mark Beam
There really is a Yellow Shark.
A Yellow Shark was caught in 2004 off the coast of Australia, and it was considered a one in a million mutation of the Port Jackson Shark, common in those waters. And that other one in a million yellow shark, Zappa‘s Yellow Shark— is, well, plastic.* It makes a swimming cameo appearance in the vid below. Enjoy.
Hope you had a relaxing and efficacious Zappadan. . .
Do you have a communicable disease? Physical or mental disorder? Are you a drug abuser or addict? Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude, or a violation related to a controlled substance, or ever been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more? Have you ever been a controlled substance trafficker? Are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities? Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage? Or terrorist activities? Or genocide? Or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?
Rainer Römer: Ladies and gentlemen, here he goes, Peter Rundel, he seems to be disgusted. Whatever. Ridero ridera! Heute fängt die Fastnacht aa’ Ha ha ha! LAUGH NOW! (HA HA HA HA HA!) Be quiet! Von seiner Werkbank zu uns heute Abend hergekommen ist unser Hermann Kretzschmar wolle mer’n reinlasse? Laugh now! (HA HA HA HA HA!)
Welcome to the United States!
This form must be completed by every nonimmigrant visitor not in possession of a visitor’s visa.
Type or print legibly in pen in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. USE ENGLISH.
Item 7—If you are entering the United States by land, enter LAND in this space. (LAND!) If you are entering the United States by ship, enter, unh-unh, SEA in this space.
Do any of the following apply to you?(Answer Yes or No)
(No! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!)
A. Do you have a communicable disease; (COUGH NOW! Coughs . . . ) physical or mental disorder; or are you a drug abuser or addict?
Tell me, Bill, Yes or No. (No) Louder. (No!)
B. Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude or a violation related to a controlled substance; or ever been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more?
Or been a controlled substance trafficker; or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?
Answer Yes or No. (Yes or No) Thank you!
C. Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?
Answer Yes or No. (Yes)
Thank you very much! And welcome to the United States!
Original photograph from Chaplin’s 1917 film, The Immigrant:
A LOT OF PEOPLE don’t bother about their friends in the VEGETABLE KINGDOM. They think, “Ah, what can I say? What can a person like myself say to a vegetable?” But the answer is simple, my friends . . . just call . . . and tell them how you feel . . . about MUFFINS, PUMPKINS, WAX PAPER, CALEDONIA, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS AND GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL . . . and soon: A NEW RAPPORT. You and your new little green & yellow buddies . . . grooving together! OH NO! Maintaining your coolness together! Worshiping together in the church of your choice! ONLY IN AMERICA. Woh-oh-oh-ah-agh-h . . .
Bullshit, Das Ist Nicht Echt* • Original mashup¹ for Zappadan by Terry Kruger
(If you want to read his robe you must click it.)
For many of the Zappanese intelligentsia, 200 Motels was a prototype of a dimension of Frank Zappa that was relatively unknown. But there were inklings of the future there for the listening, Would You Like A Snack?, Half A Dozen Provocative Squats,The Girl Wants To Fix Him Some Broth. . . If all you listen to is Joe’s Garage and Burnt Weenie Sandwich, it’s time to push the envelope.
Roland’s Big Event/Strat Vindaloo
By Frank Zappa
From the posthumously released album “Everything Is Healing Nicely” (1999).
Oil painting of Frank Zappa’s mouth by C. Breman, used as a portion of the cover art for the 1999 album
Christ Consolator by Carl Bloch, 1886
¹Original oil painting by Carl Bloch, exhibited at Charlottenborg, Sweden, in 1886
• • •
*Bullshit, das ist nicht echt. . . ” Bullshit, this is not real. . .
Oil painting of Frank Zappa’s mouth by C. Breman, used as a portion of the cover art for the 1999 album
